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darkseal
[Truthfully speaking, this Ball was nothing more than a glorified dance class in Linhardt's mind. They were practically obligated to attend and partake, dancing with people and exchanging smiles and pleasantries; a ball like this was at least somewhat important to the nobility, Linhardt was sure, but as far as he was concerned? He had no business here, and the first chance he could get out, he took gladly.
He wasn't altogether sure about where to go, honestly; he could certainly just turn in for the night on his bed, or get back to his crest research, but there was another curiosity that he wanted to take a look at; the Goddess Tower. The details were a little fuzzy in Linhardt's mind, but he had heard some so-called rumors about what happened within the tower. Something interesting would happen if two people entered the tower...was it that they would be blessed by the Goddess if they shared a vow, or that they would be cursed for defiling her tower? Linhardt couldn't really recall off the top of his head, as it wasn't a topic that interested him too much, but...well, it was an interesting research opportunity and there was certainly a first time for everything.
But of course, he knew very well he wasn't exactly destined for much in the love department. As far as he was concerned, the Goddess Tower would be a once in a lifetime napping spot, and Linhardt intended to take the bait. It was surprisingly quiet, though he didn't doubt that there were people waiting to come in and try to find their 'true love', as they would likely call it. Linhardt finds his way to a nice spot within the tower, settling himself in for what's likely to be an interesting sleep, if nothing else.
Who knows, maybe he'll get to eavesdrop on some unlucky sap within the tower before he nods off, or perhaps even hear someone find the love of their life. The latter would certainly be a nice thought, for one of the others, perhaps. That would at least be interesting to hear...]
He wasn't altogether sure about where to go, honestly; he could certainly just turn in for the night on his bed, or get back to his crest research, but there was another curiosity that he wanted to take a look at; the Goddess Tower. The details were a little fuzzy in Linhardt's mind, but he had heard some so-called rumors about what happened within the tower. Something interesting would happen if two people entered the tower...was it that they would be blessed by the Goddess if they shared a vow, or that they would be cursed for defiling her tower? Linhardt couldn't really recall off the top of his head, as it wasn't a topic that interested him too much, but...well, it was an interesting research opportunity and there was certainly a first time for everything.
But of course, he knew very well he wasn't exactly destined for much in the love department. As far as he was concerned, the Goddess Tower would be a once in a lifetime napping spot, and Linhardt intended to take the bait. It was surprisingly quiet, though he didn't doubt that there were people waiting to come in and try to find their 'true love', as they would likely call it. Linhardt finds his way to a nice spot within the tower, settling himself in for what's likely to be an interesting sleep, if nothing else.
Who knows, maybe he'll get to eavesdrop on some unlucky sap within the tower before he nods off, or perhaps even hear someone find the love of their life. The latter would certainly be a nice thought, for one of the others, perhaps. That would at least be interesting to hear...]
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He's actually offering his arm for Linhardt.
...Oh, gods, that gets a light dusting of pink on his cheeks--mostly in surprise, but...]
You're...certain, of this?
[It's an open invitation. It's an open, warm invitation, and Linhardt takes a couple moments to consider it before he winds up scooting closer to Hubert, taking the man's arm in both of his own and laying against it.]
...You're so very good to me, Hubert. Thank you. [He chuckles.] And you're very warm, too.
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[It's teasing, but he settles easily. There's something incredibly nice about having Linhardt this close... It isn't what he should be thinking of, and yet again he finds himself thinking about Linhardt's words. After the war. After the war. They can't afford to consider anything else before then. He can't afford to be distracted by anything or anyone. He must succeed in Her Majesty's name. Everything else is secondary.
But still... A quiet moment like this almost makes him want to put those thoughts aside.]
Get some sleep. I'll wake you if you doze for too long.
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[Despite the eyeroll and the slightly sarcastic tone Linhardt uses, he laughs, freely and brightly. It's almost enough to make his resolve weaken on those words he said to Hubert, but he knows better. He has to know better. Sure they're around each other quite often, even here, but that has to be that. They can't afford to go back on that; not until the war is done.
...This moment, though...it's still wonderful.]
I shall, then...you sleep well too, won't you...?
[Linhardt starts to nod off surprisingly easily, at that. His face presses up against Hubert's arm, and it's the warmest he's felt in a long time while trying to fall asleep. It's paradise, really.]
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[He'll try, at least. But for now... Well, for now he's got plenty of time to watch Linhardt without it being weird!! Not like that would stop him anyway, but whatever. It's really nice to have Linhardt so close...
And even though he shouldn't, at some point he'll reach out to gently run a hand through Linhardt's hair, because he just can't resist. He won't do anything more than that and it only lasts for a brief moment, but it's enough to send his heart pounding anyway.
After the war is over. Then he'll tell Linhardt everything he's been dying to say.
(He eventually does end up falling asleep; he doesn't touch Linhardt in his sleep but he has moved closer. Perhaps it's a bit too close for friends, but... well, it's not like either of them are really going to complain, are they?
...And naturally he loses track of time, because it's kind of hard to look out for that when you're asleep with your dear friend.)]
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His dreams are nice; he dreams of what he hopes to be the future, in that flower field with Hubert, laying down and holding hands with the man who's stolen his heart.
...He does wake up a little later, puzzled by how a blanket could have possibly got on them both, but he figures that Hubert probably left while Linhardt was in a deep sleep to make sure they were both warm. He winds up falling back asleep easily, though, not really questioning it.
(Needless to say, they're both likely very confused later.)]
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There's plenty to do around the monastery if they are to use it as a base, and as the days pass it seems everyone is nostalgic for the days they spent here at school. Hubert has never cared for reminiscing, but even he can't ignore how wonderful it feels to be back. Sure, the monastery has been mostly abandoned for so long and the battle was unkind to it, but that's why Byleth starts handing out weekly tasks again.
The first week was fine. Hubert and Her Majesty were on stable duty and taking care of the horses, pegasi, and wyverns was no problem. They don't particularly like Hubert, but he's learned enough to be able to handle both as needed. As long as he doesn't have to ride a wyvern, he's fine.
So when he sees his assignment the next week, he feels his heart stop.
In theory, he should be able to ride a wyvern. Byleth taught them well, and while wyverns are more unpredictable and difficult to train than horses, some of the same techniques can be used. Hubert can ride horses. He learned at a young age and his long journeys across the Empire often require him to ride. That isn't a problem.
The problem is that a wyvern is much larger than a horse and does not keep its claws on the ground where they belong.
Hubert's fear of heights is something he goes out of his way to hide. Her Majesty doesn't even know. In the year or so they were at Garreg Mach, he was never once placed on sky patrol, partially due to luck and partially due to switching jobs with the others on the rare occasion he was tasked with it. He's gotten so used to hiding his fear that it never raises questions - even at that dance Ferdinand's father held, he stayed far away from the railing that overlooked the ballroom below, and hung out near the wall where he couldn't see the drop. It's second nature by now.
And suddenly, he's faced with the reality that he really doesn't know how to get himself out of this one.
The obvious thing to do would be to switch jobs with someone else, just as he had done several times during their time in the academy. It isn't nearly as easy as it was then, however; everyone's far more busy now and everyone he can think of that would be willing to switch (and wouldn't rat him out to Byleth or Her Majesty) has their own tasks to attend to this week. There simply isn't any way he can make this happen and make it seem as though he's just too busy to be bothered with this.
Besides, Linhardt has been assigned to this task with him. If he backs out or finds someone to replace him, Linhardt will wonder if this is his fault somehow.
So somehow, Hubert convinces himself that the best thing to do is to crush his fear and do it. That leads him to where he is now, staring down the wyverns while becoming increasingly more aware of how absolutely terrifying the idea of getting on one is. Wyverns are large creatures. Even if he were successful in getting on one's back, he'd be entirely too far off the ground. He'll either become disoriented or dizzy, or worst of all, faint entirely. Wyverns are a bit too wild - even when tamed - to simply carry their rider. It's likely that without proper supervision, it'll just fly off on its own and who knows what would happen to him.
(He'd probably fall off. And that's the most terrifying thought of all.)
Whenever Linhardt heads over to the stables to get started, he'll find Hubert already there, with a stormy expression, his chin resting against his hand as he glares at a wyvern. Even now he's still desperately searching for a way to fix all of this, but... It's not looking good.]
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Oh, sure, Linhardt was more than known for swapping around tasks back in their school days--avoiding tasks was easy when people were so particular about what they liked to do, and what they were willing to do. Now, it was harder to avoid the dreaded tasks; Linhardt has never particularly liked working with the animals, but he could at least tolerate it with Marianne or someone with more experience with them. Weeding? More like babysitting Caspar when they were paired together, goddess forbid anyone else. Sky Watch...Linhardt wouldn't say he hated it, necessarily (as much as he suspected it was Byleth attempting to "help" him be more mobile in battle by giving him experience with flying), but he sure as hell didn't like it.
He'd take anything over working with Ferdinand in clearing out rubble, though, and being regaled with so much noble natter that he wanted to shove the esteemed heir of the von Aegir family in a closet and never let him out, to say nothing of the actual, physical labor involved. He's almost thankful to be on Sky Watch again than have to deal with that mess again.
Linhardt does arrive a few minutes later than intended, mostly seeming ready to get this task over with--the sooner they did their scouting, the better, as far as he was concerned, though he was definitely happy to be put on a task with Hubert finally. Of course, that mild mannered happiness comes to a pause when Linhardt sees the stormy look on Hubert's face, and he's not sure what on earth is going on.
Being the ever curious
boyfriend that he is, he walks up to Hubert with a bit of a confused expression.]Having some troubles, Hubert? [Linhardt looks between the wyvern and Hubert for a moment, as if trying to find out if the damn thing nipped him or something to make him so angry.] These creatures tend to be a rather unruly sort, so I wouldn't be surprised...
[He doesn't make to move any closer, not getting started on the task--he's definitely tilting his head a bit, though.]
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[The greeting comes a bit late, while he's still trying to work out some way to avoid being placed on this task. Currently, he's trying to figure out whether he could survive a wyvern bite to the arm just to get himself removed from the task. Sure, Linhardt would worry, but he would hear him so he probably wouldn't lose the use of his arm...]
Ah, it's...
[Nothing? But if it's nothing then they'll have to go about this, and he's still not entirely sure he wants the wyvern to take a bite out of his arm to end this. Hmm.]
How are you doing, Linhardt?
[...That is not going to help, is it. But he's certainly trying it anyway!!]
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Well, I'm doing alright. I can't say I'm looking most forward to dealing with the wyverns, but this night could be going a lot worse.
[...It's a bit blunt, but even Linhardt seems unsure for a moment before broaching the obvious question in the room.]
...And what of yourself, Hubert? You look like you would much rather be anywhere but here, I must say. You're certainly not yourself tonight.
[That's. A little better, at least. Linhardt's look is more contemplative than anything, but he's trying.]
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I... had some other tasks to attend to, and I would have preferred to be doing that.
[It's not the truth; he's actually free tonight. But the truth is something he can't admit - not to anyone, and especially not Linhardt. Just imagine what Linhardt would think if he knew the truth...]
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You aren't the only one, I assure you.
[Hmm...Linhardt's expression seems to be openly observing, if perhaps a bit scrutinizing.]
If there is something bothering you, you are free to let me know. But we should at least try to get this over with, should we not?
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Ah, right. Of course.
[He'll move to the saddles, pretending to examine them while internally screaming. There is absolutely no way he can do this, but there's no way he can tell Linhardt that something's wrong either. As much as letting a wyvern bite him is sounding more appealing, he can't really say it's a practical way to get out of this. The potential downsides are far too extreme. If he loses use of his arm... Well, it isn't a risk he can take as Her Majesty's right hand.
So in the end, the best thing to do is to just fess up.
...But how is he supposed to do that to Linhardt? He'd almost prefer to admit this to anyone else. Including Her Majesty.
He'll just be over here glaring at the saddles while he tries to work this out, surely this is fine.]
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But of course, Linhardt sees the glare in Hubert's expression, and it's finally starting to bother him a bit. What the hell is going on here?]
Hubert. You're glaring at these saddles like they've personally wronged you; it's rather concerning. [To his credit he does sound somewhat concerned, but really, who wouldn't be?] ...Do you need some advice for what to pick out?
[Let's. Let's start here.]
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No, it's fine.
[He reaches out for one, only to find his hands are shaking to the point where actually carrying the damn thing would be too much of a hassle. Is he really that scared of just trying?
...Yes, yes he absolutely is.]
I know how to ride a wyvern in theory. I've never done it before.
[It's curt and tense, and certainly not the actual problem, but it's a start? Kind of??]
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Oh, is that it? [...Linhardt makes it sound so simple, but admittedly, he does not have all of the context.] Well, I can try to give you some of the advice Marianne gave me, when I got stuck on this with her. It was quite a nerve wracking experience, the first time around...
But she stressed this to me, first and foremost; the wyvern must be comfortable around you, and you must be comfortable around them. That includes picking out a saddle that doesn't cause them any irritation--like this one. [He points out one for Hubert to take.] ...Would you like some assistance, for your maiden voyage? I can't say I'm an expert at dealing with these creatures, but...
[...bless linny's heart, he thinks hubert's scared of the wyverns themselves...]
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He finds himself going to pick up the saddle before Linhardt's even done speaking, like he can actually do this. Like he can actually put this saddle on a beast and get up there somehow and then guide the thing through the air. The thought is so utterly ridiculous it makes his head spin.
Or maybe that's just the fear. It's probably just the fear.]
No, I...
[He doesn't need assistance, he just cannot do this and there's no way to express that to Linhardt without getting to the actual problem itself. A fear of wyverns is acceptable, they're terrifying beasts. A fear of heights... It's inexcusable.
His hands are still shaking and he drops them from the saddle and takes a step back with a sharp inhale.]
I can't do this. I... I will inform the professor that I...
[How is he supposed to tell Byleth about his fear? Those bright green eyes stare straight through him, Byleth's more terrifying than he could ever hope to be. There's no way. There's simply no way he can do any of this.]
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Hubert--!
[Linhardt clearly isn't sure what to do--he's never really had to be a source of empathy before, but...
Hubert's done so much for him. Linhardt at least wants to try for him, and as much as part of Linhardt's distress is at his own confusion in regards to what to do, he is absolutely worried about Hubert.
He's going to try to put a hand on Hubert's shoulder, in at least some attempt to ground him in reality. Maybe it'll help.]
...I'm willing to back you up when you speak with the professor, if that's what you need, Hubert. I don't know what's causing you so much distress, but...
[Linhardt would love to get to the bottom of this, really, he would. But this has managed to hit him directly in his weirdly functioning feelings, and he wants Hubert to feel safe.
...No, more than anything, he wants Hubert to trust him.]
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It isn't... I don't wish to trouble you with this, that is all.
[That's not it at all. He knows that's not it, and yet he can't bring himself to explain further. Does he really believe Linhardt will look on it so poorly?
...No, he doesn't. Linhardt is not the sort to find a fear like that something to be abhorrent. Perhaps he'd find it silly were it anyone else, but here he is trying to help, and Hubert can't even let down those walls and explain the problem.
Why does he have such a hard time trusting someone he knows cares so deeply for him?
He sighs, frustrated, and raises a hand to his chin.]
I'm embarrassed to speak of it. I've managed this long without anyone finding out.
[It's okay. It's fine. He can trust Linhardt with it. He's much more trustworthy than the professor who appeared out of nowhere, right? So why is he trying to run from Linhardt yet again?]
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[Linhardt's trying. He knows that there's fear there, Hubert von Vestra is afraid of something, and Linhardt doesn't want him to be alone in that. He'll keep it a secret, he won't tell a soul, and hell, he's more than willing to fake something if needed to ensure Hubert won't have to be put on this again, but--
Those are simple solutions. They aren't going to help do anything other than hide the actual source of the problem, and Linhardt seems to contemplate for a moment.]
...What can I do for you, to help you with this? [It's calm, at the very least.] If speaking of it is too embarrassing...well, should we set up some sort of excuse for why you cannot do this, to avoid it in the future? Or perhaps I could lie for you, and take the blame for only one of us being on Sky Watch; the professor would more than believe that I would fall asleep and avoid it, so you would certainly have their belief.
[...]
Or perhaps... [Nnn.] Would it make it easier if we exchanged things we were embarrassed to speak of?
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Ridiculous. Nearly as ridiculous as his fear.]
No, it's... Promise me you will not think less of me for it.
[That leaves him before he has time to think about it, and he's suddenly very aware of how stupid it is. He glances away, covering the lower half of his face as if to hide how flushed he is.]
Never mind that. Promise me you will not tell anyone. I cannot have word of this reaching Her Majesty or anyone who would use it against me.
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I promise you that what is said will not leave this room...and I swear I will not think any less of you for what you wish to say to me. You may count on that.
[He knows Hubert took back the other one, but it must have been just as important if he said that one first.]
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He trusts Linhardt. He does, doesn't he? So why is it so difficult to get it out?]
...I'm terrified of heights.
[The words are soft, almost defeated but tempered with frustration.]
I doubt I could even get on a wyvern, much less remain conscious once it left the ground.
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No. No, that's too much logic. This isn't a situation where logic can help, even if it's all Linhardt really knows.
But...he has to try, at least.]
...It's certainly not wrong to be terrified of such a thing. And I can understand why you would want to avoid having others know, lest it...
[Ugh, no, no, that's wrong--Linhardt shakes his head.]
No, no, I...I suppose what I mean to say is that it is not an unfounded fear. And I look at you no lesser for having such a thing.
[...That's better but not by much, okay. Okay, he's getting this, he thinks.]
...Would it be better to discuss a plan of action, to avoid dealing with this?
[...that's still too much logic, but we do have to deal with the elephant in the room at some point.]
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And then he finds himself laughing, without really meaning to. He gets it under control quickly, but there's still the tiniest smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth when he responds.]
You're terrible at this.
[It's gentle, though. He reaches up to take Linhardt's hand from his shoulder and without thinking, laces their fingers together.]
Don't get me wrong, it is important to have a plan of action, and that is something we will need to discuss. The first and most important thing is to sympathize and understand, then do what you can to set the other person at ease.
In this case, a bit more of a focus on it being an acceptable fear would have been nice, as well as acknowledgement and understanding. Most people don't react well to hearing plans of action first.
[Obviously he doesn't mind, but it doesn't hurt to share what he's learned with Linhardt. Empathy was never something that came naturally to him. Even now he has to pause and figure out how to address the situation in a way that isn't cold or dismissive. It wouldn't be accurate to say he has no empathy, he just didn't learn how to express it in any sort of proper way early on and it was only through Her Majesty's lessons that he's even gotten to this point.
So he doesn't find it frustrating or upsetting that Linhardt's bad at this. Honestly, he'd probably be more embarrassed if Linhardt did get overly sympathetic.]
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...Admittedly, only a bit, because Hubert is actually willing to explain that much to him--Linhardt definitely feels kind of guilty for him having to do so in the first place, when he's clearly been a distressed mess this entire time and it should be Lin who's comforting him, and Linhardt's expression doesn't really brighten any or anything, but he does nod his head and listen rather attentively. Hubert's at least willing to tell him this much, and he does appreciate it.]
I suppose I was...worried that such a thing might come off as insincere--that if I spent so much time reiterating the point of how terrible it was, that at best, it would come off as, well, speaking in circles; I didn't think such a thing would help you. At worst, it would likely have come off as mocking your fear, which is the last thing I would want to do after you entrusted it to me.
[...He does wind up squeezing Hubert's hand a little bit, and their interlaced fingers. Linhardt clearly doesn't mind, and his expression lightens the slightest bit.]
I do thank you for going out of your way, despite your own distress, but you shouldn't have had to. I apologize, for not realizing that myself; it's incredibly unfair to you, and what you are facing.
[That much is sincere, at the very least. It's a reality he needs to face, after all, and he's kind of glad that Hubert didn't get angry at him for it.]
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