hevring: (😴 Six.)
Linhardt von Hevring ([personal profile] hevring) wrote in [community profile] sranks2019-08-08 06:11 pm

locked to [personal profile] darkseal

[Truthfully speaking, this Ball was nothing more than a glorified dance class in Linhardt's mind. They were practically obligated to attend and partake, dancing with people and exchanging smiles and pleasantries; a ball like this was at least somewhat important to the nobility, Linhardt was sure, but as far as he was concerned? He had no business here, and the first chance he could get out, he took gladly.

He wasn't altogether sure about where to go, honestly; he could certainly just turn in for the night on his bed, or get back to his crest research, but there was another curiosity that he wanted to take a look at; the Goddess Tower. The details were a little fuzzy in Linhardt's mind, but he had heard some so-called rumors about what happened within the tower. Something interesting would happen if two people entered the tower...was it that they would be blessed by the Goddess if they shared a vow, or that they would be cursed for defiling her tower? Linhardt couldn't really recall off the top of his head, as it wasn't a topic that interested him too much, but...well, it was an interesting research opportunity and there was certainly a first time for everything.

But of course, he knew very well he wasn't exactly destined for much in the love department. As far as he was concerned, the Goddess Tower would be a once in a lifetime napping spot, and Linhardt intended to take the bait. It was surprisingly quiet, though he didn't doubt that there were people waiting to come in and try to find their 'true love', as they would likely call it. Linhardt finds his way to a nice spot within the tower, settling himself in for what's likely to be an interesting sleep, if nothing else.

Who knows, maybe he'll get to eavesdrop on some unlucky sap within the tower before he nods off, or perhaps even hear someone find the love of their life. The latter would certainly be a nice thought, for one of the others, perhaps. That would at least be interesting to hear...]
darkseal: (♝ 10)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-20 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
[It is, yes, and his gaze remains turned away even as he wills himself to just get it over with. He's already come this far. He can't take it back now, no matter how much he might like to.

He trusts Linhardt. He does, doesn't he? So why is it so difficult to get it out?]


...I'm terrified of heights.

[The words are soft, almost defeated but tempered with frustration.]

I doubt I could even get on a wyvern, much less remain conscious once it left the ground.
darkseal: (♝ 13)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-20 04:29 am (UTC)(link)
[For a brief moment, he just stares at Linhardt.

And then he finds himself laughing, without really meaning to. He gets it under control quickly, but there's still the tiniest smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth when he responds.]


You're terrible at this.

[It's gentle, though. He reaches up to take Linhardt's hand from his shoulder and without thinking, laces their fingers together.]

Don't get me wrong, it is important to have a plan of action, and that is something we will need to discuss. The first and most important thing is to sympathize and understand, then do what you can to set the other person at ease.

In this case, a bit more of a focus on it being an acceptable fear would have been nice, as well as acknowledgement and understanding. Most people don't react well to hearing plans of action first.

[Obviously he doesn't mind, but it doesn't hurt to share what he's learned with Linhardt. Empathy was never something that came naturally to him. Even now he has to pause and figure out how to address the situation in a way that isn't cold or dismissive. It wouldn't be accurate to say he has no empathy, he just didn't learn how to express it in any sort of proper way early on and it was only through Her Majesty's lessons that he's even gotten to this point.

So he doesn't find it frustrating or upsetting that Linhardt's bad at this. Honestly, he'd probably be more embarrassed if Linhardt did get overly sympathetic.]
darkseal: (♝ 09)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-20 05:02 am (UTC)(link)
Nonsense. If anything, it's a good reminder that I've been working myself up far too much.

[He is never telling Linhardt that he was seriously considering letting a wyvern take a bite out of his arm to avoid this.]

I would never have assumed it was mocking. [Not from Linhardt.] There's no need to apologize; comfort like this doesn't come easily to everyone. It took me a long time to learn how to handle others' distress, and even then I still tend to come off as far too cold.

[...]

When we were children, Her Majesty would often get very upset. I couldn't understand why, and I couldn't help her. She eventually taught me how to read others and attempt to see how they were in pain and what sort of response they might like. Without her assistance, I can only imagine how horrible I'd be at it.

[He squeezes Linhardt's hand in return. He probably should let go, but he finds he doesn't want to.]

Don't worry too much about it. It isn't easy to learn, but I don't mind assisting you with it from time to time, if you'd like.
darkseal: (♝ 12)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-20 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
[He notices Linhardt's expression, and to be perfectly honest, he has no idea what he's said that's upset Linhardt until the other man explains it. Even then, it takes a moment for Hubert to realize that yeah, he just did exactly that without even realizing.

He's always been particularly bad at minimizing his own feelings. He always puts Her Majesty first, and everything else is secondary. He was so terrified of his feelings for Linhardt that he his from them for four damn years, of course it's not a surprise that he's refusing to acknowledge his own fear even when openly admitted to someone he trusts.

Cruel and negligent toward himself. Is that what it is? He's done this for so long. He's always, always ignored his own feelings to focus on the goal and what was needed of him. He's always been so determined to not let anything get in the way that in the process, he's lost himself. He's been so caught up in being Her Majesty's dagger - and now, her army - that he's never really let himself acknowledge his own feelings, or even pursue the things he wants.

Linhardt is right. It isn't fair to be cruel to himself like this. But how does he deal with knowing that everything he's done for so long has been detrimental to him? If Her Majesty knew... she'd be extremely upset. She's always considered him a friend, and knowing that his desire to do everything he can for her has wound up hurting him like this...

It's a lot to take in. The scope of it is almost dizzying. How could he have been so blind?]


I... I didn't intend to turn the conversation away from it, or to ignore it.

[He can start by clarifying that much, even if the rest of it is almost completely overwhelming.]

When I was young, my father taught me how to ride a horse. The very first time I managed to get up on horseback, I passed out. He insisted that I needed to learn how to ride and eventually, I was able to do it. I suspect it's only because I grew tall enough that the distance to the ground wasn't enough to bother me as much.

[He's not really sure why he says it, but it helps some of the puzzle pieces fit into place.]

My father was... He was the sort of man I will never be. He was not cruel, but he did not prioritize the Emperor as he should have. I vowed to never be anything like him, and that may have... caused me to become overzealous in my devotion to Her Majesty.

[...]

My fears are unimportant at best and a hindrance to Her Majesty at worse. My desires are hers and anything else is a distraction. I am hers to command, and nothing more.

[He raises his free hand to his forehead, like he's fighting off a coming headache.]

...I have said too much. Please, forget that. I will sort through all of this later.
darkseal: (♝ 05)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-20 07:07 am (UTC)(link)
[The hug somehow catches him off-guard, but he leans into it. His free hand finds the small of Linhardt's back and at first he keeps it there because he isn't really sure what to do with himself. In some ways it feels like he never should have sorted all this out, and realized just how badly his devotion to Her Majesty has twisted him and shaped him into something barely human. He's always pushed people away and it makes sense why now. He couldn't allow himself to have attachments.

Maybe if he'd figured this out four years ago, things would be very different with Linhardt. That gets him to tighten his grip on his friend.]


House Vestra has served the Emperor ever since the founding of the Empire. My father betrayed that and turned his back on the previous Emperor. Our house's legacy meant nothing to him, just as the Emperor did. He did nothing to Her Majesty - thankfully - but his were the actions of a traitor and he got exactly what he deserved.

[His words are far too bitter, and it's only now that he can realize that it runs deeper than a difference in fundamental beliefs. He's hated his father for years, and that was one of the few emotions he allowed himself. It wouldn't be accurate to say he enjoyed killing the man, but he'd enjoyed planning for it, and building up to it, and—

He suddenly doesn't want to think about that anymore. He pulls Linhardt closer instead.]


Thank you. I... In all honesty, I don't know what to do with such a notion. I have never needed - or wanted - anyone to fight for me. I was under the impression I never needed anyone at all.

I'm glad I have you by my side, Linhardt. I don't know what I'd do without you.

[He would have retreated further into his role as Her Majesty's weapon. He would have tried to crush his feelings even further. He spent four years doing that, after all. While it feels like he's realized something he really shouldn't, it's also almost liberating; he's worked out (a part of) what's wrong with him, and maybe it's something he can begin to fix, even a little bit.

Best of all, he finally understands why he has so much trouble letting Her Majesty and Linhardt in. Maybe, after so many years of not understanding and avoiding it, he can finally begin to heal.]
darkseal: (♝ 03)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-20 11:37 pm (UTC)(link)
[What a strange sentiment. He's not sure anyone has expressed something like to him in a very long time. He holds Linhardt close and allows himself to breathe as he considers it.]

I'm not entirely sure you should be. The things I've done aren't the sort most people would be proud of.

[But it's light, he's not genuinely troubled by it.]

Thank you, Linhardt. I think I needed to hear that. I've spent so long trying to be Her Majesty's stalwart wall, I've forgotten that I can allow myself to have those by my side as well. I am so pleased to have you by my side.
darkseal: (♝ 14)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-21 12:02 am (UTC)(link)
[It gets a soft laugh out of him and he's so tempted to run his hand through Linhardt's hair. He can't allow himself to get that close, to discuss this before the war is over, but... it's getting more and more difficult to keep Linhardt at a respectable distance. Even this is a bit much, isn't it? Not that he's going to stop, of course.]

You have my thanks. You've been here for me for so long... It's a bit strange to think about, in all honesty. I appreciate it, more than I can express, really.
darkseal: (♝ 05)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-21 01:09 am (UTC)(link)
I'm glad I could help you. It... means a lot to me that I've been able to.

[This is nice, it's so nice and he never wants it to end, but...]

I... suppose I should go let the professor know that I won't be able to help with this particular task.

[He doesn't want to move, but he begins to pull back, gently.]

I'll see if we can continue working together.
darkseal: (Default)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-21 01:23 am (UTC)(link)
[It makes him laugh, anyway.]

Yes, they certainly are a bit... much sometimes. I'd appreciate the company.

[He smiles at that; it's that expression that's a bit more open than usual and reserved only for Linhardt.]

You have my gratitude for the offer. I'm sure it will be easier with you by my side.
darkseal: (♝ 09)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-21 05:41 am (UTC)(link)
[There's a lot for Hubert to sort through, and in the following weeks he attempts to tackle it piece by piece. There's so much he'll have to come to terms with and accept - about himself, his father, his family situation, and everything that's led him to be the person he is now. It isn't something he expects to be able to handle immediately, and even after two weeks he's still finding it difficult to talk to Her Majesty about it. He's started to open up to her a bit more than he has in the past and she's taken notice, but she doesn't push him either. Her Majesty has always been more patient with him than most, and he appreciates it in these trying times.

Of course, Her Majesty isn't the only important person in Hubert's life anymore, and he spends as much time as he can with Linhardt. They still have plenty of work to do and can't be around one another all the time, but it's nice to be back at the monastery and falling into rebuilding efforts that are a bit less stressful than battles and tactics.

(Admittedly he is a bit annoyed that Byleth has taken over his job of commanding troops and plotting out their next course of action, but he can't remain all that frustrated when he has plenty of things to still work through on his own. Maybe this is Her Majesty's way of trying to give him a break. He hasn't had one in five years, after all.)

It took him longer than he would have liked to wrap up his work tonight, and he hasn't seen Linhardt at all recently. The last place anyone saw him was the library, so that's where he's headed upstairs to check. Unsurprisingly, Hubert moves entirely too quietly for it to sound natural, and his footsteps are soft enough to be easily missed despite his boots.

Or in Linhardt's case, to sound too quiet to belong to a person.

And also they're approaching steadily.

They're entering the library.]
darkseal: (♝ 05)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-21 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[The library looks to be in (mostly) pristine condition, which isn't surprising. Most people try to keep it clean after they've been in here, but there's one desk in particular that looks an awful lot like how a certain someone keeps his workspace. Hubert sighs, though it isn't exasperated. That's just how Linhardt is...

But where is Linhardt anyway? There aren't any other lights in here than the one he has with him (though it's admittedly not nearly as bright as it probably should be, because Hubert is a creature of darkness and doesn't need much light to see by anyway). Did Linhardt wander off and leave a mess here? He wouldn't be particularly surprised about that, honestly...

He pauses at the door, a hand raised to his chin as he considers. Well, it won't hurt to give the library a look before he leaves. Maybe Linhardt fell asleep in a corner somewhere or something.

There's the (very) faint glow of a candle and those still entirely-too-soft footsteps as he moves to check the library further.]
darkseal: (♝ 12)

[personal profile] darkseal 2019-08-21 10:16 pm (UTC)(link)
[Is that breathing he hears? It must be, so as predicted, Linhardt is still in here. He doesn't sound like he's asleep, though... Hubert approaches and suddenly two things happen at once.

The first is that a book is launched at him and smacks him directly over his right eye. It wasn't thrown with enough force to seriously injure him but the startled noise he makes at that causes him to lose his grip on the candle and it falls to the floor.

The second is that something soft and person-shaped collides with him and Hubert sighs before reaching out to grab the person by the shoulders.]


I can certainly say that's the most rude way I've ever been greeted.

[He doesn't need the light to know who it is, and a smile's already beginning to tug at the corners of his mouth.]

Good evening, Linhardt.

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