King Xander of Nohr (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
advancements) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sranks2019-09-23 03:02 am
advancements) wrote in sranks2019-09-23 03:02 am
advancements) wrote in sranks2019-09-23 03:02 am
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Her lord is alive, she can save him--Camilla's not sure if he'd ever want to see her again after this, but there's no denying that even this floods her with a vague sense of relief. Hell, it causes her eyes to cloud for a moment, before she blinks and tears start to fall--]
...If he's dead, I'm coming for your head next, brother dear. [That all comes out as a growl, as she pushes Xander back hard--with the intention of knocking him to the ground so she can bolt.] It's the least I can do to repent to House Gloucester--
[She is going to attempt to rush off either way--she thought she saw a cave in the distance, and Camilla is nothing if not stupid. She could very well fly into there and overwhelm anyone inside, and she would, for her Lord's sake. She'd do anything for him.
Camilla finds her lord inside that cave, and suffice to say, he's not alone; a man she hasn't seen in years is with him, and it's not long before Xander has joined back with them both and her father's men come out of hiding and block her in. Her grip on her axe is tight, incredibly so--she's ready to fight them all off and save her lord, to kill each and every one of them to ensure Lord Lorenz's safety and make up for her poor oversight, but then her father starts speaking in that booming voice of his, and...
He orders Xander to take Lord Lorenz hostage. It takes a moment, but there's suddenly a blade against her lord's neck and men aplenty at the ready to kill him and her if she makes any sudden movements. Camilla's terrified, entirely for her lord's sake--she can't let anything happen to him, she just can't, even as her father gloats to her face about how easy the House Gloucester rats were to capture--how that stupidity ran through their family, that even Gretchen--her mother, her sweet, steely mother--had been just as stupid. All this did was make Camilla's blood boil, really, but then he got to the finale of all of this.
Duke Garon gave her a choice; she could be permitted to leave, after she's watched her lord get drained dry of his blood. Or, she could surrender quietly and be taken back to House Krakenburg's territory. He didn't elaborate further, or about whether she'd be seen again--she's sure someone was speaking, likely Lord Lorenz, and yet the options laid before her sicken her. They deeply sicken her, and she knows that if she goes with her father she'll likely never see the light of day ever again.
But...
You are always a stalwart supporter, ever by my side for anything I need. Truly, I do not know what I would do without you.
The more she thinks about it the more it hurts--if she leaves, she'll never see her lord again--
I am always here for you, first and foremost. Anything you would ever ask of me would be yours in a heartbeat; you can rest assured.
But if she doesn't make a decision, he'll die, he'll absolutely die--
But I don't want any harm to come to you, especially not for something that could be prevented like this. Please, if not for your own sake, then for mine.
But he doesn't want her to die either--
It is my job--my purpose--to be ready at all times, to be the eyes in the back of your head. To prevent any harm from coming to you, no matter my state.
But he's her lord, and her life has been his since the moment she has been sworn into House Gloucester--
But please do not mistake me for only your lord. I am your friend as well.
Duke Garon's only giving her thirty seconds more, and she can't--she can't do this to her lord, she can't, she can't--
My lord...and my dear friend.
Camilla finally breaks.]
I'll go! Please, I...I'll go with you! I'll go where ever you ask, but please, please don't hurt him!
[Camilla's tears come freely, and she can barely look up at anything after saying that--after dropping her axe, after crumpling to the ground and sobbing openly--
She looks to Lord Lorenz shortly after. Her look is...ugly, really, it's incredibly ugly--he's never seen her cry, he's never likely seen her break like this before. It's awful.]
...Forgive me, my lord. I am...incredibly sorry that this happened. I've failed you as a servant, and as a friend. I could never ask for forgiveness for such actions. I simply ask...once you are free, to please live--to please bring the Alliance into prosperity, as I know you can--
[Mid-word, she's knocked out by one of her father's men in such a broken state--unceremoniously, and without even a care in the world for all of the things she needs to say to Lord Lorenz before she never sees him again.
Whatever happens next is not for her eyes, but...well, she can only hope her lord is safe.]
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Well, he doesn't get time to ponder it. Camilla shoves him backwards and knocks him off-balance, giving her plenty of time to get a head start as she rushes off. Xander's torn for a moment - he wants nothing more to return to the monastery and pretend none of this happened, but he can't do that. Father won't be pleased if he doesn't follow Camilla back. Just in case. Right?
So he follows after her, reaching the mouth of the cave and watching as father's men move to block the exit after him. Father is there and Lorenz is awake now, and something twists in Xander's gut even as he approaches them with a steely expression. Father's orders are absolute, with no room for argument, and when he's asked to take Lorenz hostage, Xander does so without a second thought. He takes the sword offered to him and presses it to Lorenz's throat, refusing to let any shred of emotion betray him. Now is not the time for doubts.
This isn't just a test for Camilla, after all. This is also a test of Xander's loyalty to House Krakenburg. He feels foolish for not having realized that sooner. Of course father left him alone for so long without instructions or interference; he wanted to ensure that Xander would be prepared to make difficult decisions on his own.
He is, and he has. So he holds Lorenz hostage and listens to his father gloat about how weak and stupid those of House Gloucester are. Xander's eyes drop to the ground and don't move to look at his father, Camilla, or his hostage. It's too late for regrets, He tells himself. You've made your choice. It's not like he can turn back the clock and take a different path. This is what he was meant to do, as the heir to House Krakenburg. Whether he likes it or not is unimportant.
(The way father talks about Grechen, Camilla's mother... No. There's nothing in his words to imply that any of what Camilla said that day in the stables is true. It isn't true. It can't be true.)
Duke Garon pretends to be generous, pretends to give Camilla a choice, as though any of them are stupid enough to believe that this will end any other way. Either Camilla goes with him, back to House Krakenburg, or Lorenz dies. They all know Camilla can't let Lorenz die and she will do anything to ensure he doesn't. Briefly, Xander wonders just how things will turn out if they do let Lorenz live. He can't imagine they'd kill the heir to House Gloucester - political ties are difficult enough to navigate without one house killing the heir to another. That could spark all-out war between the Empire and the Alliance. So Lorenz is safe, but Camilla won't allow herself to think like that. They all know that too.
Lorenz is smart enough to figure that much out, and he's doing his best to convince her. He doesn't attempt to fight Xander any, but his words are surprisingly steady considering the situation. He doesn't even seem frightened, which is more than Xander was expecting from him. But Camilla isn't listening, and they're all aware of that too.
Her cry cuts Lorenz off and her tears ensure he isn't speaking up again. Xander looks up briefly at her words, and wishes he hadn't. When they were children and Camilla used to cry, he'd hold her close and try to reassure her—
That's enough of that. The Camilla he knew back then might as well be dead. The Xander she knew back then is too.
Camilla doesn't get long enough to get the words she desperately needs to say out - she's cut off when one of his father's men slams the back of his weapon into her head to knock her out cold. They're already grabbing her arms and getting ready to haul her off and that's when Lorenz decides he's had enough. He attempts to knock the sword away (and cuts his hands and arms open in the process) and is readying a spell—
And then all hell breaks loose.]
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He trusted Xander von Krakenburg to be a halfway decent person, after Camilla had given him all the information he required to see that the man is not. Xander had approached him to ask about potentially repairing ties with Camilla and he'd looked so heartbroken about it... Lorenz had wanted to believe the best. That was why he accompanied Xander outside the monastery, because he knew exactly what tea and flowers Camilla likes, and they aren't available in the town on monastery grounds. It was just the next town over, it should have been so easy.
And yet.
He wakes in a cave, held captive by a group of men he doesn't recognize. Well, mostly. The largest of them with the dark armor and massive stature must be Duke Garon von Krakenburg. He's heard rumors of the man; he's said to be fiercely powerful and dangerous, and just looking at him, Lorenz believes it. So he bides his time, waiting and watching the entrance to the cave carefully. He knows what's coming next, but he's powerless to stop it.
Camilla rushes in, unsurprisingly. Xander isn't far behind her, and the soldiers swoop in to block her escape route. Lorenz refuses to look at Xander as he approaches and takes his place to keep Lorenz held hostage; the blade at his throat is less dangerous than Duke Garon, after all. So he remains still, looking at Camilla and trying desperately to communicate that it'll be okay, somehow it'll be okay.
It isn't okay. Duke Garon proceeds to act smugly superior about how stupid House Gloucester is, including Camilla's mother. Lorenz's posture goes stiff, but he refuses to move or give any acknowledgement of how badly the words have irritated him. There's some truth to them, isn't there? He'd fallen into this trap and Camilla had jumped in after him.
He wants to apologize to her, but he doesn't have time for that. Duke Garon gives her an ultimatum - she goes with him and Lorenz goes free, or Lorenz dies.]
Camilla. [Her name leaves him immediately, before he's even worked out what to feel about this or even how to try to combat it.] Don't do this. There's no reason for you to give into such demands. House Krakenburg will not kill me - to do so would be to risk inviting retaliation not just from House Gloucester, but also from the Alliance as a whole. This could lead to war. House Krakenburg would not—
[His words are even, but his hands shake where they're resting on his knees. She isn't listening. He can tell she's not listening - she has this faraway look in her eyes as she works out how she wants to respond... but they all know what she's going to say. There's only one decision she can make and he so desperately wants her to hear him, to listen to logic and reason and not—
It's too late. She's breaking and crying and he's never seen her like this before. It's physically painful to see her broken down like this, willing to do anything - anything - to save him. She'll even go back to that horrid family she tried so desperately to escape from. She feels like she doesn't have any other options.
And then she launches into apologies, like she's done something wrong, like this is the last time they'll ever see each other again - and maybe it will be. Why would Duke Garon keep her alive? Tears are pricking at the corners of his eyes as she continues, but she doesn't get enough time for all her apologies before she's hit over the head and crumples forward.]
Camilla!
[Duke Garon's men are already hauling her off, and Lorenz doesn't think, he simply acts on reflex. His hands come up to push that sword away from his neck, slicing them and his arms open as he gets enough space to finally begin casting a spell—
That's when smoke fills the cave, blurring everyone's vision and confusing absolutely everyone in the room.
Duke Garon's voice rises above the din, barking out orders and demanding his soldiers withdraw and that's when Lorenz is grabbed by the arm and pulled backwards, a hand slammed over his mouth to keep him quiet.
"Sorry about this. You can tell me how 'unbecoming of a noble' it is later." Claude's voice is music to his ears and the familiar tingle of faith magic works its way through his arms and hands as his vision clears. Marianne is there, focusing intently on healing him, though it's not hard to miss how badly she's shaking.
The others are here too. Leonie and Ignatz have their bows drawn at the front of the narrow passage they're in, looking out into the smoke for any potential threats. Raphael's already pushing him toward the back of the cave, where sunlight can be seen - a different exit, then. When they make it out, he finds Lysithea watching the entrance of the cave with a charged spell at the ready. Hilda's also nearby, holding onto... are those wyverns and horses from the monastery? Now isn't the time to question that.]
Wait, we need to go back, Camilla—
[Claude's hand is on his shoulder, grip almost painfully tight. "We can't. We can't take all of them on." Lorenz knows he's right, but he fights the grip on his shoulder anyway. Claude's expression is tight, but for once, there's something reflected in his eyes. It isn't fear; it's an immense, deep sorrow. "I'm so sorry."
Lorenz knows he's right. He knows. They can't possibly take trained soldiers from House Krakenburg. Even if they did manage to kill a few, he can't hope to drag all of his fellow students into this battle.
Hilda's hand finds his (fully healed now) and she guides him toward the wyverns. "We'll figure something out." She says, and he can almost believe it.]
We have to. I won't allow them to get away with this. We'll... W-We'll...
[His voice cracks and the tears flow freely, easily now. Perhaps he'd be embarrassed by showing them all this much, but right now he couldn't care less. He allows Hilda to guide him up onto the wyvern behind Claude, and he presses his face into Claude's back while the others prepare to head back to the monastery.
He will find her, and he will make Duke Garon pay.]
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What makes her sicker is when it's just Duke Garon and his men, Xander having been sent off elsewhere--she doesn't know where he's going, likely back to the Officer's Academy, where he can spread lies about what has happened. But they guide her to a sprawling, underground labyrinth of tunnels, and it suddenly dawns on Camilla all at once what is going to happen to her.
They certainly intended to tie up their loose ends, alright. They intended to do so by subjecting her to those experiments, and Camilla's stomach turns at the realization. She's going to die down here. With all of the other children who are down here, begging for their mothers, begging for mercy, and--
Well, it's not long before the experiments start, and needless to say, she hates every bit of it. The pain when the crest stone is forced into her makes her scream, and the strain of it all nearly causes Camilla to black out when it happens. The crest of Indech is something she knows nothing about, but she hears him and his men state that it's a good fit for a beast like her. That they intend to test her limits, since she hasn't died immediately, and that maybe she has potential.
Those aren't promising words, but Camilla isn't in any place to complain. A harsh month is in store for her, at any rate; they test not only her magic to the point she's sure her hands have nearly burned off entirely, but they test her physical strength too. The crest of Gloucester makes her fire magic all the more powerful and destructive (something they put to good use by making her kill several of the failed children), but the crest of Indech makes her attacks strike at an even swifter pace than before. They work her to the bone, day after day, week after week--
They give her little reprieve, and and only sometimes do they grant her rest. They shuffle her upstairs to her old room, the one next to her late mother's--and she sees her appearance in the mirror from time to time. How gaunt she looks, how pale she's become, how her eyes have almost become pink like Lady Lysithea's--and her hair, her hair, it's...
It almost makes Camilla laugh. She's pretty sure madness is going to take her, at some point, and yet...it never comes. No matter how she hears her father's men talk, no matter how many times she passes Xander without once acknowledging him--no matter how much her father puts her through, it won't. Not until she's dead.
(Not until she's found those wagging tongues from House Vestra and caught them--the ones Hubert lent to Duke Garon, apparently, if their words are any indication. She's furious that someone she came close to considering an ally would betray her like this--)
She doesn't know how long it's been, at this point. It's likely been a month, from what she's been told, but...it had been but a day ago that Camilla was told that they have obtained all that they can from her. That there's no harm in letting her go back to the Officer's Academy. Duke Garon had sneered at her when she asked why--he told her outright it didn't matter. She could go back to serving her lord at the academy if that was what she truly wanted. That her two crests were nothing but a death sentence anyway, and letting them all see what happens when you cross House Krakenburg was his intention.
It wasn't a comfort. It really wasn't. But it's all that's on her mind as she goes back to the Officer's Academy, and eventually, she steps off with her things. The people in the carriage that had brought her there were off to take care of settling matters with the church--covering up what had happened, at any rate. Camilla wanders the grounds again, and it's...obvious, to anyone who sees her, that she's not the same person.
Her eyes are dull, almost glassy in appearance. They're a dull, rosy pink now from all of the experimentation and the strain of it all, and though they've forced her to look a little more presentable for the sake of covering everything up, Camilla looks like she's died, in many ways. She's not quite responsive to anything--while being entirely too aware of everything, jumping at the slightest noise as she walks the grounds she has once loved so much. She recognizes people, though vaguely, but any sort of responsiveness is...not happening. She can't smile, she can't really even talk all that much, and when she sees her fellow Golden Deer and they look horrified, it's...
Well, Camilla's almost fit to break again. She's pretty sure she's already seen Claude, and he's off like a shot in an instant--she can only imagine what's going to happen, but...well, she's actually off to her room, first. She does need to put her things away, and dust out that room of hers--she's always kept it clean, kept it nice and presentable, and now it's...
Well, it's all messed up, much like Camilla is. She doesn't even know where to start with this mess...but if Claude has his way, she won't be by herself for long.
(She doesn't know if that's better or worse, really, to let him see what's become of her. How her uniform seems so ill fitted with all of the work she's been forced to do making her stronger, yet weaker--how she's changed, physically, and how she no longer looks like family. And that might be the part that hurts the most.)]
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Initially, he holes himself up in his room, trying desperately to draft a letter to his father to explain what happened and ask for help. Nothing he writes sounds proper enough or confident enough to send out, so he scraps paper after paper, attempt after attempt. He misses classes. He ignores the knocks on his door, all to frequent throughout the next day.
He startles when Claude manages to get his door unlocked (thanks to Ashe) and no amount of protesting can keep him from being dragged out.
That's more or less how things go for the first week. Even after he manages to write a letter to his father (with Hilda's help), he prefers to remain in his room. Claude never lets him, and eventually he stops locking the door so their house leader can come collect him and drag him to meals.
Sometimes, late at night, Claude will sit with him in his room at that table where Camilla used to sit opposite him. During those late hours they plan - no, they scheme. Claude is hard at work at gathering information, and the rest of the Golden Deer serve as his eyes and ears throughout the monastery. Those with connections to the other houses are looking for information too, and even though it's slow-going, Claude constantly reassures him that they can come up with a plan soon.
Soon.
Soon.
Xander returns to the monastery after one and a half weeks. Tensions rise between the Golden Deer and the Black Eagles. It's not something anyone puts out in the open, and the Blue Lions are entirely confused by it. Lorenz is held back from going after Xander at least twice (and both times he breaks and apologizes and promises to do better, and both times Claude brings him tea and tells him stupid jokes until he's calmed down). Tensions remain high.
Leonie tells him over tea one day that she's gotten some information out of Seteth about Xander, a considerable feat. Apparently, Xander's absence was explained by a sudden sickness in the family, though it coincided with a generous donation from House Krakenburg. Seteth didn't exactly say as much, but it sounds like he wasn't very fond of it, but ultimately had no say and Rhea was the one who permitted Xander to return to the Officers Academy.
Lysithea tries to get closer to the Black Eagles - Edelgard especially - but her efforts reveal nothing. She's frustrated during their tea times together. Raphael has no information to offer him - at least, he thinks he doesn't. He says that Xander's movements during training are stiff and distracted; he's not putting any of his full power into his swings anymore. Ignatz is the one to calm Lorenz down after that, bringing him (yet another) cup of tea and telling him what he's learned of House Krakenburg's relations within the Empire.
Every day Marianne brings him lunch and tea, and on particularly bad days, she offers him her class notes so he doesn't fall behind. He always thanks her profusely, and has gotten in the habit of taking tea with her in his room. She's starting to look more at home, even though her posture is always a little too straight, eyes remaining downcast. She apologies for not being able to help, but her emotional support is what helps him make it through the third week.
By the fourth week, he wonders if there's even a point.
He voices as much to Hilda and she punches him in the arm so hard it leaves a bruise. She scolds him for thinking like that, for giving up on Camilla - "one of our own" is how she words it - and it occurs to him that this loss isn't only hurting him. Camilla is friends with all of them, and there are others in the monastery who are undoubtedly hurting as well.
So even though some part of him wants to give up and accept that Camilla won't be coming back, he refuses to give in. Even though the letter he received from his father last week is painful (there isn't anything we can do to provide assistance; House Krakenburg is an influential part of the Empire and to move against them would only cause problems) he continues to try to keep his head held high and go about his life at the monastery as normal, waiting for the right time to strike.
Their plan - if it can even be called that; it's really more of a vague idea than anything else - is to gather information and wait for the perfect time to slip into House Krakenburg to steal Camilla back. There's much they don't know, and even Claude is having difficulty getting his hands on what they need to make this plan a reality. They don't have floor plans for the manor. They don't know anything about its security. They don't know much, other than House Vestra's supposed involvement, which can only doom them further. But not a single one of them has given up, and that alone makes it easier for Lorenz to continue forward.
And then everything changes when Claude finds him in his room, eyes wide and out of breath. The most he manages to get from their house leader is "She's back," before he's bolting out of the room.
He doesn't have to go far - Camilla's room is just downstairs. His descent down the stairs isn't nearly as poised as it should be, but he couldn't care less about appearing the picture of perfect nobility right now, and he reaches her door in record time.
Lorenz doesn't know what he wants to say. Honestly, he's not sure what to think - his thoughts are racing, tripping over themselves with all the urgency in the world - she's here, she's alive, she's safe. It takes all of his restraint not to pound on the door and beg her to open up. She has to be in there. She has to be.]
Camilla?
[The knock is... hurried, but at least polite enough not to draw too much attention. Not that there's anyone around - not anyone he saw during his rushed descent, at least. Still, he doesn't want to appear too frantic, just in case.]
Please, open up.
[Well, there's a note of something in his voice anyway, that's dancing dangerously close to anxiety and worry and fear. Things he's been feeling almost nonstop since she was taken, things that have only doubled in intensity now that she's back.
He knows she must have been returned for a reason, and he's not sure what he'll see when he sees her again. Will she recognize him, some part of him wonders. Will she remember?
His hands tighten into fists at his sides, but he refuses to knock again. He'll wait. He's waited for four weeks, he can wait a little longer.]
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[Lorenz can likely hear the smallest of screams from Camilla's room, as if she's been jolted horribly. Something crashes as she moves around, and while he can't see what's going on, it's...likely clear he's startled her.
Which is a feat in and of itself, considering how aware she's always tended to be. But no, there's...something wrong with this, and while Camilla herself tries to clean up what she just broke, her heart is already ripping into a million pieces.
Lord Lorenz is still here. He's still sought her out, after all of this time, and Camilla's frightened. She failed her lord deeply, after all of this time, and she never thought she'd see him again, but--she can't let him see her like this. She looks awful, she looks horrible, Camilla can't--]
No. It's better if you don't.
[Camilla's words are desperate, really. Scared, honestly. She doesn't know if she can convince him to leave, to forget her, to just leave her--]
Please, I...I don't want you to see me like this. Please, go.
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Whatever she went through was horrible, he knows that even before she speaks.]
Surely you can't expect me to turn and leave you?
[It's more of a question than he wants it to be, and his nails bite into his palms. He can't go for the doorknob - it's exceptionally rude for a man to try to let himself into a woman's room. Besides, she's undoubtedly locked the door, and he certainly won't be able to get it open.]
Camilla, please...
[There's a clear tone of desperation in his voice now and though she can't see it, his shoulders are shaking. He can hear the fear in her voice, and it's terrifying. What have they done to her? Why doesn't she want him to see her?]
I can't leave you. I... I won't. So... please. Please.
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[Camilla's own tone fills with desperation, and she wants to drive him away. She's not fit to serve him after everything that happened--Camilla's one job was to see him safe, to be a second set of eyes for him, and yet the one time she didn't almost killed him. Almost killed them both, really. It proved that she's a failure of a servant, and it felt like something was taken from her when he was stolen away. As if they'd ripped her heart out and taken it from her, only to dangle it in front of her again--
But as she listens to him...she listens to the desperation in his own voice, she can't bring herself to hide away. Not forever. She wants him to forget her, but maybe if she lets him see her, he'll run away. She'll have to find her own way in the world after, but it'll be fine.
(She thinks. She hopes.)
Lorenz will be able to hear the click of the lock opening up, before Camilla opens the door a crack--she's not going to let anyone else see her in such a state.]
...Come in, if you wish. I'm afraid I'm not going to be much of a host.
[Camilla's room is exactly as she'd left it before, barring the mess she had made--it's always been a little sparse, considering the fact that Camilla spent more time in Lorenz's room than her own, with nothing but the bare essentials and a lot of books on wyvern care and the like. It's very, very dusty in there, though, and Camilla's just...standing, in the room, not making to sit anywhere or do anything.
Her gaze is to the floor, those rosy eyes not even wanting to spare a glance towards how horribly off Lorenz is. Her hands are clasped in front of her, but she's oddly twitchy and nervous--something that would be more akin to Marianne's body actions. Camilla looks awful, really, but...he did ask.]
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But then the lock clicks and he releases a breath he didn't realize he was holding.
Lorenz pushes the door open and steps in, shutting it behind him before he looks at Camilla. Whatever it was he was expecting, it isn't this.
Her hair is white now - that's the first thing he notices. Her eyes are pink. She looks so much thinner now, but her uniform clings to her arms in ways it didn't before - more muscular, but nearly starving, perhaps. She doesn't look nearly as broken as he would have thought overall - she's obviously tired and drained, but that pales in comparison to the biggest changes.
Why is her hair white? What happened to change her eye color? How could this happen?
While he considers that, if she does end up looking at him, he's perhaps surprisingly put-together. His uniform remains intact, and it doesn't look like he's been neglecting his appearance in any way. He'd almost look perfectly normal, were it not for the dark bags under his eyes that makeup can't quite cover entirely. She knows better than anyone that he always tries to look presentable, and that much certainly hasn't changed. But there are little differences here and there - the hems of his sleeves are worn down, his hair's a bit longer than he usually prefers it, small things that most people wouldn't notice but mark him as a bit more distracted than he usually is.
He's still considering her appearance and how best to handle this. He doesn't want to be too careful with her for fear of offending her, but he doesn't think it's a good idea to drag her into a hug immediately either, even though that's all he can think of doing.
He settles on offering her a hand, then. The injuries the sword left are long since healed, only leaving some very faint scars on his palm and the insides of his arm.]
I-I... I've missed you so much, Camilla.
[His voice threatens to break, even with just those words.]
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It's a lot, and Camilla almost wants to hug him herself--to throw all caution out the window and to embrace him, but she doesn't deserve to. She's a failure, a failure, and--
Camilla flinches at first when he offers her that hand--the movement is all too sudden, as if she's used to any movement coming with the stipulation of pain coming shortly after. But it doesn't come, and she stares at his hand for a moment before just...]
I...why? Lord Lorenz, I...I failed you. I failed you completely and utterly. I don't--I don't deserve such a thing.
[And yet Camilla shudders as she says that, as if she's trying to drive him away but can't, and her own voice threatens to break as she looks anywhere but at him--]
Please, don't...don't look at me. Don't look at this failure of a servant anymore. You deserved so much better in those times, and you deserve better now.
[Camilla glances away, shutting her eyes in frustration. But honestly, she sounds like she's trying very hard not to cry, that he's still showing her kindness even now.]
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He keeps his hand outstretched, waiting. Despite her initial flinch, he wants her to know that she's safe here with him, and that he will always offer her a hand.]
Camilla... That wasn't your fault. I chose to accompany Xander, I was... tricked into leaving. That was entirely my fault. I made a foolish mistake, and look what happened. It was never a failure on your part. You were forced into an unfavorable situation, and you took the only option you felt you could and for that...
[His free hand rests on his chest as he ducks into a full and proper bow.]
I'm immensely sorry. I never, ever wanted any harm to come to you. I should have been more careful. I should never have put you in a situation like that to begin with. Words cannot ever begin to express how much regret I hold for that action, and for being unable to save you that day.
[He remains bowed for a moment longer, fighting to get his expression mostly under control before he stands and faces her again.]
I'm sorry I was unable to save you from House Krakenburg. We... were gathering information, trying to come up with a suitable plan of action, but...
[The words trail off and his gaze darts. Who are they kidding, they're just a bunch of scared teenagers trying their best to make sense of something horrific happening.
He wonders how Lysithea will react when she sees Camilla's near-matching hair and eye colors.]
I know I cannot ask you not to blame yourself. But please know that I do not blame you for any of this.
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[Camilla can barely muster an argument--not when she's honestly close to breaking down again at recalling the events of that day. She always thought that she could have done something more, to save him. Not been at the stables, to start. Camilla could have stayed glued to his side for the whole day, and personally seen Xander into the pond for such things, uncaring of how it painted her and yet--
Lord Lorenz is bowing and apologizing, over and over again, and Camilla still can't bring herself to look. The tears start coming down against Camilla's own judgement, and she just can't--]
Stop. Please, just stop, I don't deserve any of this.
[Camilla's hands ball up into fists by her side--he'll likely be able to see plenty of old magic scarring on them if he looks, and suffice to say, it's likely not good news for either of them.]
Please, just blame me. I could have done so much more to protect you, and I didn't. That lapse of judgement nearly cost you your life! If you had died there that day, if they had just--decided to kill you, without any consideration, they--I--
[Camilla shakes something fierce, and it's clear that she can't handle what he's saying. It's forgiveness she doesn't deserve, when all she deserves is self-loathing and hate and the knowledge they don't even care what she does now, because she'll die soon anyway--]
Please, Lord Lorenz...please, you deserve so much better, and you shouldn't be made to apologize for such things. You deserve a servant who would have insisted on staying by your side, to prevent such things from happening. I've failed you in so many ways, and I can't...I don't deserve to be by your side anymore, nor to be saved.
[She still hasn't taken his hand. She doesn't deserve to, as far as she's concerned, as much as she wants to, and her hands go to hide her face as she winds up turning away from him entirely, hiding her face in her hands and trying to keep her composure, but...failing, entirely.
Hell, she collapses to her knees, and she wants nothing more than to break for a while. She's not expecting anything out of him, and as much as she wants to grip onto his hand and accept such a thing, her honor as a servant won't let her.
(Her status as a failure of a friend won't let her either.)]
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Her last words are like daggers directly in his heart, but he tries to remain steadfast despite them. She hides her face and turns away, and then she's crumpling to the floor and he's beside her in an instant. She seems to be okay, it's just all this overwhelming emotional trauma that's getting to her.
He understands, he wants to do nothing more than cry right now too. But he can hold back his own tears until he's at least calmed her worries somewhat.
Lorenz wraps an arm around her shoulders, but doesn't move to pull her closer or to try to pry her hands away from her face. He can see those lines, marks of magic used over and over and over again that she never had before... But now isn't the time to focus on that.]
I'm here, Camilla. I'm here, and nothing you can say or do will get me to leave your side. You aren't just my servant, you're my friend, and I will never leave a friend behind, no matter what.
[The words are a bit shaky, but they're confident, and he thinks that's the most important thing right now. He does mean it, of course; he isn't going to leave her.]
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But that doesn't happen. Camilla flinches when Lorenz wraps his arm around her shoulders, but she winds up easing into it when she realizes he's not going to leave. He really isn't, even though he should, and she wants to push him off, but she can't. She can't, not when he's saying all of that and standing with her despite it all, and it hurts so much.]
Lord Lorenz...
[Camilla winds up letting a few sobs escape before she just...winds up letting her hands down and shifts a bit to face him. It takes her a few moments, wiping her reddened eyes and trying to decide exactly how many protocols she's going to break today, but...
Well, if he doesn't move out of the way, she's going to close the distance between him and pull him into a hug. It's likely going to feel odd, and she silently hopes he's not worried by any of the incision sites he feels if he hugs her back--there's a lot, but more than anything, she just...needs this.]
...I really don't deserve someone as kind as you as a friend. I...I apologize, my lord, that you have to see me like this. And that I'm...not well.
[...]
And I'm...sorry, for trying to drive you away, when you're clearly hurting as well.
[It's soft, really, and shaky; like Camilla's trying to stuff down all of the feelings she has in order to get that out and not be a sobbing mess.]
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Then she's pressed forward and hugging him, and his arms wind around her waist easily, holding her tightly. He can feel marks on her skin that were never there before - incisions? what did they do to her? - but he makes no comment about them, and it doesn't stop him from holding her tightly.]
You could never drive me away, Camilla. You are a dear, dear friend, the shining light of House Gloucester. That much will never change, I can promise you that.
[She may not share his hair color anymore, but that doesn't change that she's still family and that he still cares deeply for her.]
We will do everything we can to help you feel better, Camilla. It isn't just me, the rest of the Golden Deer will as well.
[There's no doubt in his mind about that. They were all trying so hard to come up with a plan to save her, so of course they'll do everything they can to help her settle back into life here. He can't imagine how difficult that will be for her, not after whatever horrors she went through.
He won't ask about those. Not now. The most important thing right now is to hold her close and let her know he's not going anywhere.]
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(Though it's a painful reminder, considering what she had to do while she was there. Elise had been so scared, yet so happy to see Camilla even in their captive state, and she had hoped her big sister could be able to save them--she even used that newly gained crest of Cethleann to heal some of her wounds, but then they considered her a failure and--)
Camilla's grip tightens a bit, and she shudders as her mind wanders toward those dreadful scenes, and she makes some kind of pained noise--before she winds up burying her head in Lorenz's shoulder briefly and shakes something fierce.]
My lord, calling me a shining light is...excessive. I'm not a member of House Gloucester's family, even despite...despite Mother's connections. She likely gave that up when Father lured her away, and I'm...I'm really nothing so special. You are actually family, and deserve the title so much more...
[Her voice is shaky, but she's...she's trying, it's just strange to hear that--]
...I don't know if I can adjust to a normal life again. Or...feel better, after all of this. I don't want you all to have to deal with me in such a state...
[One of Camilla's hands goes up to rub Lorenz's back a bit, gently and kindly.]
...But for whatever little life I have left, it...it belongs to all of you. For whatever all of you may need.
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[The anger hits him like a tidal wave. He's been intentionally trying not to think too much about father's letter and how horribly alone he's felt since Camilla's disappearance, but now that she's back and here in his arms, the force of the fury he's been ignoring is almost overwhelming.
His father chose to ignore her. He chose to let her be captured and tortured because of the political risks in rescuing a member of their family. His father always insisted that Camilla isn't family despite their shared hair color and crest. He was always so adamant that Lorenz never see her as more than a servant, and now...
Now he's shaking as he thinks about House Gloucester's cowardice. Duke Garon was right - even with one of their own captured, they refused to lift a finger to help. Weak. Pathetic.
It won't be like this when he's in charge, he vows. He will never let anything like this happen again. If he has to burn House Krakenburg to the ground to prevent it, then so be it. If he has to fight the entire Goddess-damned Empire to get there, then so be it.
Those thoughts remain in his head (where they belong) and he tires to focus on Camilla's words, on the gentle hand on his back.]
I felt similarly, you know.
[The words are quiet, and he's not really sure he wants to get into it, but—]
I... didn't know what to do when we returned to the monastery. They came after us, you know. All of our fellow Golden Deer were there, and they brought me back here. Claude and Hilda stole wyverns, Leonie and Marianne stole horses and they all chased after us. They were able to get me back safely [well, mostly] and I holed myself up in my room. I couldn't let them see me at less than my best. Do you know what they did?
[The pause is mostly for him to steady his shaking shoulders, he isn't waiting for a response.]
They took time out of their day every day to come visit me. Claude refused to leave me alone and had Ashe help him pick the lock to my room. He insisted on dragging me out to eat, to have tea with him, to do something that wasn't remain locked up in my room. Hilda helped me write a letter to my father, and when she wasn't doing that, she was bringing me flowers or doing her best to lighten my mood. All of them kept an eye out for information, and all of them insisted on dragging me into a routine so I could keep moving forward.
I'm telling you this because I want you to understand just how much they want to help. Even if you cannot adjust to life here again, even if you cannot feel better... they aren't going to stop trying. All of them will be right here for you. No matter what, you can count on all of us to support you.
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[Camilla honestly isn't sure what to say to all of that, and she's...perhaps uncomfortably still as she listens to him. Has he always considered her family? Camilla remembers well the disparaging words his father spoke once to her, that she was to never consider herself an actual family member--that this was being done as a favor to her, and that she should be grateful for that much.
Camilla's not sure how to feel, really, other than...well, it certainly explains a lot about herself and her own feelings. It explains a lot about why they've always been so close, as well, perhaps closer than friends but...it makes more sense now, the more that she thinks about it and everything she's ever done for Lorenz. She's always seen him as a little brother; he's always reminded her of the few children she got close to in the castle, he was so kind and she wanted to protect him. Protect that kindness and ensure that he would grow into a fine young man.
She doesn't get a chance to respond before she hears what the Golden Deer had managed to do--they must have done all of this after she had been knocked out, but...to hear all of it laid out--to hear how Lorenz had been struggling shouldn't come as a shock to Camilla, but it does, at least somewhat. Camilla has never forgotten just how much he's stressed how much she means to him, and how they've been...well, friends for so many years, but to know that her lord had been affected so badly...
It hurts. But knowing that the Golden Deer were there for him, that they had risked so much to save him--to try and save them both--and that they took care of Lorenz by force? It's so strange to hear that, and yet...it really reiterates just how much the Golden Deer care. They always have cared about their own things, and they were never quite unified at first--but to know that they wanted her lord to move forward no matter what, and that just maybe, they want her to as well, it's...
Camilla starts to shake against her lord, at the reminder of all of this warmth after every bit of coldness she's faced. They care. They want to help, and it's like they're all family, in a way. At least, that's what it feels like to Camilla.]
...I am so glad that they came to your aid, my lord. I had always thought of our housemates as interesting individuals, but to know that they care so much...that they were willing to go so far to try and save us both, that they were willing to see to your care when you got back and help you move forward. That they were even so willing to go so far as to [help us] gather information for you, and do so much...
[...]
I don't know how good I'll be at...accepting help. You know as well as anyone that I tend to be horrible with such things, but...that they are willing and want to help us, help me, is...
It means so very much. And I want to...try, to move forward some, to...deal with all of this. It will certainly be hard, but...
I trust them. And that they've already done so much has only solidified that trust.
...Thank you, my lord. [Camilla really doesn't know what to say, honestly.] I ought to thank them as well, when I am ready to do so. I don't know how much company I will want, but...if they're going to try and drag me out anyway, I won't stop them.
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Thankfully, Camilla seems to have calmed a bit and her words get him to relax a little.]
I will talk to them and ensure none of them attempt to drag you out of here until you're ready for it. They will certainly stop by to check in on you and perhaps bring you things, but I won't allow them to be that rude.
[Just because it worked for him doesn't mean it'll work for everyone, after all.]
Take all the time you need. I understand if you need some time to yourself, but I will be here whenever you'd like company. [He can't imagine leaving her side again, honestly.] I promise that we will all be here for you, for whatever you may need or want. They're... incredibly kind people, and I believe they have more or less accepted us as one big, dysfunctional family unit.
[There's a bit of humor to his voice, but he certainly isn't mocking the idea. In a way, it's sort of nice. House Gloucester has been nothing but good to him, but he's fully aware that Camilla's experience wasn't a good one. Certainly better than House Krakenburg had been to her, but that isn't saying much. So for her to have a family like this... it's a nice thought, at the very least.]
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[It'll at least get her back to being...somewhat normal. Camilla doesn't know if she's really going to be necessarily okay now that this has all come to light--when there's much she needs to tell him, especially of how House Krakenburg knows that she inherited House Gloucester's crest. How Xander knows, and it could be dangerous, but...
She doesn't want to focus on that. Camilla winds up letting out the smallest chuckle at the notion of them all being family--it's something that does make Camilla's thoughts drift briefly back to the siblings in the castle--but no. No, she won't let her thoughts drift now. They can do that tonight if they need to, and she'll...deal with it, she supposes.]
...I thank you, my lord, but you know I could rarely refuse your company. [She'd leave it at that, but...] One big, dysfunctional family unit...I've been a part of that once, but this? I...genuinely cannot say that I mind. We're all like brothers and sisters, banding together for the sake of one another, and that's...that's what family should be, isn't it? They should be able to stand together, rather than get torn apart from the inside...
[...]
At any rate, my lord...I...am happy to consider you all that much.
[Camilla doesn't want to say what's actually on her mind.]
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[He knows they're going to continue to surprise him with how much effort they put in for Camilla. It's... really nice, honestly.]
You're right, though. This is what a family should be - not a collection of ideals and lineage, of duties and expectations and positions. It should be something comforting; people who care about one another and will do everything they can to help, no matter how dire the situation.
[And that... really does explain everything, doesn't it. His family here has given him so much more than House Gloucester ever has.
That's a thought for another time and another place, so he moves on.]
I'm pleased to hear it. We will all be here for you. I... I'm so glad you're back.
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[Yes, even Claude. Who knows, maybe she'll actually be a decent person to him now, instead of cold and dismissive...well, honestly, she will, because she does owe him something of an apology for being so rude to him.
There's...much to be done, really, and she nods in agreement at his position on family, because she does agree. Family should be a comfort in trying times. Her mother had tried to give that to her to the best of her ability when Camilla was small, and when she was gone, Lorenz gave that much to her.
It's...nice to think about. And Camilla's arms tighten just a bit more around Lorenz, firm, but not too overbearing.]
...I'm glad to be back. I never wish to be in those castle walls again; my true family is here, with all of you. And I...I may need time to properly re-adjust, but I do think that in due time...I shall appreciate such things. And I shall endeavor to never leave your side again, my lord.
[...]
...Family... [Camilla's thoughts drift back to that for a moment, her gaze...far away and glassy for a moment before focusing again, elaborating.] ...The idea of true family has always been something that's...lost on me. Certainly, I had my mother, and she was...not perfect, but she did everything she could for my sake. She treated me so much better than anyone else had ever thought to, other than... [Xander] ...other such people in House Krakenburg. Once I lost her, I never thought it would be possible for such a thing to be found again.
[She should stop there, she should stop before she says something improper, but...]
...The closest I had ever come to obtaining that feeling again was from serving you, if...I may admit such a thing.
[It's a tough admission, and there's more she could say, but...well, she doesn't want to overwhelm him. Even if it likely doesn't come as a shock to Lord Lorenz at all.]
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He isn't exactly surprised by her admission, but it's a nice one anyway.]
I have always valued you as both a servant and a friend. Father spent so much time insisting that I shouldn't see you as family... but even at the start of our time here I was wondering if that was really correct. Whether he likes it or not, we share blood. You are family, and I want to treat you as such.
[...]
Not in public; I'm afraid that would only complicate things. And I... understand how much you enjoy assisting me. If that is what you want to continue doing, I will not argue with you. But I do not want to think of you as merely a servant to House Gloucester, or only my friend. You are... almost like a sister, I must confess. I suppose that may sound a bit strange, given our positions.
[But it's the truth, and there's no shame in admitting it.]
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You are... almost like a sister, I must confess. I suppose that may sound a bit strange, given our positions.
Oh.
Oh, he just--]
...Well. I must confess, you've stolen the words right out of my mouth.
[Camilla's voice is soft, really, but it's...attempting to be elegant. A stalwart attempt, at any rate, and not just...trying to be tired. Sure, House Krakenburg had ensure that she wouldn't look too suspicious when she came back, but the mental damage was honestly far worse than the physical damage. Those words aren't healing the cracks in her psyche entirely, but...
They're at least helping.]
I've always viewed you as a brother to me, as well. I...wouldn't dare to call you such a thing in public--I know that would cause only problems for House Gloucester. More than I...dare say have been caused in this past month alone...
[...She's gonna have to explain that she used magic to try and take out Xander at some point, if Xander hasn't already tried to lord this over Lorenz's head--but that's not the point now.]
I will continue to serve you. Do not think that I would ever reconsider that position at all. [...] But I would be truly honored to...be your sister, my lord, in private. That certainly won't change much between us, if that is something you wish; I intend to look out for you the same as I always do.
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The part about House Gloucester gets him to huff, a rather undignified sound of annoyance.]
Don't worry at all about House Gloucester. I will handle that.
[It's full of disdain, but he won't elaborate on any of that mess right now. The important thing is the second part, which gets him to smile softly.]
I know you will. Still, I would like nothing more than to consider you as such. However... I would request that you consider calling me by name. It's a bit strange for a sister to call her brother "my lord", isn't it?
[He knows that isn't something she'll be comfortable with right away, but maybe someday...]
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