we're flying through the night
[There are a lot of things Hubert knows for certain.
He knows that Lady Edelgard will take the throne and usher in a new era for Fódlan. He knows that his duty is to serve Lady Edelgard, regardless of personal cost. He knows that he would do anything and everything for her. He knows that his entire being is devoted to her, completely. He knows that nothing can stand in the way of her conquest or of his devotion.
He also knows that he's been coughing up flower petals for exactly a week now.
Hanahaki Disease is certainly not uncommon in the monastery; most of them are a bunch of stupid teenagers, it certainly isn't surprising that several of them have managed to find themselves developing feelings for someone. Such a stupid, pointless thing should have been limited to the dumb teenagers who have nothing to worry about but grades and their stupid, pointless feelings for one another.
This shouldn't be happening to someone like him. Perhaps he would be taking the situation more seriously if his feelings were for Lady Edelgard - although a situation like that is a bit horrifying to imagine. He would never betray her trust in such a way. He loves her, certainly. But not like that. That would only cause problems.
No, these feelings have come from someone else; someone entirely unexpected.
Marianne.
It's been four months since they met. In truth, he doesn't recall much of their first interaction. Claude had called Lady Edelgard over (which meant he had come with her) to introduce the others in his house as they ate breakfast. All he can remember is assessing the individuals to see if any of them could potentially be useful to the future Empress or if they could pose a threat. Marianne hadn't stood out at the time.
She hadn't stood out much when they'd first ended up talking either. It had been during some downtime, when she was tending to the animals and he was doing his usual patrols around the grounds. He'd startled the horses she was tending to so badly it had taken her quite a long time to calm them down. He had lingered a bit - curiosity compelling him to stay and watch - but he doesn't recall much of their conversation that day. Marianne was just as quiet as he had figured.
They met a few times like that, where she took care of the horses and pegasi and he watched. Despite being the most intimidating student in the academy (because he was certainly more intimidating than Dedue), she had let him remain there without much in the way of commentary.
Eventually, she ended up joining their class. Professor Byleth is certainly a skilled instructor (despite their lack of experience in teaching), so it was no surprise that Marianne had eventually left the Golden Deer to join up with them. Not that he's really aware why Marianne had joined - he hasn't asked her. It's the most logical conclusion, though.
From there, they were set to stable duty together. He'd tried to get the professor to change their mind and stick him with Lady Edelgard, but they had refused to budge. Lady Edelgard also seems to be fine with her current job with Dorothea, so he supposes he can't complain too much... Even so, it's left him with a lot of time to get to know Marianne.
Oh, sure, they don't really talk that much. At first, it was difficult to work with her. She was so quiet and he was completely inexperienced at tending to animals, and the whole thing was a mess. But eventually she started explaining how and why she was doing things to help calm the animals, and while they certainly don't like him, they're beginning to warm up a bit.
He would have just left it at that, and maybe this whole Hanahaki disaster wouldn't have happened. But instead, he decided he needed to be three steps ahead - as always - and asked Marianne to teach him to ride. A horse, of course, he wouldn't dare get near a wyvern or a pegasus. Hopefully no one was aware of that little problem.
Marianne had agreed, and riding lessons have been going surprisingly smoothly. Hubert was taught to ride as a child, but his mastery of horses is... lacking. Desperately lacking. If he has to fight on horseback, he'll definitely die. So learning to train a horse and teach it to respond to his commands is important, and Marianne has been helping tremendously.
Well, she was helping. Before the whole Hanahaki disaster thing.
He hasn't seen her in three days. Not that he's avoiding her. Or keeping track of the days. No, that isn't it at all. It's just that he's been terribly busy with Lady Edelgard's plans - they still can't do anything just yet, but every step is another one closer to her victory. It's slow-going, but it's a necessity.
In truth, he's been distant from everyone, even her. He has work to do, certainly. But he also has to keep these stupid petals to himself so no one finds out. Admitting that he has a problem sounds like a horrible idea. It would just cause Lady Edelgard to worry and the other students of the Black Eagles house to tease him mercilessly. So no, he won't do that. Once he has the time, he'll simply track down Professor Manuela and make her remove this stupid thing. The memories he'll lose don't matter to him.
(Never mind that he could do this at any point and waiting only makes it worse.)
Today isn't really any better than any of the days before it. He can usually get through the days with only two coughing jags, and he's been lucky enough to hide it from everyone. Today continues that trend - but only barely.
It strikes him when he's in the library, searching through financial records for information that could assist Lady Edelgard. The near-choking feeling hits him suddenly, and he coughs up more than a handful of delicate, white petals. The fact that they're still white is good - it hasn't been long enough to risk staining them red. Perhaps that's the one good thing about this - at least he's coughing up light-colored petals.
Linhardt is in the library, but even the rough, nearly-pained sounds of coughing up flower petals isn't enough to wake him. Hubert can be thankful of that much, but he's certainly not wasting any more time in here. He puts the books away, grabs the petals, and leaves. Hubert heads back to his room in a hurry, those petals clutched tightly in hand so no one will see them. No one can know about this.
...He's missed a single petal, but surely that isn't important.]
He knows that Lady Edelgard will take the throne and usher in a new era for Fódlan. He knows that his duty is to serve Lady Edelgard, regardless of personal cost. He knows that he would do anything and everything for her. He knows that his entire being is devoted to her, completely. He knows that nothing can stand in the way of her conquest or of his devotion.
He also knows that he's been coughing up flower petals for exactly a week now.
Hanahaki Disease is certainly not uncommon in the monastery; most of them are a bunch of stupid teenagers, it certainly isn't surprising that several of them have managed to find themselves developing feelings for someone. Such a stupid, pointless thing should have been limited to the dumb teenagers who have nothing to worry about but grades and their stupid, pointless feelings for one another.
This shouldn't be happening to someone like him. Perhaps he would be taking the situation more seriously if his feelings were for Lady Edelgard - although a situation like that is a bit horrifying to imagine. He would never betray her trust in such a way. He loves her, certainly. But not like that. That would only cause problems.
No, these feelings have come from someone else; someone entirely unexpected.
Marianne.
It's been four months since they met. In truth, he doesn't recall much of their first interaction. Claude had called Lady Edelgard over (which meant he had come with her) to introduce the others in his house as they ate breakfast. All he can remember is assessing the individuals to see if any of them could potentially be useful to the future Empress or if they could pose a threat. Marianne hadn't stood out at the time.
She hadn't stood out much when they'd first ended up talking either. It had been during some downtime, when she was tending to the animals and he was doing his usual patrols around the grounds. He'd startled the horses she was tending to so badly it had taken her quite a long time to calm them down. He had lingered a bit - curiosity compelling him to stay and watch - but he doesn't recall much of their conversation that day. Marianne was just as quiet as he had figured.
They met a few times like that, where she took care of the horses and pegasi and he watched. Despite being the most intimidating student in the academy (because he was certainly more intimidating than Dedue), she had let him remain there without much in the way of commentary.
Eventually, she ended up joining their class. Professor Byleth is certainly a skilled instructor (despite their lack of experience in teaching), so it was no surprise that Marianne had eventually left the Golden Deer to join up with them. Not that he's really aware why Marianne had joined - he hasn't asked her. It's the most logical conclusion, though.
From there, they were set to stable duty together. He'd tried to get the professor to change their mind and stick him with Lady Edelgard, but they had refused to budge. Lady Edelgard also seems to be fine with her current job with Dorothea, so he supposes he can't complain too much... Even so, it's left him with a lot of time to get to know Marianne.
Oh, sure, they don't really talk that much. At first, it was difficult to work with her. She was so quiet and he was completely inexperienced at tending to animals, and the whole thing was a mess. But eventually she started explaining how and why she was doing things to help calm the animals, and while they certainly don't like him, they're beginning to warm up a bit.
He would have just left it at that, and maybe this whole Hanahaki disaster wouldn't have happened. But instead, he decided he needed to be three steps ahead - as always - and asked Marianne to teach him to ride. A horse, of course, he wouldn't dare get near a wyvern or a pegasus. Hopefully no one was aware of that little problem.
Marianne had agreed, and riding lessons have been going surprisingly smoothly. Hubert was taught to ride as a child, but his mastery of horses is... lacking. Desperately lacking. If he has to fight on horseback, he'll definitely die. So learning to train a horse and teach it to respond to his commands is important, and Marianne has been helping tremendously.
Well, she was helping. Before the whole Hanahaki disaster thing.
He hasn't seen her in three days. Not that he's avoiding her. Or keeping track of the days. No, that isn't it at all. It's just that he's been terribly busy with Lady Edelgard's plans - they still can't do anything just yet, but every step is another one closer to her victory. It's slow-going, but it's a necessity.
In truth, he's been distant from everyone, even her. He has work to do, certainly. But he also has to keep these stupid petals to himself so no one finds out. Admitting that he has a problem sounds like a horrible idea. It would just cause Lady Edelgard to worry and the other students of the Black Eagles house to tease him mercilessly. So no, he won't do that. Once he has the time, he'll simply track down Professor Manuela and make her remove this stupid thing. The memories he'll lose don't matter to him.
(Never mind that he could do this at any point and waiting only makes it worse.)
Today isn't really any better than any of the days before it. He can usually get through the days with only two coughing jags, and he's been lucky enough to hide it from everyone. Today continues that trend - but only barely.
It strikes him when he's in the library, searching through financial records for information that could assist Lady Edelgard. The near-choking feeling hits him suddenly, and he coughs up more than a handful of delicate, white petals. The fact that they're still white is good - it hasn't been long enough to risk staining them red. Perhaps that's the one good thing about this - at least he's coughing up light-colored petals.
Linhardt is in the library, but even the rough, nearly-pained sounds of coughing up flower petals isn't enough to wake him. Hubert can be thankful of that much, but he's certainly not wasting any more time in here. He puts the books away, grabs the petals, and leaves. Hubert heads back to his room in a hurry, those petals clutched tightly in hand so no one will see them. No one can know about this.
...He's missed a single petal, but surely that isn't important.]
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O-oh!!
[Marianne winds up jumping when Hubert speaks up, turning to face him and placing a hand over her heart. Goddess above, he startled her--when did he get up here, when did he manage to come in and--
...Oh, darnit, the bird flew away. Marianne manages to get herself composed a bit, though she winds up...taking the joke a little literally...]
Oh, I...I'm sorry, Hubert. I was just...um... [Marianne looks down, fidgeting with her sleeves a bit.] ...I've been up here for too long, haven't I? I'm sorry. I know I said I'd come back down there, but I...I lost track of time up here...
[...]
Not that I'm unhappy to see you up here, but...um... [Should she ask? No, she shouldn't, she--] I didn't want to bother you with something like this. It's...a little silly, I know.
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Hubert ends up folding his arms, inclining his head a bit as she speaks.]
I was joking, Marianne.
[It's still not gentle, but it isn't particularly blunt either.]
You haven't been gone for all that long, don't worry.
[The last words, though...]
Silly or not, this is something you want, isn't it? In that case, it isn't silly. I'm already here, after all; we may as well see if there's anything to the rumors.
[It's cruel of him to do this. He knows that. He shouldn't lead her on. Perhaps he should take this time to be honest with her. Maybe Lady Edelgard is right and he should tell her as much as he can. But... he knows he can't. Partially because he can't allow any potential leak of their plans and partially because he wants to be selfish. He doesn't want to ruin this evening, this moment.
He wants to pretend that they're a normal couple, for just a little bit longer.]
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[...Okay, Marianne at least giggles a bit--she does look around the tower for a moment, mostly to make sure she hasn't missed anyone else, before she decides to walk over to Hubert's side instead of staying over by the window.
...Wait.]
W-wait, you...you want to... [Marianne looks uncertain for a moment, before just...staring at him for a moment.] You...really want to pray with me? Are you sure?
[Marianne's not sure what to think--she looks shocked, almost smiling a little bit in her shock because she's delighted that he would want to. He's not religious by any means, but he wants to do this because she wants to, and...
It makes her realize she loves him all the more. It's a nice feeling, that he wants to try.]
I'm pretty sure the goddess wouldn't have accepted my prayer, if I had prayed with my friend...he didn't seem very happy to sit still for it either. [...] But...are you sure?
[...Okay, her look is a little more serious and concerned now.]
I don't want to make you uncomfortable...
[She's suspected it, and Marianne doesn't love him any less for it--the Goddess preaches love to all, and Marianne is more than willing to accept that this is something they'll never see eye to eye on. She loves Hubert too much to do otherwise.
But...she hopes he'll be honest with her.]
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[He wouldn't have offered if he wasn't. He knew coming up to the Goddess Tower that this is likely where things would go, and if he'd truly been opposed, he wouldn't have come up here after her.]
Such a thing won't make me uncomfortable. Besides, it would mean a great deal to you, wouldn't it?
[That's worth a little discomfort. Not that praying to a Goddess he doesn't believe exists is really all that uncomfortable anyway.]
I want to make you happy.
[It's such a simple statement, but it's the truth. It's so painfully true that he ends up glancing away.
He really does love her. Maybe... Maybe she'll remember these words after he's told her the truth, whenever he can finally manage that. Maybe it will help.
But more likely, this (along with everything else he's doing) will only hurt her worse.]
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I want to make you happy.
...There's something so honest in that statement that Marianne can't help but smile, and she winds up gently holding out one of her hands for him--she wants to hold his hand a bit.]
...Okay. I'm...I'm glad that you want to do this with me, because I want to make you happy too. I know you don't like going near the church, and I had thought...
[Marianne stops herself there.]
What do you, um, want to wish for, then?
[It's gentle, and she is curious.]
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That question gets him to tip his head slightly as he raises his free hand to his chin. Honestly, he doesn't have to ponder for long.]
I wish for a brighter future, one where the things that have troubled us are no longer concerns. A future where everyone is free to choose how to live life as they wish. One where no one is shackled to their parents' desires.
[It's a careful way of putting it, but that doesn't mean it isn't true.
He finds himself hesitating, and the next words aren't quite as easy and practiced, but perhaps that makes them more honest.]
I would also wish... for the world to be a kinder place, especially to those who have already suffered so much. [His gaze turns out to the horizon.] I would wish for a world where you would never again have to suffer, where you would always wear such a content and peaceful smile.
[Where we could truly be happy.
He stops himself there. He's already being cruel and selfish, but he isn't going to twist the knife further. He can't. He can't.]
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Hearing all of that from Hubert is...it genuinely gives Marianne pause, and she listens to him easily. The way he says all of that, that he wants a world without the things that have troubled them...where they can live as they wish, where the world could be kinder to those who have suffered--so she wouldn't have to suffer--
Marianne's smile is warm, even with Hubert's hesitance, and she grips their laced hands together tighter. Marianne wants nothing more than to help him bring that world into a reality, even if she questions if she deserves such dedication...but...]
...I think the Goddess would be pleased to grant a wish like that.
[Marianne's voice is very soft, but very pleased as well.]
That's...that's similar to what I wish for, too. [Marianne's gaze goes out into the distance, her own expression gentle.] I planned to wish for happiness, for...all of us. So that you could continue to support Edelgard, and be able to lead the Empire well when the time comes...and that everyone could be able to seek out what their heart desires, without anything holding them back. So that...everyone could have a bright future.
...And...maybe we could, too. [...] I-In the very distant future, of course.
[Marianne is sadly going to have to separate their hands for a moment so she can pray, but her eyes close easily as she starts to recite a prayer.]
Dear Goddess, I beg thee...
[...Just give her about a minute or so to go through with the prayer--is he going to pray out loud too?]
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Marianne's wish is genuinely heartwarming. She wants something similar, although she doesn't fully understand just what his wish entails. She has no way of knowing. And of course, she says what he was thinking and his gaze darts again at that.
Her hand separates from his and it takes him a moment to realize what she's doing. Should he... mimic that and pretend he's praying?? Should he just... not do that... Hmm. He's certainly not going to pray out loud, but he'll at least have the decency to mirror her, hoping to keep the disgust at such an action out of his expression. As a noble of the Empire, he is expected to be pious, so he at least knows how to fake it well enough. Those of House Vestra have never been particularly observant about worshiping the Goddess, but they know enough to make it look halfway believable, should they need to pretend.
He'll listen to her, of course. He may not believe - and finds the teachings of the Church of Seiros to be nothing more than lies, a way to organize the masses in their favor - but he can at least humor her today. Maybe someday they'll have to properly talk about religion...
But that's assuming they even get through the conversation about Lady Edelgard's plans. He's certain she'll want nothing to do with him after that. And then...
He's not going to think about it. Not now.]
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Once they're done, she's going to offer her hand again, but...]
Hubert? Um...I don't want to go back downstairs yet, but I...I'd like to make good on that promise. Er--the dance. Um...
Could we...maybe do so up here, instead?
[Marianne really hopes that's not too much to ask...]
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Instead he wishes he could give her that future she wants, one where they can be happy together.
He won't allow himself to imagine what that future could possibly be like. It isn't the future he'll have.]
I'd like that. I'd like to keep you to myself for just a little longer.
[That's certainly true. He loves her too much to let her go, even if it would be easier on her. Once again, he's proving just how selfish he is.
He finds the complaints slip away as he moves to pull her closer - closer than is really appropriate if there were others watching. But no one's likely to come up this far into the Goddess Tower, and if they do, he'll hear them. So for now...
For now he can continue pretending that everything will be okay; that they can have a future together.]
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...Closer than is appropriate, but there's no place she'd rather be as she decides to try and take the lead, if he'll let her...]
And...I'd like to keep you, too. N-not for too long, but...I want to enjoy this with you.
[As long as they can enjoy this. Marianne begins to hum again, no matter if she leads or if he decides to lead instead--either way, she doesn't want this moment to end.]
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Hubert follows easily, trying not to let his gaze dart too frequently. He does want this - more than he could possibly express - but there's something about doing this here and now that flusters him. He tries to take his mind off it.]
You really have improved tremendously. You deserved to win the White Heron Cup.
[The praise leaves him easily, as if flustering her will distract from his own embarrassment.]
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But then Hubert speaks up, and Marianne's face promptly goes red as a goddess forsaken beet as she looks up at him, flushed.]
I-I--well, I--that's only because of your help, isn't it? [...Apparently she's decided that this is a polite declaration of war.] Really, I...I think you could have won the cup too, you know. If Byleth had decided to enter you instead...you're...very graceful, and good at this.
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Thankfully, our professor had the right idea in choosing you. You are far more graceful than I could manage, and I certainly can't say I would have put my all into the attempt even if I had been chosen. You not only won, but you improved tremendously in such a short amount of time - a testament to just how hard you worked for the victory.
[Hah, there.]
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Even if that is true, I...I only learned from your example. If you truly gave it your all on the stage, I'm sure that not a single person could have beaten you. N-not even me. I don't even think anyone in the other houses could come close...honestly, I don't think you would even have to try, because you're...very good at it.
[...It's a weak protest but Marianne doesn't want to lose this once.]
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I believe you're overselling it. I'm not nearly as good as you claim. It was only through necessity that I learned, and any improvements have only been in order to keep up with you.
[He's gonna die????]
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W-what? No, that's...that's not true at all. I'm...even now, I-I'm still learning from you on how to do everything properly--even...even the Professor couldn't teach me to do so, with the lesson that they had given. Even if it was from necessity...you...you...
[...Yeah, no, Marianne is just. Fucking dead now. Rest in pieces, she's just going to lean into Hubert and try to hide how utterly red in the face she's gotten from all of the praise.
Rip in fuck, Marianne.]
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He's quiet for a moment, allowing her some time to compose herself before he speaks again.]
...I am glad you came to me for assistance. I... really enjoyed teaching you.
[The words are always a little simple when he's being this honest. It's a dreadful flaw of his.]
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But then he speaks up, and Marianne looks up at him--her face still flushed to hell and back, and she does embarrassedly glance away, but...]
I'm...I'm glad you did. It was really, really nice of you to do that for me. Even if I was...really bad at it, at first.
[Marianne admittedly can't tell the difference when he's lying or telling the truth, admittedly, but she has no reason to believe he'd lie to her. As far as she knows, he's always been truthful.]
I-It um...really made me like you all the more. I think. Knowing how kind you were to do so.
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I'm not kind.
[It leaves him immediately, before he can think about it. That's... not a good sign... Maybe she'll just think he's being picky about it or something, anyway time to move on quickly—]
I agree, though. Teaching you was a wonderful way to get to know you even better, and seeing you work so hard was... very nice. I'm very happy you wanted my assistance.
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You're...really the only one I trusted with something like that. You went out of your way to try and slow everything down, so that I would get it, and I...I really did appreciate it. Nobody else ever thought of that.
[...]
Why don't you think you're kind?
[Marianne's a little worried, honestly...did she say something out of turn? She probably said something out of turn. Marianne stops dancing and shrinks in on herself--]
I-I'm sorry, I--I shouldn't question it. I shouldn't have said anything at all.
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There isn't any way he can think of to address that. What is he supposed to say? He can't reveal the things he's done for Lady Edelgard - the things he will do for Lady Edelgard - and now isn't the time to talk about her path and what will happen in the future. He could, certainly, but he doesn't want to. Not yet. He doesn't want to end tonight on a sour note like that. He just wants things to be okay for a little bit longer.
But he can't just dismiss it, not after she apologizes for overstepping her bounds - which she hasn't, she's well within her rights to ask.
He wants to reassure her and comfort her, but he doesn't know how to. It wouldn't be fair to.]
House Vestra is... not exactly like many other noble families. We serve as the Emperor's shadow, doing whatever needs to be done to assist the Emperor, no matter how terrible. I have been trained from a young age to see to Lady Edelgard's needs in the same way.
[It's a careful answer, and his gaze drifts off somewhere over her shoulder so he's no longer looking at her.]
...I am not the sort of person who is capable of being kind.
[And that's... really it, isn't it. It's not an admission of anything else, but maybe it's a start. Maybe it'll help explain things a bit when the inevitable does happen.
He isn't kind. He doesn't know how to be kind. And he never will, since it isn't something he needs.]
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Not at all what Marianne expected. She's never been one to keep up with rumors about the nobility (because she's had to deal with her own, fending off the rumors and the scholars and everyone else who wanted to study her or condemn her like she already condemns herself--), but the idea that he does such reprehensible things...that his whole family was trained for that...
Marianne isn't disgusted, but her look seems almost...sad, for a moment. Sad for the life he's lead. Sad for the one he still leads, that he will lead when Edelgard eventually becomes Empress, but...
There's so much she could say. She could tell him it doesn't matter, but it clearly does if he's so offended by it. She could tell him that the goddess would surely forgive him, but he's not a religious sort.
It's suddenly hitting Marianne that she has no idea how to deal with this, but her grip tightens on him, and she doesn't want him to run away. Marianne adores him, even despite this, but her words have never been good for this sort of thing--]
Hubert.
[Marianne is perhaps...surprisingly firm, for once.]
What...would you call teaching me how to dance, then? What would you call coming up here to pray, even...even when you aren't religious? What would you call, um, doing so many things with me that...that you know make me happy?
I...I think that's kindness. I think that's--that your actions speak far louder to me, than your words do. E-Even if you do whatever must be done for Edelgard, t-that doesn't change that.
[Marianne isn't sure how to convey that even if such a thing is a shock--that it's not something she expected, that she doesn't believe it and that she really, truly believes he's capable of being kind.]
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Her grip is tight and she looks... sad? Sad. He isn't sure what to do with this and as she continues he only ends up even more confused.]
I...
[What would he call that? None of it has been necessary for Lady Edelgard or her plans, he knows that. It's why he's had such a hard time with all of this, after all, because in the end he doesn't know how to pursue anything he wants for himself. That's what Lady Edelgard has been trying to get at this whole time.
So if none of this was necessary and he was doing it just because he wants to, because it will make her happy and because he loves her, then what does that make it?
"Kind" may not be the exact word for it, but it's pretty damn close.]
I see.
[He sort of doesn't?? But his gaze darts and he can feel himself flushing.]
You have my apologies, then. For... For speaking so cruelly about my actions. Everything I have done for you is because I want to please you and help you.
[And that's perhaps too true.]
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He asked her once if she intended to let her crest control her life--something that defined her, something that she believed would snatch away any happiness she had in a heartbeat. Hubert's taught her that it doesn't have to control her; he's given her so much kindness and understanding that it's...overwhelming, sometimes.
Maybe she's just lovestruck, or hoping too cling to the one thing she loves, but...well, she wouldn't have grown those flowers if she didn't love him, would she?]
...It's okay. I...I know what it's like, at least kind of...
[Marianne winds up averting her gaze.]
But...I'm glad. That...that means that you're not as...um, bad at this as you think. A-at least that's what I think.
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