[Sometimes, even Griss deserves the Divine One's mercy. Which is certainly what Griss isn't showing her tonight. There's a twitch of a smile in Alear's expression, though; not even she's entirely sure why, but by the time she gives the signal, she's satisfied. There's a good catharsis to it, and the burns on her arm and a somewhat nasty one on her leg are perfectly fine, as far as she's concerned.
It takes a moment, but Alear will join Griss once she's gotten her bearings. The remark gets something of a huff out of Alear at first, but...]
...Well, you're definitely not wrong.
[She's supposed to be this indomitable force of good, but man, after today, she feels just like she did when she first woke up. When Lumera first died, the wounds ripped open all anew--]
Sorry for not giving you a satisfying battle. But yes, today has been...wearing on my mind, a lot more than I thought. It's kind of eye opening, but...the kind where it was something you could've gone the rest of your life not knowing?
[Kind of eye opening, but something you could've gone the rest of your life not knowing. Yeah, he sort of understands. Like learning that Zephia wasn't actually all that loyal to Sombron. Like realizing she didn't even know how much she matters to him. Something sorta like that, even if it's not exactly the same.
Griss reaches out without preamble, but the healing magic he calls to his fingers is explanation enough. Let him see those injuries while you talk; no sense letting the Divine One return to the others with burns left from training when he can heal them.]
Yeah, sounds like it. Can't even begin to imagine what you're going through.
[And that's true, though it isn't dismissive when he says it. Griss is focused more on healing than on Alear herself, but after a moment he speaks up again.]
...So did you remember anything during all of that? Or was it just... startlin' to see it happen like that?
[Without thinking, Alear presents her injuries to Griss without much further comment at first. Her expression is contemplative, quiet, and...almost a little empty, though she keeps her gaze toward the ground while she talks.]
...A bit of both. Hearing just how my other self had been so broken down by living under Sombron's thumb, how they described their siblings dying, and just seeing how she used to live fills me with chills. It was horrifying, awful, and I meant what I said. That I hope she wakes up and finds some kind of happiness.
[A small pause. Alear's gaze comes up from the ground, watching Griss work.]
...I remembered...meeting Queen Lumera. I think, for the first time.
[Damn, he really did a number on her, huh... Maybe he went a little harder than he needed to. Still, the injuries are healing nicely and he doesn't look up from his work as she speaks.]
Yeah? What was she like?
[Though he knows of Lumera, he never had any reason to have any dealings with her. Zephia often spoke as if she knew the woman, but he never really asked her about that either.
Regardless, it isn't as though Griss truly cares about Lumera - that much is likely obvious to Alear too. But this seems a better topic and one that can put some distance between Alear and... well, he other self and what horrors she witnessed under Sombron.
And if he's honest... it really isn't all that farfetched that Sombron was cruel to his kids. It isn't all that unbelievable that she really was a completely different person with her memories of that time. Something about that bothers him in a way he can't place, so Griss ignores it and resumes healing. It shouldn't be much longer before those burns are entirely gone.]
Mother was...warm. Kind, and caring. I could see it in her eyes; I couldn't tell why she looked at me, at the time, with that warmth and kindness and extended hand, but it was welcoming. Like a bright light I was so desperate to reach out to, that I could scarcely believe was reaching for me.
...But I guess to put it simply, she made me feel alive, for the first time in my life. She made me feel something other than empty and driven to not die, and...I don't know. I've gotten so used to the way everyone else has treated me, that being reminded of that...I don't know. I kind of feel like I lost her all over again.
[Alear goes quiet for a little bit. Just kind of staring and watching Griss work for a while; magic's beyond her, even if she's resistance blessed as hell. But something nags at her mind, really, the more she thinks about it. But she just lets that set, for a moment.]
[By the time Alear stops speaking, Griss is done healing her injuries. His hands hover over her arm a moment longer than they need to before he pulls back, making aggressive amounts of eye contact as usual.
She's all healed, and he's heard her story. So he should have some reaction to it. "Sorry we killed your mom" is too damn insincere coming from him, of all people, so what the hell does he say? ]
I can only guess at how much it sucked to lose her once, let alone to feel it all over again.
[It's a start that's almost hesitant, but Griss continues quickly.]
Don't know who my mom was or what happened to her, so guessin's all I've got. Still, havin' that come up in battle? No wonder you're still thinking about it.
[He falls quiet again, gaze drifting back towards her arm. Physical wounds are so much easier to heal...
Though if he stopped to ask himself why he's bothering trying to help the Divine One in the first place, he probably wouldn't like the answer.]
[Alear's mind drifts while she listens to Griss speak, while he looks at her arm. It replays her Mother's death again; how hopeless she felt. The knowledge that all these years had passed, and Lumera gave her every bit of strength she had within her to survive. To become the savior they needed.
She wondered what would happen if Queen Lumera could see her now, with her killers among their allies. Alear isn't sure what she'd think. Maybe it's insulting. She doesn't know. But maybe, just maybe she'd understand, at least Zephia's point of view--]
Yeah. It feels like having your heart ripped from your chest, but the pain doesn't just...go away with time. It's not even pleasant. It just feels empty.
[This is so difficult for Griss. Alear can tell. She's never felt any sympathy for this man, and yet something tugs at her. And yet...]
...Hey, can I ask you something? It's...a little personal, so I understand if you might not want to answer it.
[She'll wait for his answer before speaking again, but--]
What was it like, meeting Zephia, for you? How did you meet?
[Empty. Yeah, he can understand that, even if he can't understand everything else. It's a part of why he likes pain so much - hard to feel empty when you're bleeding, after all. But that seems like the sort of thing Zephia would sigh loudly at, so he probably shouldn't say it.
And speaking of Zephia... Griss tips his head a bit at the question, considering. It isn't like he cares that the question is personal; he's simply not sure why she asked. As a distraction, maybe?
Well, he can be a damn good distraction. It's way easier than trying to find the right words to help.]
We met... must've been over ten years ago, now? I was just a little disciple of Lord Sombron; desperate kid looking for some guidance and meanin' in my life.
Zephia... she just showed up outta the blue one day. Never gave a reason why, and I never asked. But she talked to us - most of us kids, anyway - and by the end of it, I was one of her Hounds.
[What was it like is the harder part to answer, and Griss's gaze drifts away again, focusing on some point in the distance.]
It was like... meeting Lord Sombron himself. Or what I would've imagined it as, back then. She was powerful, beautiful, commanding, and so damn certain. Of herself, her place in the world, everything. 'Course I was gonna follow her.
[It's remarkably open and honest coming from him, when he's always been so quick to deflect whenever his own feelings might be brought up. It's easier to say it now, with only Alear here... though it probably helps that she was willing to spill her heart first.
Ugh, but the thought of saying any more makes him feel antsy, so Griss leans back on his hands and tips his head again.]
She's always been good at that. Many people in the army come to her with their troubles, and Alear's gotten used to listening to people. Their worries, their hopes and dreams, all of them. To listen to Griss at least talk about someone he seems to think the world of...Alear smiles very slightly as she imagines it. Zephia really did bring Griss hope. Purpose, in a way. Alear always had a feeling that Zephia meant the world and more to Griss, but to hear it outright...
It's something new, and even if Griss annoys her to the ends of the earth, it's something that Alear is glad that Griss has for himself. He wants to make Zephia happy. Meeting her did save him, in a way, perhaps, almost like...
When the question is turned back to Alear, she blinks a bit, clearly having gotten distracted. Her gaze goes elsewhere, maybe almost embarrassed about having to answer for herself, but...]
I was just curious. [...] But...it always seemed like Zephia gave you a sense of purpose, and your life was better with her in it.
...I guess I was just wondering if meeting her was...like meeting Mother, for me. That's all.
[He's quiet as Alear finds her words, and when she does Griss tips his head a bit.]
Yeah, I guess so. It's the closest I've got, anyway.
[It's kind of weird to think of Zephia as his mother figure... but not exactly wrong either. That's something he can think more about later, anyway.
For now, he has a better understanding of what Alear's going through. It'd be like losing Zephia, and then suffering that loss again.]
I'm not great at this, and I'm not the person you want to hear this from... but for what little it's worth, I am sorry about your mom.
[Regardless of their reasons for the attack and his own feelings on that, he can acknowledge that it must've hurt like hell to lose her. An apology won't change anything, but maybe it'll make Alear feel slightly better.
After all, she's been willing to put up with him. He can offer her that much.]
[Alear wasn't sure what she was expecting. Getting chewed out for her assumption of their relationship, maybe. A vague sense of understanding; both of those would have been in the realm of possibility, and at first, Alear seems content that he seems to actually understand what she was getting at, and maybe she did have the right of it.
but for what little it's worth, I am sorry about your mom.
Alear isn't sure what her face is doing, or her body--everything in her goes...tense, for a brief moment, before it releases and. Oh.
Not even Alear realized that she really needed to hear that. Even from him.]
...It's worth more than you think. [Alear looks away for a moment, don't you dare comment about the misty eyes buddy--] It means a lot to hear that, even if there's nothing that can be done to bring her back. And I wouldn't have expected it. It's...kind of you. I feel like I understand you a bit better, now, too.
[...]
Thank you, Griss. There's really nothing to be done now but to try and move forward, but...it's appreciated. You didn't have to.
[don't cry don't cry don't you dare cry alear--
She starts to move to get up after that, though, offering a hand for Griss if he needs it. Tonight's definitely been an eye opening experience, to say the least.]
Edited (...mmm, wording? more i look at this the more i headtilt but fuck it) 2023-03-27 00:24 (UTC)
[Now seems like the worst time to laugh at her getting misty-eyed, so he'll look away and pretend he didn't see it. That's the best he can do right now since she's decided to get all emotional about it!!]
I know I didn't. But I wanted to say it.
[For more practical reasons - like how it'd be difficult for Zephia to apologize for... well, everything - but also just because he felt like it. As weird as it feels to admit it, he kinda likes Alear. A bit. Mostly because she's fine beating him up sometimes.
So that's why he accepts her hand when she offers it, and that's why his expression's a bit softer than usual.]
Next time, make sure not to hold back any, yeah? I'm better at bein' a punching bag.
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no subject
It takes a moment, but Alear will join Griss once she's gotten her bearings. The remark gets something of a huff out of Alear at first, but...]
...Well, you're definitely not wrong.
[She's supposed to be this indomitable force of good, but man, after today, she feels just like she did when she first woke up. When Lumera first died, the wounds ripped open all anew--]
Sorry for not giving you a satisfying battle. But yes, today has been...wearing on my mind, a lot more than I thought. It's kind of eye opening, but...the kind where it was something you could've gone the rest of your life not knowing?
[...]
I guess to put it simply, it was...a lot.
no subject
Griss reaches out without preamble, but the healing magic he calls to his fingers is explanation enough. Let him see those injuries while you talk; no sense letting the Divine One return to the others with burns left from training when he can heal them.]
Yeah, sounds like it. Can't even begin to imagine what you're going through.
[And that's true, though it isn't dismissive when he says it. Griss is focused more on healing than on Alear herself, but after a moment he speaks up again.]
...So did you remember anything during all of that? Or was it just... startlin' to see it happen like that?
no subject
...A bit of both. Hearing just how my other self had been so broken down by living under Sombron's thumb, how they described their siblings dying, and just seeing how she used to live fills me with chills. It was horrifying, awful, and I meant what I said. That I hope she wakes up and finds some kind of happiness.
[A small pause. Alear's gaze comes up from the ground, watching Griss work.]
...I remembered...meeting Queen Lumera. I think, for the first time.
no subject
Yeah? What was she like?
[Though he knows of Lumera, he never had any reason to have any dealings with her. Zephia often spoke as if she knew the woman, but he never really asked her about that either.
Regardless, it isn't as though Griss truly cares about Lumera - that much is likely obvious to Alear too. But this seems a better topic and one that can put some distance between Alear and... well, he other self and what horrors she witnessed under Sombron.
And if he's honest... it really isn't all that farfetched that Sombron was cruel to his kids. It isn't all that unbelievable that she really was a completely different person with her memories of that time. Something about that bothers him in a way he can't place, so Griss ignores it and resumes healing. It shouldn't be much longer before those burns are entirely gone.]
no subject
Mother was...warm. Kind, and caring. I could see it in her eyes; I couldn't tell why she looked at me, at the time, with that warmth and kindness and extended hand, but it was welcoming. Like a bright light I was so desperate to reach out to, that I could scarcely believe was reaching for me.
...But I guess to put it simply, she made me feel alive, for the first time in my life. She made me feel something other than empty and driven to not die, and...I don't know. I've gotten so used to the way everyone else has treated me, that being reminded of that...I don't know. I kind of feel like I lost her all over again.
[Alear goes quiet for a little bit. Just kind of staring and watching Griss work for a while; magic's beyond her, even if she's resistance blessed as hell. But something nags at her mind, really, the more she thinks about it. But she just lets that set, for a moment.]
no subject
She's all healed, and he's heard her story. So he should have some reaction to it. "Sorry we killed your mom" is too damn insincere coming from him, of all people, so what the hell does he say? ]
I can only guess at how much it sucked to lose her once, let alone to feel it all over again.
[It's a start that's almost hesitant, but Griss continues quickly.]
Don't know who my mom was or what happened to her, so guessin's all I've got. Still, havin' that come up in battle? No wonder you're still thinking about it.
[He falls quiet again, gaze drifting back towards her arm. Physical wounds are so much easier to heal...
Though if he stopped to ask himself why he's bothering trying to help the Divine One in the first place, he probably wouldn't like the answer.]
no subject
She wondered what would happen if Queen Lumera could see her now, with her killers among their allies. Alear isn't sure what she'd think. Maybe it's insulting. She doesn't know. But maybe, just maybe she'd understand, at least Zephia's point of view--]
Yeah. It feels like having your heart ripped from your chest, but the pain doesn't just...go away with time. It's not even pleasant. It just feels empty.
[This is so difficult for Griss. Alear can tell. She's never felt any sympathy for this man, and yet something tugs at her. And yet...]
...Hey, can I ask you something? It's...a little personal, so I understand if you might not want to answer it.
[She'll wait for his answer before speaking again, but--]
What was it like, meeting Zephia, for you? How did you meet?
no subject
And speaking of Zephia... Griss tips his head a bit at the question, considering. It isn't like he cares that the question is personal; he's simply not sure why she asked. As a distraction, maybe?
Well, he can be a damn good distraction. It's way easier than trying to find the right words to help.]
We met... must've been over ten years ago, now? I was just a little disciple of Lord Sombron; desperate kid looking for some guidance and meanin' in my life.
Zephia... she just showed up outta the blue one day. Never gave a reason why, and I never asked. But she talked to us - most of us kids, anyway - and by the end of it, I was one of her Hounds.
[What was it like is the harder part to answer, and Griss's gaze drifts away again, focusing on some point in the distance.]
It was like... meeting Lord Sombron himself. Or what I would've imagined it as, back then. She was powerful, beautiful, commanding, and so damn certain. Of herself, her place in the world, everything. 'Course I was gonna follow her.
[It's remarkably open and honest coming from him, when he's always been so quick to deflect whenever his own feelings might be brought up. It's easier to say it now, with only Alear here... though it probably helps that she was willing to spill her heart first.
Ugh, but the thought of saying any more makes him feel antsy, so Griss leans back on his hands and tips his head again.]
Why do you ask?
no subject
She's always been good at that. Many people in the army come to her with their troubles, and Alear's gotten used to listening to people. Their worries, their hopes and dreams, all of them. To listen to Griss at least talk about someone he seems to think the world of...Alear smiles very slightly as she imagines it. Zephia really did bring Griss hope. Purpose, in a way. Alear always had a feeling that Zephia meant the world and more to Griss, but to hear it outright...
It's something new, and even if Griss annoys her to the ends of the earth, it's something that Alear is glad that Griss has for himself. He wants to make Zephia happy. Meeting her did save him, in a way, perhaps, almost like...
When the question is turned back to Alear, she blinks a bit, clearly having gotten distracted. Her gaze goes elsewhere, maybe almost embarrassed about having to answer for herself, but...]
I was just curious. [...] But...it always seemed like Zephia gave you a sense of purpose, and your life was better with her in it.
...I guess I was just wondering if meeting her was...like meeting Mother, for me. That's all.
no subject
Yeah, I guess so. It's the closest I've got, anyway.
[It's kind of weird to think of Zephia as his mother figure... but not exactly wrong either. That's something he can think more about later, anyway.
For now, he has a better understanding of what Alear's going through. It'd be like losing Zephia, and then suffering that loss again.]
I'm not great at this, and I'm not the person you want to hear this from... but for what little it's worth, I am sorry about your mom.
[Regardless of their reasons for the attack and his own feelings on that, he can acknowledge that it must've hurt like hell to lose her. An apology won't change anything, but maybe it'll make Alear feel slightly better.
After all, she's been willing to put up with him. He can offer her that much.]
no subject
but for what little it's worth, I am sorry about your mom.
Alear isn't sure what her face is doing, or her body--everything in her goes...tense, for a brief moment, before it releases and. Oh.
Not even Alear realized that she really needed to hear that. Even from him.]
...It's worth more than you think. [Alear looks away for a moment, don't you dare comment about the misty eyes buddy--] It means a lot to hear that, even if there's nothing that can be done to bring her back. And I wouldn't have expected it. It's...kind of you. I feel like I understand you a bit better, now, too.
[...]
Thank you, Griss. There's really nothing to be done now but to try and move forward, but...it's appreciated. You didn't have to.
[don't cry don't cry don't you dare cry alear--
She starts to move to get up after that, though, offering a hand for Griss if he needs it. Tonight's definitely been an eye opening experience, to say the least.]
no subject
I know I didn't. But I wanted to say it.
[For more practical reasons - like how it'd be difficult for Zephia to apologize for... well, everything - but also just because he felt like it. As weird as it feels to admit it, he kinda likes Alear. A bit. Mostly because she's fine beating him up sometimes.
So that's why he accepts her hand when she offers it, and that's why his expression's a bit softer than usual.]
Next time, make sure not to hold back any, yeah? I'm better at bein' a punching bag.
[...the words are the same as always, though.]
no subject
...No, she's killing those thoughts where they stand. It's just nice to finally have an understanding with someone who doesn't see her as divine.]
You know what? Next time, I promise I'll beat you into the dirt and beyond, to repay you for this. You have my word.
[The words may be the same, but she's more than happy to match it. It's the least she can do, at least.
But for tonight...well, maybe she can get back to sleep a little more energized for the days ahead. And she's more than happy about that.]