[Alear's mind drifts while she listens to Griss speak, while he looks at her arm. It replays her Mother's death again; how hopeless she felt. The knowledge that all these years had passed, and Lumera gave her every bit of strength she had within her to survive. To become the savior they needed.
She wondered what would happen if Queen Lumera could see her now, with her killers among their allies. Alear isn't sure what she'd think. Maybe it's insulting. She doesn't know. But maybe, just maybe she'd understand, at least Zephia's point of view--]
Yeah. It feels like having your heart ripped from your chest, but the pain doesn't just...go away with time. It's not even pleasant. It just feels empty.
[This is so difficult for Griss. Alear can tell. She's never felt any sympathy for this man, and yet something tugs at her. And yet...]
...Hey, can I ask you something? It's...a little personal, so I understand if you might not want to answer it.
[She'll wait for his answer before speaking again, but--]
What was it like, meeting Zephia, for you? How did you meet?
[Empty. Yeah, he can understand that, even if he can't understand everything else. It's a part of why he likes pain so much - hard to feel empty when you're bleeding, after all. But that seems like the sort of thing Zephia would sigh loudly at, so he probably shouldn't say it.
And speaking of Zephia... Griss tips his head a bit at the question, considering. It isn't like he cares that the question is personal; he's simply not sure why she asked. As a distraction, maybe?
Well, he can be a damn good distraction. It's way easier than trying to find the right words to help.]
We met... must've been over ten years ago, now? I was just a little disciple of Lord Sombron; desperate kid looking for some guidance and meanin' in my life.
Zephia... she just showed up outta the blue one day. Never gave a reason why, and I never asked. But she talked to us - most of us kids, anyway - and by the end of it, I was one of her Hounds.
[What was it like is the harder part to answer, and Griss's gaze drifts away again, focusing on some point in the distance.]
It was like... meeting Lord Sombron himself. Or what I would've imagined it as, back then. She was powerful, beautiful, commanding, and so damn certain. Of herself, her place in the world, everything. 'Course I was gonna follow her.
[It's remarkably open and honest coming from him, when he's always been so quick to deflect whenever his own feelings might be brought up. It's easier to say it now, with only Alear here... though it probably helps that she was willing to spill her heart first.
Ugh, but the thought of saying any more makes him feel antsy, so Griss leans back on his hands and tips his head again.]
She's always been good at that. Many people in the army come to her with their troubles, and Alear's gotten used to listening to people. Their worries, their hopes and dreams, all of them. To listen to Griss at least talk about someone he seems to think the world of...Alear smiles very slightly as she imagines it. Zephia really did bring Griss hope. Purpose, in a way. Alear always had a feeling that Zephia meant the world and more to Griss, but to hear it outright...
It's something new, and even if Griss annoys her to the ends of the earth, it's something that Alear is glad that Griss has for himself. He wants to make Zephia happy. Meeting her did save him, in a way, perhaps, almost like...
When the question is turned back to Alear, she blinks a bit, clearly having gotten distracted. Her gaze goes elsewhere, maybe almost embarrassed about having to answer for herself, but...]
I was just curious. [...] But...it always seemed like Zephia gave you a sense of purpose, and your life was better with her in it.
...I guess I was just wondering if meeting her was...like meeting Mother, for me. That's all.
[He's quiet as Alear finds her words, and when she does Griss tips his head a bit.]
Yeah, I guess so. It's the closest I've got, anyway.
[It's kind of weird to think of Zephia as his mother figure... but not exactly wrong either. That's something he can think more about later, anyway.
For now, he has a better understanding of what Alear's going through. It'd be like losing Zephia, and then suffering that loss again.]
I'm not great at this, and I'm not the person you want to hear this from... but for what little it's worth, I am sorry about your mom.
[Regardless of their reasons for the attack and his own feelings on that, he can acknowledge that it must've hurt like hell to lose her. An apology won't change anything, but maybe it'll make Alear feel slightly better.
After all, she's been willing to put up with him. He can offer her that much.]
[Alear wasn't sure what she was expecting. Getting chewed out for her assumption of their relationship, maybe. A vague sense of understanding; both of those would have been in the realm of possibility, and at first, Alear seems content that he seems to actually understand what she was getting at, and maybe she did have the right of it.
but for what little it's worth, I am sorry about your mom.
Alear isn't sure what her face is doing, or her body--everything in her goes...tense, for a brief moment, before it releases and. Oh.
Not even Alear realized that she really needed to hear that. Even from him.]
...It's worth more than you think. [Alear looks away for a moment, don't you dare comment about the misty eyes buddy--] It means a lot to hear that, even if there's nothing that can be done to bring her back. And I wouldn't have expected it. It's...kind of you. I feel like I understand you a bit better, now, too.
[...]
Thank you, Griss. There's really nothing to be done now but to try and move forward, but...it's appreciated. You didn't have to.
[don't cry don't cry don't you dare cry alear--
She starts to move to get up after that, though, offering a hand for Griss if he needs it. Tonight's definitely been an eye opening experience, to say the least.]
Edited (...mmm, wording? more i look at this the more i headtilt but fuck it) 2023-03-27 00:24 (UTC)
[Now seems like the worst time to laugh at her getting misty-eyed, so he'll look away and pretend he didn't see it. That's the best he can do right now since she's decided to get all emotional about it!!]
I know I didn't. But I wanted to say it.
[For more practical reasons - like how it'd be difficult for Zephia to apologize for... well, everything - but also just because he felt like it. As weird as it feels to admit it, he kinda likes Alear. A bit. Mostly because she's fine beating him up sometimes.
So that's why he accepts her hand when she offers it, and that's why his expression's a bit softer than usual.]
Next time, make sure not to hold back any, yeah? I'm better at bein' a punching bag.
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She wondered what would happen if Queen Lumera could see her now, with her killers among their allies. Alear isn't sure what she'd think. Maybe it's insulting. She doesn't know. But maybe, just maybe she'd understand, at least Zephia's point of view--]
Yeah. It feels like having your heart ripped from your chest, but the pain doesn't just...go away with time. It's not even pleasant. It just feels empty.
[This is so difficult for Griss. Alear can tell. She's never felt any sympathy for this man, and yet something tugs at her. And yet...]
...Hey, can I ask you something? It's...a little personal, so I understand if you might not want to answer it.
[She'll wait for his answer before speaking again, but--]
What was it like, meeting Zephia, for you? How did you meet?
no subject
And speaking of Zephia... Griss tips his head a bit at the question, considering. It isn't like he cares that the question is personal; he's simply not sure why she asked. As a distraction, maybe?
Well, he can be a damn good distraction. It's way easier than trying to find the right words to help.]
We met... must've been over ten years ago, now? I was just a little disciple of Lord Sombron; desperate kid looking for some guidance and meanin' in my life.
Zephia... she just showed up outta the blue one day. Never gave a reason why, and I never asked. But she talked to us - most of us kids, anyway - and by the end of it, I was one of her Hounds.
[What was it like is the harder part to answer, and Griss's gaze drifts away again, focusing on some point in the distance.]
It was like... meeting Lord Sombron himself. Or what I would've imagined it as, back then. She was powerful, beautiful, commanding, and so damn certain. Of herself, her place in the world, everything. 'Course I was gonna follow her.
[It's remarkably open and honest coming from him, when he's always been so quick to deflect whenever his own feelings might be brought up. It's easier to say it now, with only Alear here... though it probably helps that she was willing to spill her heart first.
Ugh, but the thought of saying any more makes him feel antsy, so Griss leans back on his hands and tips his head again.]
Why do you ask?
no subject
She's always been good at that. Many people in the army come to her with their troubles, and Alear's gotten used to listening to people. Their worries, their hopes and dreams, all of them. To listen to Griss at least talk about someone he seems to think the world of...Alear smiles very slightly as she imagines it. Zephia really did bring Griss hope. Purpose, in a way. Alear always had a feeling that Zephia meant the world and more to Griss, but to hear it outright...
It's something new, and even if Griss annoys her to the ends of the earth, it's something that Alear is glad that Griss has for himself. He wants to make Zephia happy. Meeting her did save him, in a way, perhaps, almost like...
When the question is turned back to Alear, she blinks a bit, clearly having gotten distracted. Her gaze goes elsewhere, maybe almost embarrassed about having to answer for herself, but...]
I was just curious. [...] But...it always seemed like Zephia gave you a sense of purpose, and your life was better with her in it.
...I guess I was just wondering if meeting her was...like meeting Mother, for me. That's all.
no subject
Yeah, I guess so. It's the closest I've got, anyway.
[It's kind of weird to think of Zephia as his mother figure... but not exactly wrong either. That's something he can think more about later, anyway.
For now, he has a better understanding of what Alear's going through. It'd be like losing Zephia, and then suffering that loss again.]
I'm not great at this, and I'm not the person you want to hear this from... but for what little it's worth, I am sorry about your mom.
[Regardless of their reasons for the attack and his own feelings on that, he can acknowledge that it must've hurt like hell to lose her. An apology won't change anything, but maybe it'll make Alear feel slightly better.
After all, she's been willing to put up with him. He can offer her that much.]
no subject
but for what little it's worth, I am sorry about your mom.
Alear isn't sure what her face is doing, or her body--everything in her goes...tense, for a brief moment, before it releases and. Oh.
Not even Alear realized that she really needed to hear that. Even from him.]
...It's worth more than you think. [Alear looks away for a moment, don't you dare comment about the misty eyes buddy--] It means a lot to hear that, even if there's nothing that can be done to bring her back. And I wouldn't have expected it. It's...kind of you. I feel like I understand you a bit better, now, too.
[...]
Thank you, Griss. There's really nothing to be done now but to try and move forward, but...it's appreciated. You didn't have to.
[don't cry don't cry don't you dare cry alear--
She starts to move to get up after that, though, offering a hand for Griss if he needs it. Tonight's definitely been an eye opening experience, to say the least.]
no subject
I know I didn't. But I wanted to say it.
[For more practical reasons - like how it'd be difficult for Zephia to apologize for... well, everything - but also just because he felt like it. As weird as it feels to admit it, he kinda likes Alear. A bit. Mostly because she's fine beating him up sometimes.
So that's why he accepts her hand when she offers it, and that's why his expression's a bit softer than usual.]
Next time, make sure not to hold back any, yeah? I'm better at bein' a punching bag.
[...the words are the same as always, though.]
no subject
...No, she's killing those thoughts where they stand. It's just nice to finally have an understanding with someone who doesn't see her as divine.]
You know what? Next time, I promise I'll beat you into the dirt and beyond, to repay you for this. You have my word.
[The words may be the same, but she's more than happy to match it. It's the least she can do, at least.
But for tonight...well, maybe she can get back to sleep a little more energized for the days ahead. And she's more than happy about that.]