sranks | we're flying through the night

we're flying through the night

[There are a lot of things Hubert knows for certain.

He knows that Lady Edelgard will take the throne and usher in a new era for Fódlan. He knows that his duty is to serve Lady Edelgard, regardless of personal cost. He knows that he would do anything and everything for her. He knows that his entire being is devoted to her, completely. He knows that nothing can stand in the way of her conquest or of his devotion.

He also knows that he's been coughing up flower petals for exactly a week now.

Hanahaki Disease is certainly not uncommon in the monastery; most of them are a bunch of stupid teenagers, it certainly isn't surprising that several of them have managed to find themselves developing feelings for someone. Such a stupid, pointless thing should have been limited to the dumb teenagers who have nothing to worry about but grades and their stupid, pointless feelings for one another.

This shouldn't be happening to someone like him. Perhaps he would be taking the situation more seriously if his feelings were for Lady Edelgard - although a situation like that is a bit horrifying to imagine. He would never betray her trust in such a way. He loves her, certainly. But not like that. That would only cause problems.

No, these feelings have come from someone else; someone entirely unexpected.

Marianne.

It's been four months since they met. In truth, he doesn't recall much of their first interaction. Claude had called Lady Edelgard over (which meant he had come with her) to introduce the others in his house as they ate breakfast. All he can remember is assessing the individuals to see if any of them could potentially be useful to the future Empress or if they could pose a threat. Marianne hadn't stood out at the time.

She hadn't stood out much when they'd first ended up talking either. It had been during some downtime, when she was tending to the animals and he was doing his usual patrols around the grounds. He'd startled the horses she was tending to so badly it had taken her quite a long time to calm them down. He had lingered a bit - curiosity compelling him to stay and watch - but he doesn't recall much of their conversation that day. Marianne was just as quiet as he had figured.

They met a few times like that, where she took care of the horses and pegasi and he watched. Despite being the most intimidating student in the academy (because he was certainly more intimidating than Dedue), she had let him remain there without much in the way of commentary.

Eventually, she ended up joining their class. Professor Byleth is certainly a skilled instructor (despite their lack of experience in teaching), so it was no surprise that Marianne had eventually left the Golden Deer to join up with them. Not that he's really aware why Marianne had joined - he hasn't asked her. It's the most logical conclusion, though.

From there, they were set to stable duty together. He'd tried to get the professor to change their mind and stick him with Lady Edelgard, but they had refused to budge. Lady Edelgard also seems to be fine with her current job with Dorothea, so he supposes he can't complain too much... Even so, it's left him with a lot of time to get to know Marianne.

Oh, sure, they don't really talk that much. At first, it was difficult to work with her. She was so quiet and he was completely inexperienced at tending to animals, and the whole thing was a mess. But eventually she started explaining how and why she was doing things to help calm the animals, and while they certainly don't like him, they're beginning to warm up a bit.

He would have just left it at that, and maybe this whole Hanahaki disaster wouldn't have happened. But instead, he decided he needed to be three steps ahead - as always - and asked Marianne to teach him to ride. A horse, of course, he wouldn't dare get near a wyvern or a pegasus. Hopefully no one was aware of that little problem.

Marianne had agreed, and riding lessons have been going surprisingly smoothly. Hubert was taught to ride as a child, but his mastery of horses is... lacking. Desperately lacking. If he has to fight on horseback, he'll definitely die. So learning to train a horse and teach it to respond to his commands is important, and Marianne has been helping tremendously.

Well, she was helping. Before the whole Hanahaki disaster thing.

He hasn't seen her in three days. Not that he's avoiding her. Or keeping track of the days. No, that isn't it at all. It's just that he's been terribly busy with Lady Edelgard's plans - they still can't do anything just yet, but every step is another one closer to her victory. It's slow-going, but it's a necessity.

In truth, he's been distant from everyone, even her. He has work to do, certainly. But he also has to keep these stupid petals to himself so no one finds out. Admitting that he has a problem sounds like a horrible idea. It would just cause Lady Edelgard to worry and the other students of the Black Eagles house to tease him mercilessly. So no, he won't do that. Once he has the time, he'll simply track down Professor Manuela and make her remove this stupid thing. The memories he'll lose don't matter to him.

(Never mind that he could do this at any point and waiting only makes it worse.)

Today isn't really any better than any of the days before it. He can usually get through the days with only two coughing jags, and he's been lucky enough to hide it from everyone. Today continues that trend - but only barely.

It strikes him when he's in the library, searching through financial records for information that could assist Lady Edelgard. The near-choking feeling hits him suddenly, and he coughs up more than a handful of delicate, white petals. The fact that they're still white is good - it hasn't been long enough to risk staining them red. Perhaps that's the one good thing about this - at least he's coughing up light-colored petals.

Linhardt is in the library, but even the rough, nearly-pained sounds of coughing up flower petals isn't enough to wake him. Hubert can be thankful of that much, but he's certainly not wasting any more time in here. He puts the books away, grabs the petals, and leaves. Hubert heads back to his room in a hurry, those petals clutched tightly in hand so no one will see them. No one can know about this.

...He's missed a single petal, but surely that isn't important.]

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[Marianne was really hoping that he would simply leave it at that and leave her be. She wants to get back to her room, and she already feels her throat starting to tickle in the worst ways--]

I...it's...

[Marianne tries to gulp another breath down, and it doesn't help.]

I'm only going to bring you misfortune, if you stay near me. It would be best if you kept your distance.

[It's soft, but it's firm. She's believed it all her life, after all.]

Misfortune?

[Now that he thinks about it... he has heard something like that, hasn't he? Dorothea was gossiping about that with Petra at one point, wasn't she? He'd dismissed it as idle chatter that was in no way important, but it sounds like Marianne actually believes that. For some reason.

Logically, there's no reason to pursue it any further. Superstitions like that are of no importance to him, and if this is what she believes, then he doubts he can change her mind. There's really no point at all in debating it further.

But his hand comes up to his chin as he considers it anyway and he's decided to speak even though it is pretty pointless.]

Do you really think you bring misfortune to others? How odd. I have a hard time imagining that.

[Despite the word choice, there's nothing in his tone to indicate sarcasm or anything pointed. It's certainly not gentle, but it's an attempt to open a dialogue, to hear her thoughts on it.

He is curious, and some small part of him wonders if there is a way to help free her of such a horrible misconception.]

[Why was he asking her? Really, Marianne was hoping that he would be content to leave it at that, but does she really want to go into all of the misfortune she and her parents have faced because of their crest? No, no, she shouldn't, her adoptive father already paid the church an incredible sum to hide her crest, and she can't just break all of that at once.

No matter how much Marianne's chest aches, how much she likes Hubert--the cold, intimidating man who she let herself get too friendly with--she needs to let go of before something bad happens to him too.]

...That's all I've been able to bring people in my life; there's nothing to imagine about it. I just don't want to bring that to onto you. Especially if you...really are dealing with that.

[Marianne keeps her words vague, but her hand goes near her neck for a moment. The throat tickling is a little bit too much, and she turns away to cough into her hand a bit. Ah, great, that's--]

P-Please, you should-- [Another cough, a little harsher.] --you need to go, Hubert.

Edited (comma how did you get there) 2019-09-16 05:36 (UTC)

[His expression darkens for a moment when she brings it up, but it's clear she isn't trying to press him about it. That much is good at least. Then she start coughing and...

Oh. Oh no. What if she also has...?

This entire time he's assumed that Marianne isn't like the other idiots at the monastery, he assumed she wouldn't be stupid enough to fall for anyone here and find herself afflicted with the same disease. It's certainly possible that she's just ill or something, but it doesn't really seem likely.

Somehow, it never occurred to him that Marianne could have feelings for someone else.

Whatever it is he's feeling is deeply unpleasant, but instead of doing the smart thing and turning away to leave, he winds up staying. He wants to— no, he needs to know.]

You don't need to worry about me. I can handle any misfortune you may or may not bring. I've dealt with worse.

[The words aren't overconfident, they're simply stated as a fact. He's dealt with a lot of shit over the years, he'll probably be fine.

Of course, he doubts she'll buy that the only reason he's staying here is to argue this point with her. So he folds his arms and falls silent. Watching.]

[Why isn't he leaving.

This is just her luck today, isn't it? Hubert's not leaving her be, even when he should, when she's going to ruin his chances with Edelgard if he stays around her too much, and that coughing fit isn't stopping. No, if anything it's getting worse, and she turns almost entirely away from him and coughs into her hand--]

Please-- [Marianne's tone is more insistent, though it sounds like she's pretty blocked up with something if her coughing is any indication.] --you're very important to Edelgard, and I know she's important to you too. If I was the reason you got hurt, I'd never...

[Marianne looks at her hand, at the blue petals that have come out, and she feels herself pale and her words stop all at once.

They've gotten much bigger, and there's at least a few with a speckle or two of red on them. Goddess above--this is getting worse. Marianne crouches down and attempts to collect the petals that have fallen on the ground as fast as she can. She can't let him see them, she can't--]

I'd never forgive myself. I've already been too close to you as it is...

[There it is. He watches, seemingly impassive as she coughs up petals. From where he's standing he can't see the blood speckles, but he can see the size of them. They're larger than the ones he's been dealing with. She may still have some time, but for whatever reason she hasn't gotten rid of them yet or tried to confess.

...Given what she believes about herself, he's not surprised by the latter.

Something about it infuriates him. Maybe it's the fact that she's leaving this untreated, maybe it's that she's developed feelings for someone else even before he developed feelings for her (and he never had a chance— not that he really wanted one, but—) or maybe it's just general frustration at seeing her hurting like this and knowing that there isn't a damn thing he can do to help her.

His breath catches for a moment, and he forces it out as he tries to smother the anger.]

You aren't going to cause anything to happen. Lady Edelgard and I will be just fine.

[That's the first thing to address, because it is the most important. It's not exactly reassuring, but it's certain. There's no room for argument.]

Who are those for?

[He inclines his head just a bit to indicate the petals. It's a mistake for several reasons, but he can't say he really cares about any of them right now. He wants to know. He wants to know so he can...

So he can what? This isn't his problem to solve. This isn't something he can do anything about. It's likely Marianne's found herself taken with someone's charms within their house, and given that Dorothea and Ferdinand exist, he's not really surprised. Still, it leaves him feeling antsy and angry in a way he doesn't like.]

[He doesn't know that. He doesn't know that at all, and Marianne wants to shout, to tell him to stop, he's her friend (is he? all she's been doing is teaching him, that hardly constitutes a friendship--), and she just wants to keep him safe. His statement might leave no room for argument, but she has to try--

And then he asks the damned question, and Marianne tries to pick them up even faster because she feels humiliated.]

Please, don't ask that. They're for someone they shouldn't be for...

[Marianne keeps her back turned to him, but she finishes picking up the petals and tries to catch her breath. She loves Hubert too much to let him even fathom who these could be for.]

I don't want to hurt them.

[Someone they shouldn't be for. Someone from her old house, perhaps. Someone above her station, maybe. Someone she doesn't believe will ever love her in return.

It only makes the irritation boil more - whoever it is they'd be damn lucky to have Marianne.]

I see. I won't ask again.

[She won't tell him, and trying to threaten it out of her will only make it worse.]

What do you plan to do about it?

[It's not quite the question he wants to ask, but it's a good enough start.]

[...It kind of defeats the purpose of not asking again if you bring up the subject in the same damn breath, Hubert...

Marianne sighs, defeated.]

...Nothing.

[It's a simple answer that doesn't betray a thing. Marianne's memories of Hubert are precious, after all; far too precious to remove. And she won't remove them. Maybe it was silly to think that her feelings would even have a chance, in comparison to Edelgard. She's such a lovely, headstrong woman; she's what Hubert deserves.]

I...don't want to get rid of my memories of them. But I can't say anything to them, either. So...

[He meant about the person!! Of course he's gonna keep asking about it!!]

You'd let yourself die?

[His one visible eye narrows at that. He doesn't like it. That's probably obvious in his tone of voice, the harshness behind the words, the way his hands tighten on the sleeves on his uniform where he has his arms crossed.]

Don't be stupid. If they're feelings you can't act on, then remove them. You can't die to this.

[I won't let you but that's... That's not something he can say. He can't let her know, not when she's pining for someone she can't have. That's entirely too much to put on her.

It'll be fine, he tries to tell himself. He'll convince her to have those feelings removed, to remain safe. And once she's cured, he'll do the same.

He tries to ignore how the thought makes him ache.]

[Why are you like this Hubert!!]

I don't want to forget him.

[That comes out surprisingly harsh, and when Marianne turns back around to face Hubert, she's shaking. She can hear the animals starting to get a little distressed, and the near glare on her face abates, only slightly.

...And then she realizes what she's said, and she feels her face start to heat--]

...I'm sorry, Hubert, I--I said too much. I should...

[...She doesn't make to move, even if she's definitely trying to say that she should go, but her grip tightens on the petals in her hand and she looks away, ashamed.]

[Her words don't make him flinch, but his expression is openly surprised for a moment before he controls it. She loves him so much she'd die before forgetting... It's painful, if he's perfectly honest with himself. He doesn't want her to die. He doesn't want her to feel this strongly toward anyone else either.

Jealousy is an ugly, unnecessary emotion. It's not as though he's never felt it, but it's particularly disgusting now.

He wants to stop her, he wants to tell her that she needs to do something about this, that she can't die, but...

He doesn't know what to say to her. That's what it comes down to. He doesn't know how to stop her or help her or do anything for her and the anger turns inward.]

My apologies. I hadn't realized this was so... [important to you] ...difficult for you.

Even so, I must ask you to consider finding a solution. It would be a shame if we... [lost you]

I don't wish to see anything happen to you, Marianne.

[Is that a safe answer? He doesn't stumble over the words, but his gaze does dart as he says it. It's not nearly open or honest enough for her to assume anything, right? It should be fine.]

[Marianne's look goes back to Hubert when he speaks up again, and the words are...

She's surprised by the...well, Hubert's never been particularly gentle in his life, but his words seem comparatively smaller than he usually is. Maybe she's reading too much into it, but the way he amends his words, how he's asking her to find a solution, how he doesn't want to see anything happen to her...

...]

...It's okay.

[Marianne's words are a little softer. She's never seen him like this, and it's...strange, in a way she's not sure about. In a way that worries her. She winds up walking forward a bit, nearer to him.]

I'm sorry. I...made you uncomfortable, didn't I. [Marianne fidgets a bit with one of her sleeves, with her unoccupied hand.] I shouldn't have said that. It's just...um...

[...]

He has that problem too. With the disease. [Marianne looks away again.] I'm worried that if I say something, it might ruin his chances with the one he truly loves.

But...he's been very nice to me. So I don't want to forget him, either. [...] I don't know what to do.

[This is the most she's...really talked all at once, isn't it. It's awkward--Marianne is always awkward, but she's not an expressive person. And yet...she at least wants to try to explain to him the situation.

(Maybe it'll give her the strength to try to confess.)]

[He doesn't move to get any closer, but he doesn't have any problems with her being this close either. He listens to her without interrupting. And when she's done, he thinks he understands, at least a bit better.

Of course, his immediate thought is to run over everyone in the academy to try to remember which of them could have the disease and who could possibly be hiding it. It's likely she's taken with someone from the Golden Deer... Lorenz is entirely too stupid to keep his mouth shut, so it can't be him. Claude? Claude. Probably. He makes the most sense. If someone were to be hiding their condition, it would be him.

After all, he can't come up with anyone else who is openly displaying symptoms right now.]

I see. I... can see where that would be very difficult.

[The hesitation is... certainly something, isn't it. He tries to recover from it.]

Are you certain he doesn't feel that way for you?

[It's not a pointed question at all, it's just curious. He doesn't know Claude as a person very well - or at all, really. He has no idea who Claude could be interested in, but why wouldn't it be Marianne? She's a gentle, kind girl who has trouble expressing herself, but she always looks out for those around her and cares so deeply...

Ah. He really does need to stop thinking like that...]

[...

That is a good question, now isn't it. Marianne fidgets a bit more, considering her options. Hubert didn't even catch on, so it's likely he really is already occupied Edelgard. But then again, she's not exactly being direct...]

I've been, um, too afraid to ask. He's...someone I consider a friend--but I don't want to get too close.

[Obviously, due to the whole misfortune thing.]

He...he really clearly cares for someone else, too. I don't...um...want to ruin that. Or our friendship.

[...Marianne curses herself for that. That's too obvious, isn't it?]

[marianne honey this man would probably require a brick to the face to get it.]

I see.

[...Is she friends with Claude? They were in the same house so probably? But they don't really spend much time together now, do they? He hasn't noticed anything like that... Marianne usually spends time with Hilda or Dorothea...]

I can understand why you wouldn't want to risk that. But isn't taking that risk better than letting yourself die?

[He doesn't want to push her into confessing, for quite a few reasons. Marianne isn't the sort to be that forceful, and she would probably prefer to remain passive. She might have a hard time doing that. And there's the jealousy, of course. He hates the idea of her confessing to Claude and the risk that comes with it. If she's rebuffed that's one thing (though how could anyone rebuff her?), but if Claude feels the same way...

It makes his stomach turn in knots.]

I...I...

[...Marianne doesn't know how to respond to that. She doesn't know if she could tell Hubert. She really doesn't, because if he rebuffs her, that's going to hurt more than anything else--]

...But what do I do if he doesn't like me back?

[She doesn't know if she can work up the gumption to try, but...

Maybe if she hears his advice, she can try.]

[...But what do I do if he doesn't like me back?

How should he know? He doesn't know how to deal with his own feelings, much less anyone else's. She's genuinely asking him for advice and he doesn't have any damn idea what to tell her. Perhaps he could figure something out, but Claude's perhaps the most infuriatingly difficult person to pin down in the entire monastery. He doesn't know what to say to her.

The petty, jealous part of him wants to leave. Find an excuse and ditch the conversation. But that's stupid, and beneath him. He's not going to do that to her. No matter how much it might infuriate him, he wants her to find what will make her happy. It would be nice to see Marianne smile, even if it isn't aimed at him.

What a stupid, sappy thought.]

I believe that's something the two of you will have to work out together. It may not be easy, but if he's someone you've truly grown to... care for in such a way, then surely he can't be that terrible of a person. I imagine he'd be willing to hear you out and try to help you.

[It's sort of a struggle to find the words he wants, and it is admittedly just speculation. But Claude doesn't seem like he's that horrible. He'd probably want to help Marianne even though she's no longer a member of his class. So that's... safe. It's a safe response. And if she does work up the courage for it, maybe everything will go well.

...For her, at least.]

[Marianne listens. She supposes that he is right; it is something that can only be decided between them, and them alone. Hubert isn't such a terrible person, so maybe...

I imagine he'd be willing to hear you out and try to help you.

Marianne feels herself smile--it's a small one, but...it's there, and she looks at Hubert.]

...Okay. I...I think that you're right.

[...]

Um, Hubert...I...

[Marianne breathes a bit, trying to steady herself.]

...I have feelings for you. [...] I know you love Edelgard, so I don't want to get between that, but you've...become someone precious to me.

[There we go. This is the outcome he wanted, right? She goes off and tells Claude and doesn't die, and... well, who knows what will happen next. Claude will probably admit he has feelings for her too and they'll be happy and that's that.

He doesn't turn to leave even once he's gotten her agreement, though. He can't bring himself to. So when she speaks up again, he's assuming that she'll tell him she can handle the horses on her own, or that she needs to leave or something.

Instead, he gets the absolute last thing he was ever expecting.]

I... Wait. You were talking about me?

[.........................

Wait. What.]

I thought you were— This isn't about Claude?

[oh my god give him a moment for his brain to catch up]

[...

Um.

Okay, of all of the things Marianne was expecting, this? This was not one of them. She winds up dropping the petals in her shock, mouth agape for a moment--]

No? Claude is... [a bit much. ...No, let's not dunk on her former house leader today.] I wasn't talking about him at all.

[...]

I thought I was being too obvious.

[Marianne thought he'd get it???]

I... see.

[NO HE THE FUCK DOES NOT]

You have my apologies for not realizing sooner, I didn't think...

[???????????????]

I... never would have thought you were talking about me.

[????????????????????????????????????????]

Ah, that's not to say—

[Okay, okay, hang on, he can't stand here and stare blankly forever, she's going to get the wrong idea and run away and that'll probably make the petals worse. He's still sort of staring with an expression that's somewhere between completely baffled and openly concerned (because how could he miss something like that) but he's trying to get himself under control quickly so she doesn't get the wrong impression.]

I'm surprised by it, but I'm not upset, Marianne. It's... quite the opposite, really. I'm afraid you've mistaken my devotion to Lady Edelgard as... something else. It's a common problem.

[He could try to explain that he does love Lady Edelgard, but it's easiest just to skip the explanation and jump straight to the point.

The point.

Which is a bit hard to articulate.

Oh come on, now is not the time to freeze up—]

I've grown very fond of you during our time together and I... [come on] The ah... The flower petals are still fairly new and it's been a bit... difficult to examine my emotions and determine how to proceed. [almost there] I hadn't thought things would turn out like this. As I said, I was under the impression that you were interested in... [claude???] ...someone else.

[Okay. Okay, so far so good. Explanation's done, time to just say it. There's nothing to be afraid of anymore.]

...These petals were never for Lady Edelgard. They were for you.

[He manages the words surprisingly easily, but he's starting to turn pink and can't look at Marianne anymore.]

[As Marianne listens to him, she's all too certain that he's finding the gentlest way to rebuff her. Maybe she really had read everything right in the first place, but it was...sweet, really, that he was going out of his way to at least be kind to her in rejection. Sure, it wasn't going to make these feelings any less painful to deal with--and she imagined that even he was going to insist that she get them removed, even if she would lose her memories of him. Maybe it would be for the best, but--

Before she can say anything, before she can try to run, he finally speaks up and she's not sure how to respond.]

I-I've mistaken them...?

[That comes out softly while he pauses, and she's...not sure how to feel. He doesn't love her? How could he not? She's such a strong woman, incredibly talented and gifted, and she's the sort of woman who he should be focusing his attention on.

But then he starts articulating his feelings, and Marianne isn't sure what to think. What to feel, really, because even if this is...well, undoubtedly a good thing, she's only putting him in danger by doing this. It's even more obvious now that she shouldn't have said anything, and there's no mistaking the slightly stressed look on Marianne's face.]

They were...for me?

[Marianne has to force those words out, and she can't even look at Hubert's blushing (cute) face.]

I...I don't know what to say. I'm glad that you share these feelings, but...

[Those doubts creep back into her, and she's looking toward the exit like she wants to make a break for it, not because she's scared, but because she's--]

...I still don't know if it's a good idea to properly pursue anything.

[It's simple, but she's sure he knows the reason why. She hasn't properly explained it, but maybe it will be easier now.]

Edited (nah let's go with this instead) 2019-09-16 16:58 (UTC)

[It's nerve-wracking and embarrassing to open himself up like that, though it is necessary. He had promised himself he'd take care of this problem before it got too bad - he wouldn't want Lady Edelgard to worry about him, after all - but he hadn't anticipated things going in this direction. He never would have guessed that Marianne could be harboring feelings for him.

But now that it's out there, it's almost freeing, in a way. By tomorrow the petals will have all faded, right? He told her the truth, admitted his feelings, and she did the same. They should both be safe now. Even if...

Well, even if she doesn't want to pursue anything.

It brings a sinking sensation when he realizes that's where she's going with the words. Before he can stop himself, he steps forward to close the distance between them. He doesn't reach out to touch, but he easily could if she tries to make a run for it.

If she runs, they'll never address this again. He knows that.]

What do you think will happen if we do?

[It still isn't gentle - nothing about him is - but it's a curious question, designed to get her to talk. He understands that she's terrified of the the bad luck that supposedly falls the people around her, but it's difficult to know how serious all this is and whether it's an overreaction or something else entirely.]

[Marianne pauses a bit, mulling over her options. Well, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to tell him about this--she trusts him, and he does keep asking. Maybe he'll understand the gravity of the situation if she actually admits it. Her father might be a little angry, if this ever comes up, but...

Well, that, and her father wants to marry into powerful nobility. Politically speaking, pursuing something with Hubert might not be a bad thing; it wouldn't be much of a step up, but considering how close Hubert is to Edelgard, maybe she could spin it in a way that ensures he'll approve. But she loves him too much to make that kind of talk...

He steps closer and Marianne jumps a bit, but she settles easily. Hubert is still intimidating, but there's something about the way he's talking to her that's...not terrible, at any rate.

Marianne's voice is hushed when she speaks up.]

I'm worried that you would get hurt, because of me. It's...something my father told me to never speak of. He...

[Perhaps it's a mistake, but she does trust him.]

...He paid the church to never look into my crest. Because all it's done is bring my family misfortune.

Edited 2019-09-16 20:28 (UTC)

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