sranks | we are the cursed we came from fire and ice

Keep praising me like that and I'll assume you're trying to get me to lower my guard.

[oh my god??? who raised you, you horrible little shitchild??? rodrigue was surely not this bad???]

I suppose I can admit that I've enjoyed our matches. You push me to better myself, which is more than I can say for most of my classmates.

[Note that he doesn't sound irritated or upset by that, just really, really done.]

[--Hey! That's rude???]

You and I both know that wouldn't work.

[let her praise in peace you shitchild!!

...That last bit piques her curiosity despite her initial annoyance so you know what, she's content to let that go. She doesn't know much about the Blue Lions, so...]

Oh my, that's a shame. Some of them seem like they would be very worthy combatants...are they simply not enough of a challenge?

No, it's not that. When they do fight, they fight with all they've got. It's just that most of them are more interested in other things.

[Chivalry. Food. Girls. Gardening. Baking. Studying. Being a horrible boar. You know, the usual.]

They also see sparring as training and sometimes they don't put their all into it. Sylvain's especially bad about that... assuming you can even get him anywhere near the training grounds in the first place.

[He sighs, disgruntled. Why does he put up with Sylvain!!!]

Ah, so that's it, then.

[That at least makes sense to Camilla. Not everyone wants to dedicate their whole lives to fighting; some people actually have others goals outside of kicking everyone's ass.

sounds fake, i know]

I suppose I can understand that. [Camilla takes another bite of food while she contemplates that. Her tone isn't quite full of praise when she speaks up again, though, more contemplative than anything.] Your dedication to it is quite astounding, and clearly laser focused on getting better.

[...]

Why do you focus solely on that? Is it something you feel you must do, for the future?

[It's a question, with a little more of a focus on the solely aspect to it. She hasn't ever asked him about stuff with House Fraldarius; maybe they're just a house where the weak fail and strong prevail or something. It certainly seems weird that the son of a duke would focus so much on that, and not how to run his dukedom...]

[He takes another bite, looking down at his food instead of at Camilla.]

The strong survive. That's all there is to it.

[And that's... really not explaining anything at all, is it. Were it anyone else asking, he'd leave it at that. He's tempted to leave it at that anyway, because he doesn't want to get into it. He doesn't want her pity or sympathy or anything, and he doesn't really know how to explain his mindset anyway.

But eventually he looks back up at her before glancing away with a frown.]

...My brother died defending the king and the prince, four years ago. He was the strongest person I knew. So I work to become stronger than he was, to... prove myself, I suppose.

[There's more to it than that. There's so much more, but admitting any of it would make him sound weak. He wants to protect the people he cares about, he wants to prove that he is strong, he wants to be able to stand outside of Glenn's shadow. It's complicated and frustrating and just thinking about it makes him ache in a way he's grown to loathe so much over the years.]

Don't be mistaken. I'm not working to become a better knight. I work this hard for myself, and no one else.

[He sounds disgusted with the idea, honestly.]

You're focused on getting stronger to protect your lord?

[It's an invitation to talk about herself, and one he hopes she'll take. He doesn't want to think about his own reasons anymore.]

[Camilla listens, surprisingly attentive. She does everything she can to not look pitying or sympathetic, just...softening her gaze some and focusing on her own food while he speaks, trying not to look too surprised. She imagines that he doesn't need her staring at him, not after telling her about that sort of ordeal.

She's just surprised he'd tell her, of all people.

Maybe they really are friends.]

...I see. I held no illusions about such things in the first place, so I shall not be mistaken. You can be assured of that, Felix.

[The words are gentle even if they're not what she should say, and Camilla does wince a tiny bit, but her eyes slide close as if to give Felix some privacy. It's tragic, really, and the wounds are still fresh on his mind, it seems. As much as she wants to console him, that won't help matters any.

She'll simply help make him as strong as he can be.]

Yes, actually.

[Camilla looks back up at that, her expression perhaps surprisingly normal.]

I have been Lord Lorenz's retainer since I was young. Everything I have learned has been to better serve him, and combat is no exception. I am expected to be able to defend my lord at a moment's notice, and to fell any who stand in his way. That is why I must be strong, at all costs; every bit of strength I gain is all the better to protect him with.

[Camilla's look goes down, though, her expression almost...soft, really.]

...I suppose that is not the only reason. My lord has encouraged me, while I am here, to pursue what I wish to as well. And simply put, I enjoy fighting. I find nothing more exciting than clashing with another, and seeing just what sort of strength they employ...

It's the first time I've really done something for myself. [...] Ever, truly. It's very nice; I am glad that my lord has granted me such an opportunity.

[It's a weirdly difficult admission, spoken softly, but it is pretty genuine on Camilla's part.]

[Thankfully, Camilla leaves it at that. He doesn't catch the look in her eyes since he's not all that fond of eye contact anyway, but he nods curtly as she moves on.

He does look back in her direction as she speaks, listening to all of that without much of a change in his expression. He doesn't look nearly as irritated now, however.]

I can't say I understand wanting to serve a lord like that. [It's not exactly the truth, but he buries any thoughts he might have once had about a certain boar.] But it's not a bad reason to want to better yourself. As long as you don't go getting any stupid ideas about an honorable death, anyway.

[He doesn't leave those words out there for too long, though, since there is something else to address.]

Your lord doesn't sound like he's all that bad a person, if he's encouraging you to pursue your own interests. I know plenty of nobles who'd use you as a shield, nothing more.

[Admittedly he doesn't know much about Lorenz aside from "Sylvain occasionally gets real mad at him" but whatever, there has to be some truth to what Camilla's saying.]

Find more time to discover what you like and don't. Pursue your passions. Don't spend everything you have on someone else. [A small huff.] You're a person too, don't forget that.

[Camilla does wind up looking back up when Felix speaks, and she supposes she can understand. Especially now that she knows about his brother; he'd never want to dedicate himself to something that took someone so precious to him.]

I wouldn't dream of it.

[That's quick and almost noncommittal, but it's a promise, in a sense. Camilla doesn't intend to die, after all.]

Oh, believe me, I've known plenty of those types in my life...my lord could never become one of those. He despises those types of nobles greatly, and he would never stoop so low.

[Camilla's prideful as she says that, but she lets it simmer down at the end of it. Because that's...

...That's actually sweet, what the fuck. Camilla's look is openly surprised for a moment, perhaps even a tiny bit pink, before she finds herself turning away almost entirely, chuckling a bit and hiding it behind her hand.]

I intend to. You don't need to worry about that; it's something I'm taking the time to discover here, but...it is good to have the reminder, every now and again. I shall pursue them gladly, and without restraint.

[...]

I do appreciate that, you know.

[It's kind of you she wants to say, but she knows he doesn't like that. Camilla is composed when she turns back to him, nearly finished with her own food, but it is nice.]

Yeah. Don't go reading too much into it. I just figured you could use the reminder, since you're so devoted to him.

[He releases a breath, it sounds a bit frustrated.]

And don't even think about repeating any of that to anyone.

[he is not kind???????? do not let anyone get the wrong idea!!!!!]

[cute tsun........]

Of course, Felix. It is a well needed reminder.

[Camilla gently puts a finger in front of her lips, in a shhing motion.]

And worry not; your secret is very safe with me. You may count on that.

[she'll keep the secret of his kindness, don't worry!!]

Tch, I told you not to make a big deal of it...

[He doesn't sound nearly as annoyed as he probably should, though.]

Whatever. Hurry up and heal so we can spar again.

[He'll move to stand then, stretching a bit.]

I should probably make sure Sylvain hasn't gotten into any more trouble. Thanks again for the food.

[And with that, he'll turn to leave, because Felix is exactly that blunt.]

we are the cursed we came from fire and ice

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