sranks | we are the cursed we came from fire and ice

[He joins her at the table, though the food doesn't receive any reaction from him. He's very fond of Daphnel Stew, and he recognizes it on sight, of course. He just... doesn't really feel like eating right now.

Still, he does so anyway, keeping his eyes focused on that and only pausing when Camilla speaks up again.]

I... have been better.

[It's honest, but not nearly as open as he usually is with her. Camilla's likely already noticed by now that Lorenz's desk is absolutely covered in paper - some have writing on them, some are crumpled, and among them are some empty inkwells and broken quills. He's been doing something with himself, at least, but even the mountains of books carefully piled up on the desk can't quite compare to all that paper.

He's not sure he wants to talk about it. He's not sure he wants to ignore it. He hesitates for a long moment before returning to the stew.

When he does finally manage to speak, it's back to the prim and proper voice it should be, though his eyes don't meet hers.]

You needn't worry about me. Today was a bit... alarming, but I shall recover just fine.

[...This day really has been hitting him hard, hasn't it. Camilla observes him with the same scrutiny she would observe others with; she has certainly noticed that pile of paper on his desk, and the way he's closed himself off almost entirely. It's all too quick before he's back to being prim and proper as normal.

He's worse at this than she is. It's something Camilla hates to think, but the thought is there and there is a faint pang of pain at seeing him like this. It's awakening those sisterly instincts, really, but she refrains from going too far.]

...I know you will recover, and recover with grace. You are an incredibly strong young man, who bears the weight of an entire House on his shoulders...

But my ears are open to you, you know. Just as you have opened your own to mine in the past.

[...]

I can't help but notice that you have been hard at work, Lord Lorenz...if it is not too personal, what have you been doing?

[His eyes remain downcast as she speaks and while he doesn't have much of a reaction to her words (his gaze darts away and he shifts a bit) he does look up at her with the question.]

...I thought it might be prudent to write to father.

[Not about the daily events at the monastery, and not about what he's seen of Claude either. His letters to his father usually do take a few attempts to get right, but this is a lot more wasted paper than usual.]

Truthfully, I'm not sure I know what to write. I want to ask him about what we heard today, but I must confess I find myself... worried about the response I might get.

[He takes a sip of tea to keep his hands busy for a moment as he tries to figure out how to put it into words.]

...I do not like the idea of him lying to me and pretending that none of this happened, or sweeping it under a rug and distracting me, but I think... I think I fear hearing the truth from him even more.

[It's softer, certainly more hesitant and more unsure than the rest of what he's said.]

[...Ah. That makes sense. Camilla keeps watching over him, listening to him as he airs his anxieties to her; she knows well that he writes his father quite often, but this...this is different, really.

It's a bit improper, certainly, but Camilla rests one of her elbows on the table and places her chin above her raised hand as she listens. Mulls it over in her head, her expression gentle and betraying nothing.]

...It sounds as if this whole situation has been nothing short of horrifying for you. And understandably so, at that. To hear that His Grace could have possibly done something so horrifying must be devastating, and the thought of confronting this...

[Camilla's voice is soft. Consoling, in a way, though she does everything she can to temper it somewhat.]

I hardly believe that he would be capable of such outright malice. [She imagines it's much the same for Lorenz.] The best case scenario is that he presents, beyond the shadow of a doubt, proof that he has no involvement in such things...

[And the worst...well, Lorenz already laid that out.]

...Are you afraid of how this might paint House Gloucester? [...] Or...how I might paint you?

[His eyes linger on the teacup, but he can't bring himself to drink anymore. It is unbecoming of a noble to fidget, but he ends up messing with the hems of his sleeves anyway. It isn't as though there's anything off about them - as always, they're perfectly maintained; as though either of them would allow anything to happen to them? - but he needs to give his fingers something to do, which is partially why he resorted to writing in the first place.

Her questions are certainly troublesome to think about, but after a moment he shakes his head.]

No. I will admit that those are difficult to consider, but that isn't my primary concern. It is perhaps childish, but I... do not want to see my father as that sort of man. We do not always agree on everything, but I had assumed our definition of "nobility" and what it means to be a noble were fairly close.

There are lines that should not - cannot - be crossed. If what we've heard is true, then my father has repeatedly stepped over those lines and used his power and influence in ways a noble never should.

[...]

I... don't know if I could ever forgive him, if this is true.

[And perhaps that's the most terrifying thought of all.]

[It's at this point that Camilla realizes that her first instinct would be to kill His Grace for Lord Lorenz. It would be entirely too easy to set up the murder, to poison him, to make the kill as quick or as slow as she wanted, to perhaps even bludgeon him to death if she really wanted to.

It disgusts her how natural those thoughts feel in her head--all because this reminds her far too much of the skullduggery her own father is a part of, and she wants nothing more than to make things right for Lorenz the only way she knows how.

Which is murder.

...Camilla is so, so very glad she's good at hiding her expression at this point, though there's definitely something slightly conflicted going on. Camilla winds up straightening her back, removing her hand from under her chin and placing it on the table. Much like he did when she was having a breakdown.

She can't just hug him and tell him it'll be okay, like she did with her siblings. But maybe...just maybe, he'll be okay with this too. It'd help with the fidgeting.]

That is understandable, my lord. His Grace is your family, and you have always looked up to him. You have always stressed looking out for the common folk as well, so the idea that he could possibly do something like this...it is more than worthy of disgust. Of outrage, even.

[Camilla doesn't actually know how to finish that, but she tries to go on despite it.]

If he truly did this--and I stress if--then you would be more than within your right to never forgive him for what he has done. For how he's used the common folk to fuel his own purposes.

But I know you adore him so very much. He is your family, and you do value him so very highly. It would be like losing a part of yourself, wouldn't it?

[Camilla's hand rests on the table and he blinks in surprise. It takes him a moment, looking from her hand to her face and back again, but he understands what she's getting at. He did the same for her, and he always will. If Camilla needs assistance, he will always offer her a hand.

So he takes her hand gratefully, like a lifeline.]

It would, I think. Much of my behavior was modeled on what I saw in my father. The ideas of what nobility is and how they should behave... almost all of that came from my father. He's always been adamant about such things. Perhaps a bit too strict, a bit too rigid in his beliefs, but...

[But he never would have thought this would be possible. They say you're blinded to the flaws of the people closest to you, but he had thought he was doing a good job finding his own path and differing himself from his father.

What if he isn't as different as he thought?]

I know I cannot turn a blind eye to the possibility. I cannot possibly pretend I heard nothing of that conversation and assume the best. It would be unforgivable for me to overlook what happened if my father truly was at fault for all of that. If he isn't, then... Well, I would like everyone to know the truth of those affairs. Such rumors could harm House Gloucester's reputation.

[He doesn't sound as convinced about the latter half of that. It's a nice thought, but he doesn't dare consider it too thoroughly. If that isn't the case, and his father really is responsible for all of that...

It's a lot to sort through, and his grip tightens on Camilla's hand.]

[Camilla smiles ever so slightly when he takes her hand, and she clutches it gently. He's holding on for dear life, and she's not going to let go until he's ready or he tells her to.

It's painful to hear all of this coming from him, and yet he's trying to keep such a brave face...]

You're so brave to even attempt confront this at all, my lord.

[Camilla's tone is soft, almost reverent when she says that much.]

You haven't simply decided to stick your head in the ground and pretend none of this has ever happened. You haven't decided to pretend that everything is fine, that none of this has happened. It's a harder road to take, certainly, and you have eschewed it to try to face your father and the rumors surrounding him. Whether or not it proves true, the fact that you are willing to confront this--to confront him on his gross misuse of power, or to ensure that your family name is not besmirched due to false rumors--is proof of your own strength.

He may have taught you all you know. He may have influenced your very thinking, and the way you look at the world, but... [Camilla's mind goes back to Raphael's words, those words she had been confused by until he clarified them.] You are not him. You are yourself, Lord Lorenz, and...I do believe Raphael was right in saying such a thing. He was quite worried about how you were taking this, you know.

[Camilla sounds surprisingly determined.]

[Brave... That seems like a strange way to put it. As far as Lorenz is concerned, this is the only way to confront it. There's no bravery involved. It is his duty both as a noble and heir to House Gloucester to sort this out and determine how best to proceed from here. It terrifies him, but it's a direction and he is not one to wallow when he could be moving forward.

He looks up startled at the last of her words, though. For a brief moment his expression is open - confused, surprised, perhaps even stunned - before he quickly pulls himself together.]

Raphael said that? Oh dear. I was so wrapped up in my own concerns that I didn't stop to think about anyone else. I can only imagine today was very difficult for him as well. At the very least I owe him an apology for worrying him.

[Hopefully he didn't worry the others too much... Though now that he thinks about it, he owes Claude of all damn people an apology. Lorenz winces.]

It was not my intention to disregard our classmates' concerns. A noble should be able to handle such things better!

[At least that isn't self-deprecating; it's more like he's firing himself up. Sure, it's kind of a weird way to do it, but look are Lorenz. What were you expecting.]

I, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, shall get to the bottom of this and determine exactly what course of action to take from here. But first, I need to locate them and apologize!

[...But he doesn't wanna apologize to Claude...]

[listen. she's had to deal with xander von "literal human ostritch" krakenburg. except that the hole he's shoving his head into to avoid his problems is his ass.

you're doing much better than he is

...But in all seriousness, Camilla's expression goes slightly exasperated for a moment before she winds up shaking her head.]

You're as bad as I am in that regard...

[That much is said softly, because by the goddess that's a hell of a deflection, boy. Maybe there is some truth in what that Hevring boy was trying to yammer on about...

Of course, the deflection is one that Camilla will obviously allow, but even she seems determined in kind. He's firing himself up in a way she was hoping for, and Camilla is even more proud of him at this point.]

I'm certain that he'll appreciate that, along with knowing that you are fine, my lord. If you need me to, I can attempt to gather them all together so that you may apologize.

[Camilla smiles easily at that, though. She sincerely hopes he rests, honestly........]

But I know you will get to the bottom of this. And whatever may come, and whatever course of action you take...I will support you wholeheartedly in such an endeavor. I swear on my life.

[...]

I do wish to ensure that you are fine first, however.

[She wants to make sure he is before they move towards any sort of plans, okay. She's worried.]

[okay very fair...]

Oh no, I would prefer to speak with them all individually!

[...Because Claude will absolutely interrupt him and ruin everything, so it'll be easier to limit that to just his apology to Claude. But also he'd prefer to personalize them, so!]

Thank you, Camilla. You are always a stalwart supporter, ever by my side for anything I need. Truly, I do not know what I would do without you.

[He squeezes her hand again lightly before pulling back and settling. He is looking a lot better and more determined now that he's mostly worked himself out.]

I feel fine. All of this is a bit much, but it would be unbecoming for me to get lost in my own problems and ignore the people around me. I will endeavor to do what I can to make up for that oversight, and to thank our classmates for the assistance in battle today!

Of course, my lord. I'm certain that they will all appreciate that.

[Claude would so ruin fucking everything, and honestly, she's tempted to go with him as backup so she can sock Claude if he tries to interrupt...that might not be proper, but listen. Let Her Fight Him.

Camilla pulls her hand back when he does as well, gently bowing in her chair before looking back to him.]

It's no trouble. I am always here for you, first and foremost. Anything you would ever ask of me would be yours in a heartbeat; you can rest assured. And if that is to assist you in helping those around you and ensuring that you make up for such an oversight...I will do so gladly.

[...]

But please...do try not to ignore your own problems. [Camilla's tone is perhaps surprisingly firm, though it is still gentle as hell.] Unbecoming as you may feel it is, you have taught me that letting problems fester underneath the surface is a hideous way to go about one's life. Make up for the oversight as much as you can, but I do hope that you will simply not turn it in the other direction and turn yourself into one...

[...is that a pout on Camilla's face?? That might be a pout. Come on man, we just got done talking about hypocrisy......]

[He nods at her words, at least until her tone grows more serious. It takes him a moment to realize where she's going with that, and his look quickly turns alarmed.]

Ah... Oh no, that was not my intention at all, Camilla. I understand where it may look like that, but that was not...

[He fumbles with words for a moment before he rests a hand on his chest and bows from where he's sitting.]

You have my thanks for reminding me. I promise I will not allow anything to fester beneath the surface like that. I would never wish for you to worry about me any more than you already do! I can assure you that I have no intention of turning this inward. I will work to keep moving forward and along the way I'm certain I will continue to find my footing.

And if, for whatever reason, I slip... I know you will catch me before I fall.

[The smile he gives her is confident and assured; he whole-heartedly believes that.]

[Camilla does listen a bit, seeming satisfied with the answer. Lord Lorenz has always been good at that; she simply wanted to make sure that he wasn't about to do the same thing she had been chided for in the past, but he's a lot more secure than she is. In a lot of ways, really.

It's almost enviable.]

My worry will always be with you, but...that is wonderful to hear, my lord.

[It's gentle and joking, the way she says that.]

I have always found that strength of yours something to aspire to, really. I suppose I was simply worried that something like this would shake you far too much... [Camilla sounds confident, though, and shakes her head briefly.] ...But you have always stood tall in the face of anything, and this is no exception. I know you will continue to excel, to rise beyond this, and to do whatever must be done.

And if you should slip, I will always catch you. On my life, I swear this to you. I will do everything to keep you safe, no matter what may come in this place, or anywhere else.

[...]

If something should come of this...if something should happen, at all... [Camilla's tone is a lot firmer.] ...Know that my loyalty is to you, Lord Lorenz, first and foremost. If you must rebuild House Gloucester yourself, I will assist you in laying each brick of the new foundation. If these rumors are untrue and must be dispelled, I shall do all I am able to dissuade anyone from such thoughts. This, too, I swear on my life.

[Strength, huh...? It sounds so strange to hear her say it like that. It doesn't feel like strength. He's doing what he must, because there isn't any other option that suits him. Is that strength? Well, he appreciates her words, regardless.

It's the second part that gets him to settle a bit, and when she's done, he nods.]

I know, Camilla.

[And he does. He's known for quite some time that Camilla's loyalty is with him, not House Gloucester. In truth, he's not sure how he already knew, or when he had worked that out, but he knows and he isn't surprised by her words.]

It is my hope that such drastic measures will not be necessary, that this is simply a misunderstanding or that the situation has been misconstrued somehow. I want to believe that my father could never do something so cruel and callous.

But I cannot ignore the possibility that this is true, and should that be the case... I will do what I can, both for House Gloucester and the people under our rule. There may be no way to make up for what was already done, but I will certainly ensure that nothing of the sort can happen again. Nobles exist to guide the commoners; to use them in such a way is inexcusable.

[Despite how daunting the task seems, his words are firm and full of conviction. He's certainly still learning, but he's found what he believes in and if that puts him at odds with his father, then so be it.]

Of course, my lord. I truly hope that is this a simple misunderstanding as well. After all of the troubles we have gone through here in the past few months, I would hope that at least this one would have some reprieve in it...

[Seriously, we've had a rough last couple of months? Goddess above, let us have a break.

Of course, Camilla pauses a bit after saying that, something coming to mind as her face...well, saddens somewhat, but...]

My lord. [Her voice at least attempts to be firm.] If disciplinary actions should be required against your father...would you let me handle such actions?

[Camilla doesn't know what Lord Lorenz's final judgement will be, but he loves his father. If the situation should arise, he shouldn't get his hands filthy when justice will need to be cast.]

[Lorenz glances away at that, frowning.]

Ideally, such a thing wouldn't fall to either of us. Should this be true, the proper actions would need to be taken by the rest of the Alliance. Punishment would be handled by them, but...

[He isn't naive. He knows that sometimes things don't go as planned, and if true, this corruption could go even deeper than just House Gloucester. They may be unable to - or resistant to - trying and punishing his father's actions. If that is the case...]

Please, allow me to think on it. It is a bit too soon for me to make any certain decisions just yet. I... need to hear from him before I decide how to proceed. I know what must be done for both House Gloucester and the people we lead, but...

Permit me to hold off on that decision for now.

[He would never dare dream of letting his father get away with something like this, if all of this is true. But the idea of the actual punishment, the cold and harsh reality of death... it isn't something he can face right now.]

[Who cares what the rest of the Alliance should think? If he's guilty, he should be put to death. Maybe he'd serve as an example to the corrupt nobility everywhere, that they aren't tolerated and deserve to rot.

...

Or maybe Camilla could stop projecting her issues with her own father onto this situation, or stop trying to protect Lorenz from something that's unlikely to actually happen. But you know. Same difference, right?]

Of course, my lord. Do permit me to apologize for putting undue pressure on you.

[Camilla's face doesn't betray a single thing, but if Lord Lorenz doesn't kill him...well. Camilla certainly can.]

At any rate, I certainly hope that the rest of this month comes and goes quietly...are you excited for the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, my lord?

[Let's shift the subject!!]

[Bless you, Camilla, you always know exactly what he needs...]

Yes, I am! I have heard a great many things about... such battles in the past!

[His father took part in one while he was here; his class won. But that's a little awkward to talk about right now, so he moves on quickly enough.]

I certainly hope we can bring our house victory! With your strength and the skills our classmates have attained, I do believe our chances are high. I suppose it does depend in part on Claude's tactics, though...

[Unless the teachers are involved?? But hahaha that's totally not happening, right...]

[Camilla chuckles a bit, trying to move past the awkward air a bit. Let's focus on the actual fun shit and not reminders of family!!]

I like to think that even Claude will want to win this, you know--I'm reasonably certain that his tactics will at least be adequate...

[...]

So long as he gets rid of any illusions of using even mild poison in the battle.

[she has totally caught him messing with that shit, and she is gonna make sure this is nice and fair dammit she's seeking out felix and kicking his ass into the dirt okay, don't ruin her match!!]

But it should prove to be an exceedingly fun match. I look quite forward to crushing the other teams!

[because surely the teachers aren't involved! surely!!]

I suppose I may have to rein in his devious side...

[you know you keep making it your job to stop claude even though you don't need to??]

I am looking forward to it as well, however! I have gotten more confident in my spellcasting, though I do have to wonder how my talents match up against those from the other houses...

[can't wait for lorenz to get destroyed by all the better mages!!]

Do let me know if you need any assistance. He is certainly rambunctious...I certainly can't let you do this all by yourself.

[camilla can you question your lord's stupidity one of these days, that'd be great]

I do believe you'll be able to prove yourself superior to all of them, my lord. I'm certain that you'll be able to find a great many delightful matches...

[Camilla grins a bit.]

I'm looking forward to settling a few scores, myself. I do owe Felix a few lumps for our matches in the training grounds, and Caspar is certainly no slouch either...ah, and then there's Lord Hubert, but I imagine you would want to handle him, right?

[He laughs at that; her faith in him is just as overwhelming as always. It's really nice...]

I'm pleased to hear you're so excited about it! I'm sure you'll have fun taking them out!

[As for Hubert, well...]

I can't say I really wish to try going up against Hubert, however. I don't know much about dark magic - aside from what I've seen of Lysithea's - and if Lysithea is any indication, then I imagine he'll be quite a threat. It may be more prudent for someone to eliminate him with a weapon...

[He muses over it for a moment.]

Why the sudden interest in him, though?

[He doesn't ever recall seeing them talk... though he doesn't really recall Hubert talking with anyone since it seems like he's never around?? Unless he's hanging out just over Edelgard's shoulder, that is...]

Oh, I shall.

[Camilla chuckles a bit, but there's a brief moment of surprise at Lorenz's knowledge of Hubert's abilities. Dark magic, huh? An interesting adversary indeed, then...Camilla can't say she minds a bit of a challenge.

But then Lorenz asks that question and Camilla's mind wanders to the words that Hubert had spoken before--I imagine we'll see more of each other in the future--but what on earth did that man mean by that? Camilla's expression is a little contemplative, but she does answer.]

Oh, he and I have spoken once before...I wound him quite interesting, as a fellow devoted servant to his liege. That's all.

[Camilla smirks a bit.]

Do leave him to me, then. I'll take care of him swiftly.

[They've spoken, huh...? Well, if she didn't bring it up before then it probably wasn't anything significant, but he still finds it kind of strange... Hopefully it wasn't anything bad!!]

Of course, Camilla. I have no doubts that you will!

[That much is certainly true. His faith in Camilla is just as unshakable as her faith in him, after all.]

But do be careful not to overexert yourself! We must not get too excited or we may get reckless.

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