sranks | we are the cursed we came from fire and ice

[Oh, Lorenz...

Camilla knows this is difficult for him too. This is a lot to realize, and this is more than she should have ever told him.]

I know that it is. Truly, I do.

[...Ah, shoot, Camilla feels something prick at her eyes--let her just use her free hand to rub at them real quick and smooth that out. Camilla has never once cried over this, and she's sure as hell not going to start now.]

But I would like you to realize something. You have already done so much for me as it is. Do you understand that? [Camilla's look slowly starts to calm, and shifting back to that calm that he knows out of her--it isn't strained, it isn't even faked for the sake of her pride, but it is more focused on him. It certainly helps that he's already doing so much for her as it stands.] You listened to me, despite how horrifying the subject matter was. You encouraged me to continue onward, at my own pace. You believed me, and you have shown me understanding that I have never been given before by anyone. You have even promised that I will not be alone, and yet...you still believe you have not done enough?

Do forgive the boldness of such a statement, my lord, but that is utter balderdash. You do not give yourself nearly enough credit. [Camilla's other hand comes up, briefly patting her lord's hand that he has allowed her to clutch before withdrawing it. Her smile is gentle, and she looks to him warmly.] You have given me much in our time together, and now, you have given me the chance to confront this.

I will not hear a single word of the idea that you are not doing enough.

[Lorenz can't really say he's surprised when Camilla starts to settle a bit and promptly turns everything around on him. In some ways, it's frustrating, because she's the one in pain and she's the one who has had to suffer with this for so long, but he thinks he can see where she desperately wants things to go back to normal. Camilla is the sort of person who likes tending to others, and opening herself up definitely doesn't seem to be easy. Perhaps it's for the best if he allows her to settle like this instead of trying to dwell on it.

He ends up smiling, the expression perhaps a bit too open and honest. Even if he is slightly worried about her redirecting his attention, the words are nice...]

I didn't mean to downplay what I have already done for you. It would be terribly rude to dismiss your feelings like that. I'm pleased I've been able to help you as it is, I only wish I could do even more for you.

[Camilla is (as always) excellent at reassuring him, and equally excellent at setting his mind at ease. While it's true that he wasn't trying to downplay what he's done to help her, he hadn't realized just how much he's been doing for her. It's eye-opening, and perhaps a little humbling to hear it.]

Please feel free to come to me with anything, Camilla. I will always be here to listen and to try to help. I'm glad you're feeling a little better, though.

You aren't dismissive in the slightest. You have allowed me this chance to confront this entire situation, and I am ever so grateful.

[Honestly, she's not even realizing just how much she's trying to redirect here. Camilla feels like the situation is better now, and she's happy, isn't she? Surely everything is fine. Surely it is! She's happy, it's all fine!

...It's really telling, though, just how screwed up she is in this regard. But it doesn't show on Camilla's face, which is just as openly happy as his is. Really, it's adorable to see him so happy? It results in something impulsive on Camilla's part, improper, as she reaches over with her free hand and ruffles his hair a bit if he doesn't stop her. It's as if she's seeing someone else entirely when she does it (a sweet girl with black hair, a young and prideful boy with blonde hair, a tiny girl with blond ponytails, even an older boy with slightly curled blonde hair--), and yet...]

I shall, Lord Lorenz. You needn't worry about that. You have allowed me to do this much, after all, and my trust in you has only grown even more, if at all possible!

Edited (actually this works better) 2019-09-27 21:34 (UTC)

[He freezes under her hand, looking at her with wide eyes as he tries to figure out exactly what sort of reaction he should be having. The most obvious one is to pull away and most likely scold her for such over-familiar behavior, but given what she was just telling him, he really can't find it in him to do that. Camilla is - or was, at least - a big sister, and he has no doubts that she cared immensely for all her younger siblings. This sort of thing probably comes natural to her. She might not even recognize that it's him instead of one of her little siblings right now, and given everything she just told him, that wouldn't be all that surprising.

So for one panicked moment, he just sort of stares at her like he has no earthly clue how to handle the physical affection she's doling out. It's not as though he's never experienced anything like this - certainly not! But he's an adult now, and it would be improper for anyone to treat him like this.]

...Ah. Yes, of course.

[The words reflect the awkwardness well, and after a moment he ducks his head and scoots back a bit to free himself. The awkwardness has worked its way into a faint blush, but he's thankfully(?) still managing to retain eye contact.]

I'm very pleased I can continue to earn your trust, Camilla. That much is very important to me.

[Quick, he needs a topic to distract himself - both of them, preferably—]

Oh dear, I've completely forgotten our tea! It's gone cold now, hasn't it...

[rip tea, you did not deserve]

[...You know, it takes a couple of seconds for Camilla to realize what she just did.

Lorenz can likely see the gears turning in Camilla's head before her expression slowly pales, her hand withdrawing itself with haste after he ducks his head. She patted her lord's head, like he was some kind of child--like he was one of her siblings! What was she thinking?! That's so improper, that's so incredibly idiotic, that's shameful! Utterly shameful! Even as she maintains eye-contact with him and looks like she's going through all five stages of grief at once, it's clear that even she isn't processing this well.

She's about to blurt out an apology, perhaps several all at once, he speaks up and she's...okay, barely registering everything, but that last bit about the tea gets Camilla's attention and she forcibly straightens up--]

Ah, yes, it simply must have! We do appear to have been talking for quite some time. Do allow me to apologize for that, my lord! Among other misconduct--

[She is. Currently trying not to die here, but she's at least trying to pretend that didn't happen, even if she's kind of rushing through her words.]

Should I go prepare another pot, my lord?

Edited 2019-09-27 23:48 (UTC)

[Oh. Oh dear. She looks like she's about to break, um... Okay, so maybe focusing on the tea wasn't the best idea—]

Camilla, you don't need to apologize.

[That much is firm, though it takes him a moment of floundering and avoiding eye contact before he continues.]

All of this has been... exceptionally difficult for you, and I'm not upset by the... ah... head-patting.

[...Okay, he thought he had this, but he is rapidly losing control of it, let's try again...]

Please, do not concern yourself with that. It doesn't bother me.

[Why this. Why any of this, why did she do this, this was a bad idea--]

No, no, Lord Lorenz, that was utterly improper of me. I-I should not have acted in the way I did, even under duress.

[...]

I...commonly did that when I was younger, to the few siblings I held good terms with. They often found it a comforting, reassuring gesture. I must have thought...

[...Yeah, Camilla is not finishing that. She's a servant, and nothing more, and that's a fact that needs to be ironed into her head, she's certain.]

...I swear to never do such a thing ever again.

Camilla.

[It's firm again this time, and he's finally managing to look at her and not want to die of embarrassment.]

Given what you were talking about, it's only understandable that you started thinking of your siblings. Our closeness is something you seem to value greatly, and I'm not bothered by your actions. It was a bit startling, yes, but that does not mean I found it terrible or anything of the sort. I'm not going to punish you for that, nor will I speak of it again.

[He relaxes a little once that's out there, though.]

Please, don't feel bad about it. I promise you, I'm not bothered by it.

[He imagines that it was as much a comfort for Camilla as it was for her siblings. It's no wonder she defaulted to that...]

[Lorenz firmly calls her name and Camilla finally gets herself to look, and actually listen to him. She does wind up biting her lip a bit in guilt, but hearing him talk like that...it's...

It does actually make her feel a bit better. Because Lord Lorenz isn't wrong; she values their closeness incredibly. It's all she's really ever had in her years in House Gloucester's walls; it wasn't as if she had allowed herself to think of much else, neglecting anything to do with herself for the sake of becoming the perfect servant. Camilla has really never done anything for herself, she's never allowed herself selfishness, or anything that would benefit her and her alone.

It's a lot to realize, but when she eases this time, it's genuine. Camilla's hands rest themselves upon the little table, and Camilla nods her head.]

You are not incorrect, my lord. I value our closeness quite a bit. It is...perhaps all that I have had, for years. It is not as if I had any friendly acquaintances; most avoided me entirely.

[The admission comes easily, despite how honest it is. He might not have honestly known that, but she's sure that he's at least had an inkling. Camilla actually feels...okay with such a selfish action, because it did bring her comfort to do that. To view him as a younger brother, for even a second.]

I shall not feel bad about it, and if my lord wishes to never speak of it again, I shall not bring it up. [Camilla bows, slightly.] And in kind...I thank you for your understanding.

[That gets him to relax further as well, though in truth he hadn't realized just how much Camilla relied on their (friendship?) closeness. He had always assumed she got along well with the other servants, but considering her origin and how little most of the house knew about her... well, he can see where it wouldn't be easy for her to fit in with the common servants. Camilla is unique, somewhere between commoner and noble. It likely isn't easy for the other servants to know what to do with her.]

I'm pleased I've been able to make your stay at House Gloucester just a bit easier, then.

[It's the truth, and if he ever had any doubt about his desire to look out for Camilla just as she does for him, it's washed away now. As her lord, he wants to look out for her too. That's the proper use of nobility, after all.]

You're welcome. Of course I want to understand what you've been through. Thank you for confiding in me. As I've said, not a word of this will leave this room. I'm very pleased you can trust me with all of this.

You truly have.

[Camilla chuckles easily at that, hidden behind a brought up hand. He has, more than he could ever know. In a way, this has only assured that she intends to redouble her efforts in serving him to the last; he will never have to worry about anything as long as she lives and breathes.]

It's no trouble at all. Truly, I could think of nobody that I would trust more; your insights are as keen as ever, my lord, and your ability to address and understand the situations as I have laid them out is superb. Not that I would expect any less of you, of course.

[It isn't an attempt at deflection, for once. She truly means it, but...she is kind of staring at the tea, then his hair, and really just everything...]

My lord, your tea has likely frozen over by now. Shall I prepare another batch? [...] And would you like a comb, to take care of your hair?

[It isn't awkward when she brings it up; it's genuine questioning. She'll gladly come back with a new batch of tea so that way they can talk about more pleasant things, or simply read together if needed. Either way, Camilla's more than fine with it.]

[He's content to leave that as is, the praise is always nice, but gloating about it is unbecoming of a noble so he nods to acknowledge it but otherwise says nothing about it.

Then her eyes go from the tea to his hair and back again and he realizes with dawning horror that he didn't actually fix his hair...]

Oh. Ah... Yes, both of those would be appreciated...

[He's already trying to smooth it out a bit with his hands, but a comb is absolutely required to fix it properly...]

Thank you, Camilla. I didn't mean for your hard work to go to waste!

[He means the tea, obviously...]

[Oh no, Lorenz, honey. Camilla chuckles a bit, making to stand easily.]

Oh no, it's truly no trouble at all! There isn't any fault to be placed for this, so please, do not worry.

[Let her just go and grab a comb...Camilla has likely memorized his room pretty well by now to know where he keeps them, so let her just find the drawer and pull one out a comb like it's nothing! She's simply good at predicting where he keeps his stuff, that's all.

She'll pass it to him easily.]

Your comb, my lord. I shall be off to prepare some more tea--is there anything else you might require, that I can obtain for you?

[Camilla already has those books in her knapsack, but she isn't bringing that with her this time, so he can paw through it as needed. But she would be remiss if she didn't ask!]

[He's not surprised that she knows where everything is in his room - he keeps it as close as he can to the one back home, after all. Just as importantly, Camilla is very observant, and she's spent quite a lot of time in his room since they arrived, so that doesn't bother him at all.]

Thank you.

[He's quick to get to work on his hair, straightening out the strands with the comb and battling it back into the usual sleek submission.]

No, no, you've already obtained the books I asked for, so there's nothing else I require. Thank you again, Camilla.

[He offers her a (slightly awkward) smile to accompany the words.]

You're quite welcome, my lord. I shall be back momentarily, then.

[And with a bow, Camilla will be off for a bit, taking the tray with her. (Though she absolutely leaves those treats for Lorenz because those are not going to waste, she's sure.) She wants to make sure that tea is perfect, and she's gladly ensuring that they won't be wasting this. It's with renewed vigor that she walks back to the dormitories, and--

Nearly loses the tea when Claude decides he wants to talk to her briefly. He's wondering where Lorenz is, debonair and annoying as ever, and Camilla directs him toward the library. Which is the exact opposite of where he is; she's absolutely certain that Claude does not buy that for a second. Of course, she doesn't allow him to press for long, simply sashaying around him and walking with a little more force back to the dormitories.

...And making sure Claude hasn't decided to tail her, which perhaps mercifully, he hasn't. That boy is a menace and Camilla enters the room again with a slightly tight smile.]

Here is your tea, my lord. And apologies for the delay; I was met with a certain clodhopper and had to ensure he didn't cause a bother.

[Oh, don't worry, there's at least one sweet missing when Camilla returns, though Lorenz is back to looking as prim and proper as ever. He's got a different book with him for now (because it would be rude to go through her belongings, even if the books he's asked for are in there) but he looks up as soon as the door opens.]

No worries— Ah. What did Claude want with you?

[The way he comes down on the name makes it very clear that is just so entirely done with Claude and his shenanigans, and also everything he has decided to be.]

[Don't worry, she understands entirely. Camilla will close and lock the door behind her, before setting the tray down once again.]

He was looking for you, apparently. He likely had something utterly inane to bother you with; he did not offer clarification when I asked. I simply directed him towards the library, in the hopes that would occupy his time.

[Camilla sounds just as annoyed as she looks, believe her. Ugh.]

Do forgive me for speaking plainly, my lord, but that man is nothing but a pest at best, and a menace at worst.

[Lorenz sighs loudly, raising a hand to his head as if to fight off a coming headache.]

I have no doubts that the buffoon had something inane and utterly pointless planned. You have my thanks for redirecting him. With any lucky, he'll find someone else to bother and will have forgotten all about me by the next time I run into him.

[The words are full of disdain and disgust. It would be horribly inappropriate to be this put-off by Claude in public, but even then he does little to hide his distrust of House Riegan's heir.

He waves a hand at Camilla's words.]

No need for forgiveness. You have my permission to speak freely about anyone here at the monastery, particularly about annoying pests.

That is certainly all one can hope for in regards to him, isn't it? Honestly, the nerve of that craven man...

[Camilla sighs and prepares Lorenz a cup of tea, before preparing her own and taking one of those sweets and eating it delicately as one would expect. As much as she wants to angrily shove it in her face, she knows more than better not to.]

He's nothing but a snake. I wouldn't trust that man as far as I could throw him. [And she could probably chuck him pretty far???] That man needs to be brought back to reality to know that such behavior is unbecoming of someone in his position. He acts as if he hasn't a care in the world.

It would be a delight to see just how far you could throw him.

[That's super rude, but you know what, it's fine?? It's fine. It's not like Camilla's ever going to tell anyone, anyway!!]

He certainly doesn't seem to have any interest at all in the things the future leader of the Alliance should! He's almost always off pestering someone or chatting with Professor Byleth, it's almost as though he doesn't realize that we're here for a reason. Should he continue to act in such an undignified way, he will undoubtedly end up making political enemies for House Riegan and then perhaps they'll realize what an error it was to entrust him with the future of the Alliance!

[...Getting riled up like this is also unbecoming of a noble, so he takes a long sip of tea, just as prim as always.]

[Oh, she absolutely will not. Honestly, it's great to hear that from Lorenz, and Camilla lets out a small chuckle from behind closed lips. It's perhaps a touch...sinister, but surely that's fine.]

Do let me know if that should become necessary.

[...It sounds like a joke, at the very least? We all hope it's a joke??? Camilla, do you even realize how terrifying you are?????

Camilla gladly listens to Lorenz rant, though, because he is right. Claude is acting in an unfit manner for a future leader, acting akin to a child without a single care in the world. It's certainly frustrating that the future of the alliance is going to be trusted to this motherfucker.]

Truly, that man is the most utterly immature person in the world, my lord. One should hope that they realize that he is a poor fit before he makes enemies in the first place; minimizing the damage that dunderhead could cause is paramount, I would imagine, and he will make a dolt out of himself before long. I'm certain of that, my lord.

[Camilla gets it, don't worry, Lorenz. If nothing else, Claude is very aggressively himself; it's why she places confidence in him being his own downfall. She'll gladly take a sip of tea as well, finishing off her sweet shortly after.]

Really, it makes me feel terrible for Lady Hilda...he seeks her council so constantly, and a girl like her doesn't deserve that sort of burden.

Edited 2019-09-28 03:06 (UTC)

Oh, agreed. I would hate to have to clean up that man's messes, so it would certainly be best if he made enough of a fool of himself before making enemies. Still, I cannot help but think he'll end up irritating the wrong person here...

[Claude acts so friendly with everyone, it's baffling. Lorenz sighs and takes another sip of tea before setting his teacup down. Camilla's words are certainly appreciated, but she's shifted the topic a bit and it's better than whining about Claude for the millionth time.]

Hilda certainly does deserve better than to put up with him on a regular basis. I feel quite a bit bad for her even beyond that... Did you know she injured her wrist yesterday before training? She had to sit out the entire time. It seems she's always ill or injured... I do hope whatever ails her is treatable.

[...no, it literally does not occur to him that she's playing this up, who would do that???]

[Camilla is gladly going to take that as an unconscious request to play spy for a while. Not that she wasn't going to anyway, really, but now she's going to redouble her efforts...

Camilla's eyes widen a bit at Lorenz's words, though, gasping.]

She did? Oh, that poor girl! She told me that she injured her ankle a few days ago before it was time to clean the stables...I gladly took over the work for her. Lady Hilda's life is plagued by so much misfortune...it's truly most unfair.

[oh hey, same hat??? same hat.

Camilla takes another sip of tea in contemplation.]

Perhaps we should look out for her, my lord. It would be most prudent to ensure that she is well, for all of our sake's--she is such a wonderful young woman, after all. I would hate to see her deteriorate any further!

Did she? Poor thing. Yes, we simply must do what we can to help her out. It is my duty as a noble to look out for those who need my assistance, after all!

[And also Hilda's cute and from a noble family so like, there's no harm in befriending her?? That's kind of an awful thought, but he would definitely help her even if she was a commoner!!]

Together I'm certain we can make her life at least a bit easier!

Yes, we must! Let us do all we can to keep Lady Hilda out of future harm. If her life can be made easier by the two of us, then I am certain she will be able to prosper.

[Camilla sees nothing wrong with this!! They're just two idiots helping a cute girl, what's wrong with that?]

Perhaps we might be able to help Lady Marianne as well, however...oh, that poor girl is simply so timid. Have you had any luck with talking to her, my lord?

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