[He's prepared to tell her that she doesn't need to apologize; she never should apologize for asking questions, for being curious. But then...
Then she speaks those three damning words and he's equally torn between terror and elation.
It isn't really a surprise to hear them, he supposes. The flowers that bloomed within her were proof of infatuation, at the very least, and they have spent a good amount of time around one another. He's certain he loves her, after all, so it shouldn't be a surprise.
Yet it is anyway, and for a moment he freezes up. He's glad she can't see his face, because he isn't sure what his expression is doing and whether happiness or fear is winning out.
He loves her, and she loves him, and were things different, this would be a wonderful, happy moment.
But it isn't, and it can't be. His loyalty and devotion are to Lady Edelgard first and foremost, and they always will be. The path she walks is one he believes in completely and will sacrifice everything and everyone for. He has been prepared for this since the day she came back and started making plans to change the very foundation of this rotting world. She could ask anything from him, and he would do it in a heartbeat. Were it to further her cause, there is nothing he would not do.
And yet here's Marianne, entirely unaware of this, entirely unaware of what he is, believing that she loves him. How could he have been so cruel to let this get so far? His selfishness and desire to be near her for just a little while has only led to this. He's had plenty of chances to put a stop to it - to drive her away, to hurt her less.
But he didn't. He chose his own happiness - no matter how brief - over what's best for her. What a stupid, stupid mistake. This is exactly why he should never allow himself even a fleeting moment of happiness - because it will only come back to bite him, and possibly everyone else.
He knows he needs to say something, to acknowledge it or... or something, but he can't find anything to say. She's continued speaking, but he scarcely hears the words over the internal panic that keeps rising. He doesn't want to flee, but if he doesn't flee, isn't that only making things worse? He doesn't want to let go, but if he doesn't, won't that make it harder on her?
He wants to remain here, and tell her he loves her, and hold her tightly for the rest of the night. He wants to get lost in their promises and hopes for the future. He wants to pretend that they have a future together.
But it's his stupid, selfish wants that got him into this mess. He can't keep doing this.
So Hubert pulls back (slowly, too slowly) and brings a hand up to rest against the side of Marianne's face. He shouldn't be selfish - he can't be - but for this one moment he allows himself to look at her, to commit her appearance to memory. Her long, beautiful hair, styled so differently from normal. Her gorgeous dress that only highlights her beauty. Everything, everything he loves and desires, and everything he can never have.
Then he pulls away entirely and bows.]
I'm sorry, Marianne. I can never give you what you want or need. I can never be a person worthy of your love. Forgive me for being so selfish.
[The hand at his chest and the one behind his back are shaking, and he tries to will them to stop as he rights himself. For a brief moment, his expression is openly pained (well, as open as Hubert ever gets, anyway) and then it's gone and he turns to leave.
He knows this will only hurt her, but isn't that better than continuing to pretend that she can have everything she wants from him, when he's only going to hurt her even worse?
He has to convince himself of that. There simply isn't any other way.]
no subject
Then she speaks those three damning words and he's equally torn between terror and elation.
It isn't really a surprise to hear them, he supposes. The flowers that bloomed within her were proof of infatuation, at the very least, and they have spent a good amount of time around one another. He's certain he loves her, after all, so it shouldn't be a surprise.
Yet it is anyway, and for a moment he freezes up. He's glad she can't see his face, because he isn't sure what his expression is doing and whether happiness or fear is winning out.
He loves her, and she loves him, and were things different, this would be a wonderful, happy moment.
But it isn't, and it can't be. His loyalty and devotion are to Lady Edelgard first and foremost, and they always will be. The path she walks is one he believes in completely and will sacrifice everything and everyone for. He has been prepared for this since the day she came back and started making plans to change the very foundation of this rotting world. She could ask anything from him, and he would do it in a heartbeat. Were it to further her cause, there is nothing he would not do.
And yet here's Marianne, entirely unaware of this, entirely unaware of what he is, believing that she loves him. How could he have been so cruel to let this get so far? His selfishness and desire to be near her for just a little while has only led to this. He's had plenty of chances to put a stop to it - to drive her away, to hurt her less.
But he didn't. He chose his own happiness - no matter how brief - over what's best for her. What a stupid, stupid mistake. This is exactly why he should never allow himself even a fleeting moment of happiness - because it will only come back to bite him, and possibly everyone else.
He knows he needs to say something, to acknowledge it or... or something, but he can't find anything to say. She's continued speaking, but he scarcely hears the words over the internal panic that keeps rising. He doesn't want to flee, but if he doesn't flee, isn't that only making things worse? He doesn't want to let go, but if he doesn't, won't that make it harder on her?
He wants to remain here, and tell her he loves her, and hold her tightly for the rest of the night. He wants to get lost in their promises and hopes for the future. He wants to pretend that they have a future together.
But it's his stupid, selfish wants that got him into this mess. He can't keep doing this.
So Hubert pulls back (slowly, too slowly) and brings a hand up to rest against the side of Marianne's face. He shouldn't be selfish - he can't be - but for this one moment he allows himself to look at her, to commit her appearance to memory. Her long, beautiful hair, styled so differently from normal. Her gorgeous dress that only highlights her beauty. Everything, everything he loves and desires, and everything he can never have.
Then he pulls away entirely and bows.]
I'm sorry, Marianne. I can never give you what you want or need. I can never be a person worthy of your love. Forgive me for being so selfish.
[The hand at his chest and the one behind his back are shaking, and he tries to will them to stop as he rights himself. For a brief moment, his expression is openly pained (well, as open as Hubert ever gets, anyway) and then it's gone and he turns to leave.
He knows this will only hurt her, but isn't that better than continuing to pretend that she can have everything she wants from him, when he's only going to hurt her even worse?
He has to convince himself of that. There simply isn't any other way.]