we've been wandering in the dark

[deeprealm]

[It's been two weeks since Shigure first came in to check on Mitama, to see if she was actually doing work in the stables. Since that day, he's found time in his schedule to come here to meet with Mitama every day without fail. It helps that he usually doesn't need to assist his sister with her chores, or to help his father or mother out any. He doesn't feel bad about helping Mitama out at all, since he'd be in here tending to the pegasi anyway. And besides, it's nice to see Cerulean and Mitama bonding like this.

It's also really nice to get to bond with Mitama, but that's... well, that's not really something he's sure how to admit, or if he should admit it. Would she take it poorly? He isn't sure. It can be a bit hard to read Mitama sometimes.

But that's part of why he enjoys spending so much time with her. She's a fascinating individual and she's witty and smart, and sometimes she still teases him, but even that's gotten to a point where he rarely has to make excuses and run off. He can usually laugh it off and eventually she'll drop it, probably because she's taking pity on him. Still, he looks forward to these meetings more than any other part of his day, and today's no exception.

He enters quietly so as not to interrupt Mitama and Cerulean, but once he gets in, he holds up a hand in greeting and begins to tend to the other pegasi. Only when Mitama has reached a stopping point will he speak up.]

How has your day been? I hope your father hasn't been troubling you too much lately.

[He's certainly tried to stick his nose into it over the past two weeks, but his mother and father both have told him that he really needs to mind his own affairs on this one. Azama is... a bit of a difficult person, as they put it. Still, he longs to make Mitama's life just a bit easier, and she does seem to be enjoying this job... so things are fine now, right?]

Comments

[snoreseverlasting]

[Mitama has certainly had an interesting few weeks, to say the least. Her father's still as aggressively stubborn as ever, but it's abated at least slightly by the fact that she's been doing her work. Sure, she spends most of her time around the pegasi, but it's something, right? It's more than what Mitama would like to do, really, but considering how often she's been seeing Shigure...it really hasn't been all that bad.

It is causing some complicated feelings that Mitama has been dwelling on, which only seem to ignite more as Shigure enters and raises a hand in greeting--she raises her hand back before going back and grooming Cerulean, careful to not cause the pegasus any harm. But Mitama finds herself sneakily looking at Shigure while they work, and it makes her happy, certainly, but...she doesn't know what to do with this. Really, she has an idea of what could be going, but does she want to acknowledge it? Sure she likes teasing him, and sure she likes seeing him, but if this fails, what'll that leave her? Likely trying to find a new chore to get good at to appease her father, but...

She doesn't know how to feel. She's had Cerulean to talk to, but even that isn't going to provide her with the answers she needs. And her father's been needlessly needling into her business, to boot. It's been getting a little frustrating, really.

Once she's done with Cerulean, she hears Shigure, and she turns to face him. She does sigh a bit--she should have expected that kind of questioning, but she can deflect it easily enough.]

As vexing as ever / in this changing world of ours / he stays ever steady. It truly is not something to worry over.

[As neutral as her tone goes there, she at least has something of a smile on her face. She can't really stay irritated at the questioning--she'll just need to redirect it, that's all.]

My day has been quite fortuitous, if I may say as such! It's truly the perfect sort of day to simply doze away, once I've finished my daily dues. Chores tackled swiftly / the final reward in sight / blissful sleep awaits!

What of yours, Shigure? Elation, despair / the story of the day / what tale shall you tell?

[deeprealm]

I can see where a nap would be nice on a day like today.

[He smiles at that before settling in to work on one of the pegasi as he responds.]

I'm afraid my day hasn't been particularly interesting. I've been tasked with cleaning the kitchens lately, and most people are good about taking care of their own dishes so there isn't much left to do. I don't have anything to complain about, at least!

[snoreseverlasting]

[Mitama smiles a bit to herself at that--if she's honest she's likely gonna shirk the last chore or two she's doing to nap early, but for now, this is...nice. Mitama does wind up staring a bit at Shigure while he works, absently brushing Cerulean in the process while she assumes he's none the wiser.

Mitama at least can enjoy this much.]

Quite fortuitous indeed. I'm quite pleased that none have seen it fit to give you trouble; I might have to give them a few words if they saw fit to inconvenience you so.

[That's her job!!

...Wait, no.]

Such perfection must please them all, truly. You're set to make father and sister alike jealous.

[deeprealm]

Oh, you don't need to worry about me, Mitama.

[He's smiling though, the expression gentle and pleased. It really is nice that she'd try to look out for him...]

I... do my best, but I'm far from perfect.

[The words are a bit hesitant, a bit unsure. This topic is always a difficult one for him, and he's not really sure he wants to talk about it with her.]

[snoreseverlasting]

Nonsense. Expectations met / with ease unspoken of; / quite admirable. Your best is very clearly more than enough for the adults.

[He really is perfect, isn't he? At least...well, to her, he is. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong, clearly. Some part of her wonders if she should ply such praises so freely, or if it might make things too weird, but...

Well, it's out there now, despite his hesitant words. Mitama doesn't see why he feels so modest about it--it's plain as day to her.]

[deeprealm]

[Shigure glances away at that. It really is nice to be complimented like that, but he hasn't really done anything to deserve it...]

Thank you, Mitama. I'm just doing what I can.

[It's probably obvious that he's not really sure what to do with the praise, though it's hardly her fault. He's just sort of bad at handling it from anyone, especially when he's his toughest critic.]

[snoreseverlasting]

You've made that quite apparent.

[...On the plus him looking away means she can stare a little more freely, but on the other hand, she's. Very much not sure why she's getting that kind of reaction from him? She could guess, maybe, but...]

...Might I ask if you are alright? Sudden sullenness / looms over yonder, and yet / it's source is unknown.

[deeprealm]

Oh, I'm sorry, I don't mean to worry you! It's just...

[It's not really something he should say, he knows that. The last thing he wants is to trouble her with it, or just as bad, for word of it to reach his sister or parents... But at the same time, he doesn't like the idea of lying to Mitama, or brushing it off as just nothing when in reality it does bother him so much.]

...I suppose I've always found it a bit difficult to receive compliments like that when compared to my parents or my sister. They're worthy of all the praise they receive, far more than I am. I don't mean to say that I think you're lying when you say such things, it's just... a little strange for me, I suppose.

[snoreseverlasting]

[I don't mean to worry you gods have mercy, this is who she's smitten with. Mitama does wind up putting the brush she's using down, probably earning a Look from Cerulean in the process, but Mitama just...

What does she say to that? She can feel something bubbling in her at the idea that he could ever think she's lying, even if he said it himself that he doesn't think she is--did she do something wrong, then? She doesn't know why or how, but it frustrates her. Gods, she shouldn't even be feeling like this--]

Is that to say that you would want to be complimented on your own merits, without being compared to them, then?

[She's not sure if she's missing the point here or not, but there's some definite frustration entering Mitama's tone as she forces herself to go back to brushing Cerulean's mane out, muttering to herself a bit and pointedly looking away now.]

[deeprealm]

Well, that is part of it. Most people compliment me by saying that I'm "as perfect as" my father or my sister, or otherwise reference my parents. The comparisons always make me feel uncomfortable, but in truth, any compliment is a bit difficult to receive... I feel as though I haven't earned it.

[Which isn't always true because he does work hard, it's just Complicated.

He pauses for a moment before amending his statement.]

I don't mean to say that you've been comparing me to my family, you haven't. It's something I've heard frequently, unfortunately.

[snoreseverlasting]

[...She hates to say that it makes sense when he says that much; she'd certainly not like to be compared to her father in many, if any regards. Still, that's...Mitama can't help but feel a little frustrated and put out by that.]

...Perhaps that much, I can acquiesce. I certainly would not wish to be compared to my oaf of a father if I could help such a thing.

[Still--]

You do deserve it, however. You work so incredibly diligently, so much that it is worthy of admiration. You've more than earned the right for such accolades, and it's...

[She trails off, very pointedly goes back to work at that, and her mind bubbles over with ideas--things she should say, but couldn't, things that'll only bring trouble. She somehow hopes he's just willing to drop it, perhaps.]

[deeprealm]

[He's quiet for a moment, just staring at the pegasus in front of him instead of continuing his work. He wants to argue, to say that he's not good enough, that he'll only deserve those compliments when he really earns them, but ultimately he sighs and ducks his head a bit.]

...I'm sorry, Mitama. I didn't mean to burden you with all of this. It's been something I've been thinking about recently, but that's no excuse. I'll be more mindful of it in the future.

[snoreseverlasting]

You're not burdening me.

[Mitama snaps at him when he says that almost instantly, her tone taking on a harshness that's perhaps unintentional--she's frustrated, so utterly frustrated, and she knows she's causing it, and that makes her angry? That makes her very angry.]

The volcano heats / roiling, barely restrained from / fiery outburst. It's frustrating that you don't...that I...

[That's all she manages to get out before retrieving something from her pack for Cerulean--some nice carrots for her, gently feeding the creature. Once she's finished, Mitama stands up.]

Oh, forget it. Forget I said a thing.

[Her tone goes cold at that, and pretty dismissive as she tries to walk out. She doesn't expect him to follow her along, though she's likely left him with questions.]

[deeprealm]

[He looks over at her when she snaps, but he doesn't interrupt at all. He looks taken aback, and honestly has no idea what he's said that's set her off. He would have understood if she was angry before he apologized, but...? Oh, perhaps the apology simply came too late...

Well, regardless of what did it, he can't just let her walk away like this. Perhaps if she were someone else he would, he could go be upset somewhere for awhile and then try to brush it off and ignore it, like he always does. But things are different with Mitama, and he doesn't want her to be angry or upset, and he's not about to let her go just like that.

So instead he gets up, leaving his work unfinished (for once) and follows her, reaching out for her arm once he catches up.]

Mitama, Mitama, wait—

[snoreseverlasting]

[Gods only know she needs to cool down after that, but her mind wanders while she walks--reminds her of just how frustrated she is with herself. She should go back and apologize, and maybe she should just accept that he doesn't like being complimented. But hearing that he doesn't deserve it, when he does so much--and knowing that it only makes things worse if she tries bark against it, it stings a lot more than she'd like to admit.

She just wants him to see himself in the same light she sees him. But she was foolish, so foolish--

Ah, gods. Mitama looks a bit surprised when she hears her name, turning to see him walk up to her with wide eyes.]

What--Shigure?

[It takes a few seconds of surprise for her eyes to narrow a bit. Oh, this is perfect, just what she needs--Mitama can't say she actually expected him to follow her, but she crosses her arms, mostly to just close herself off some when she sees his hand, and she looks away from Shigure but she doesn't start walking again.]

Don't you still have work to do? Surely you've something more important than trying to...to...

[...there's a sudden realization that she really doesn't even know what he's trying to do.]

[deeprealm]

[He pulls his hand back and settles a bit now that she's talking to him.]

Trying to find out what's upset my dear friend so.

[He provides the answer she's looking for easily, with no hesitation or embarrassment. Though once it's out there, he starts to wonder if maybe he should have chosen something a little less intimate-sounding... So he'll just try to move on quickly.]

I can afford a delay in my tasks. It's important to me that I look out for you too, you know. To be honest, I'm not really sure what it was that upset you so. I wanted to make sure that you'll be okay.

[snoreseverlasting]

[...Ah, gods.

That's the way it's been with him on those rare occasions--when he manages to embarrass her just by being very purely himself. It flusters her, and she's kind of glad she's very pointedly looking away from Shigure because her face is starting to match the color of her hair--]

I'll be fine. Such base frustration / needs but blissful, sweet slumber / to forget it's source. You don't need to concern yourself over me so much; save those worries for how you view yourself!

[deeprealm]

How I view myself?

[He says, like he has no idea how that could possibly be a problem...]

I'm going to worry over you anyway, Mitama. You're... important to me.

[He should probably elaborate, or at least make it clear that he means as a friend or something because once again that sounds so intimate, but he doesn't end up doing it. Maybe some part of him wants her to know. It's sort of embarrassing, but there's something oddly liberating about saying it too, even if it's not all that open.]

[snoreseverlasting]

[Shigure she loves you but oh my god, she wants to tear her hair out at how frustrating this is!!

She could stand so much, but those words, with all he's been saying and just how much he's been trying to both deflect the subject and downplay all he's done...it finally brings her over the edge.

Mitama winds up turning back to Shigure, her hands balling up by her sides and proceeding to get into his face--]

You're important to me as well, but it frustrates me to no end that you can't see yourself the way I see you, you utter buffoon!

[oh boy, she's getting into a row, someone please stop her--]

Modest you may be / to just...disparage yourself? / I cannot stand it! Nay, I loathe it entirely! I can't stand to see you put yourself down when you have done so much for everyone--you have earned it, and the fact that you cannot see that worries me horribly!

[deeprealm]

[He takes a step back when she turns on him, though he holds his tongue until she's done. Is it really something that bothers her so much...? But it's hardly modesty, it's the truth...]

I do what I can for everyone, but there are those who can do so much more - who try harder, who work harder, who have the skills required to look after everyone in more efficient ways... I'm not trying to downplay my contributions, but I'm not doing all that much!

[The words just sort of happen, because he's not really sure what to do with this. It probably isn't helping though.]

[snoreseverlasting]

[It's absolutely not helping, and Mitama quite frankly looks like she wants to strangle him but she is refraining so much--]

Utter hogwash! That doesn't mean what you do can't be held to the same high regard as what everyone else does!

[Her mind is going a million miles a minute and she's trying to rein herself in before she says something utterly stupid. Not that this isn't stupid, but gods.]

[deeprealm]

But what I do isn't as important! I take care of the smaller things and yes, it's important that someone does them, but anyone could do it! I'm just filling in the gaps that the others can't handle right now, that's all.

[It's a silly thing to argue over, he knows that. But he doesn't know how else to handle this without getting moody and irritated, so apparently this is what we're doing today.]

[snoreseverlasting]

And yet they still trust you to do those things, time and time again! Like clockwork, each day / reliability shines / and ensures success! The so-called 'smaller' things are integral to to the function of 'bigger' things, and that doesn't make them unimportant in the process!

[She wants to storm off so badly but here she is, getting angrier and angrier at this dense young man.]

[deeprealm]

These are tasks that could be done by anyone, I just happen to be the one around to do them! It doesn't make me special or even half as important as those running the army! I acknowledge that the tasks are important, but again, anyone could do them!

[She's not the only one getting riled up, and once Shigure gets going, he doesn't really know how to stop himself.]

[snoreseverlasting]

Ugh--you're missing the point entirely, Shigure! I'm so utterly sick of hearing the boy I adore disparage himself and refuse to include himself amongst these so called 'better' people! What on earth would it take to get you to see yourself as one of them?!

[...She. She hasn't realized that she's let a really important little detail slip.

Will either of them notice, only time will tell.]