sranks | ROLLING AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND

ROLLING AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND

( catchall for some dumb hedgehogs
also seasons tdm link for reference! )

[There's a tremendous difference between hearing about something, studying something, and seeing it. For all the times he's intensely studied Sonic and his friends, never once has Neo stopped and actually considered their actions. He knows Amy loves Sonic because she says it. Seeing it laid out for him like this - her relentless pursuit, her dedication to the man who saved her, and the feelings Sonic has toward her that slip through the bond...

Is that what love is like? Rather than a foreign concept that he's only heard of in passing, this is something real, something tangible.

—And isn't it a bit comparable to his own situation?

After all, he is entirely dedicated to pursuing Sonic. He would chase him to the ends of the earth and beyond - and that this point it isn't just to ensure Sonic dies at his hands. He can't kill Sonic here in any way that matters, and yet he didn't hesitate to chase him down today, just to see what was troubling him so. And as for dedication? Well, how much more dedicated can one be when their entire existence revolves around another person? Eggman's orders or otherwise, this is what Neo has chosen for himself.

Sonic is the center of his world. Isn't that love?

...Impossible. I do not have feelings.
There's no reason to compare our situations at all.

But he's starting to understand why Sonic always runs from Amy. Why he ran from this entire topic of discussion to begin with. Sonic's afraid. He's afraid of not being good enough. Sonic, of all people, being afraid of such a thing... it's truly baffling. The confusion is still present, of course, but it's slowly being outweighed by determination, that Sonic just needs to take a step back to realize he's being so stupid about all of this—

And then Neo's thoughts are abruptly derailed by Sonic's statement.]

...What?

[The sudden force at which Sonic's thoughts are shut from his own mind causes him to recoil a bit. No, that... That makes sense. They're getting too tangled in each other's thoughts, and there are things that are best kept separate, but...

...Ugh. This is doing his head in. Neo finally moves to let Sonic up entirely, moving to sit in the snow beside the hedgehog so he can direct his gaze to the trees rather than Sonic himself. He's starting to see why Sonic didn't want to think about this.

I can't be whatever it is you want me to be. I simply don't have the capacity to feel like others do.
But this changes nothing. You understand that, don't you?
That no matter what, I will always be your rival.
Anyone would be lucky to have you.
You'll make someone very happy someday.
...I hope you won't forget me.]

[The door to Sonic's thoughts, his heart--it opens a little bit, as he gets himself settled. He wants to run again, he wants to so badly, but...he doesn't. He's too tired to do so right now, and he wants to stay near Neo. He wants that, even if it just makes the aching in him hurt. When did this start? Sonic doesn't know, but he doesn't look at Neo as he kind of leans back into one of the rocks nearby and looks out at the sky. It's pitch black, speckled full of stars, and Sonic can't help but let his mind wander a bit.

He's not cut out for this. He's never been, and he never will be, but as Neo's thoughts come into his head, something determined in him rises up a bit, though a bit quieter.

Don't get it twisted.
I wouldn't want you to be anyone but yourself.
...Appreciate knowing nothing's gonna change, though.
I wouldn't want to lose this.

One of Sonic's hands goes to the ground, kind of idly picking up snow and putting it back down again. Anything to help center him a bit. He knows that Neo can't be someone else, and Sonic feels almost insulted that Neo thinks he'd want him to be someone else. Why would he want that, when the Neo in front of him is the one he likes the most?

Sonic's world is big and vast, but there's only one real Neo in it. He's irreplaceable, his irreplaceable rival. Determination wells in him, and Neo might feel Sonic, of all people, starting to shake next to him.

And I wouldn't forget you.
The world could try, but there's only one you in it, and I won't let it take you from me.
But I think...that's the thing, I think.
I don't want something like that.
I don't want to compromise.
If it means I can't do all of the things I love and with all of the people I care about, I don't want any part in it.

Maybe deep down, he just loves everyone a little too much, but Sonic knows there's something different with Neo here. He doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that things feel like they've shifted, and while their worlds are different, while everything is different now, something has shifted and he knows he won't lose Neo, but there's something else that's getting under his skin--

You've been saying that a lot.
That you can't feel anything, that you have no feelings.
Who's determination did I feel, then?
Who's thrill of the chase? Who's confusion, who's frustration did I feel?
...I've only got one string with me, you know.

It's not quite meant to be a callout, but that last part comes out a little quieter. Or at least if thoughts could have a volume, that one would have been a little softer.]

[Neo's gaze is drawn to Sonic's movements, to the idle gestures in the snow. Vaguely, he wonders if it's too cold now that his organic counterpart isn't running. Well, Sonic will likely let him know if that's the case, and cuddling seems... ill-advised right now given the topic of conversation. So he dismisses that with only a vague sense of embarrassment(?) flickering across the bond before he settles.

The thoughts make it a little clearer why Sonic believes he wouldn't make for a good partner. Compromise seems like something necessary in most relationships, after all. Sonic is - and always will be - himself, and he's the sort of person who is set in his ways and thoughts. But how could that be a bad thing, when at the end of the day he's Sonic? Those ways and thoughts of his are for the greater good, for helping others and reaching out to everyone around him - how could anyone want to argue with that? Those who would want Sonic to settle down and stay in one place would be stealing an important part of who he is from him - they wouldn't be worthy of him in the first place.

Aside from some vague feelings of discontentment regarding those thoughts, there is the matter of... well. That. Because yes, Sonic does only have one string, and if he's been experiencing such things then—

Robots have no need of feelings.
I was not designed with the ability to feel.
Therefore, I cannot feel. That's simply how it is.

But uncertainty follows that. Because he knows how easily that can be disproven. He wasn't designed to go and overthrow Eggman and take over his fleet. He wasn't designed to turn himself into a giant metal dragon to try to kill Sonic. He wasn't designed to make the decision to play nice and turn this hatred into a rivalry—

Though it's a bit hard to say with all certainty that he feels nothing when so many of his decisions were made in haste because of that hatred.

This time it's Neo's turn to try to forcibly shut their connection down as he turns his gaze back out to the trees, though he doesn't do a particularly good job of it.

It's easier if I don't feel.
Then I don't have to understand what my feelings for you are.]

[Sonic feels that uncertainty, in all of this. It's...strange, but Sonic isn't surprised in the slightest; how long has Neo simply existed on drive alone? Existed only to follow orders, existed only to kill him, existed with the constant looming threat of being scrapped by Eggman if he did not succeed. This is the first time Neo's really existed for himself, too, and this is...

It's not fair, to put him through this. It almost makes Sonic want to leave, to put this under the rug and not think about it, but that's only hurt them both so many times. They can't keep doing this, and Sonic's determination builds slowly, as if gently knocking on the door to Neo's heart. The one he'd so fervently deny that he has.

I know. I get it, and I feel the same way.
And I'm sorry for putting this mess on you.
It's not fair to you.
But isn't ignoring this just going to hurt us both?

Sonic pauses a bit, the shaking not abating, but the hand in the snow ceases it's movements. The other hand, the one closer to Neo, tentatively moves, and...

You're wrong.
You can do anything you set that big brain of yours to, Neo. We've both seen it time and time again, haven't we?
There's nothing wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with going against how you were made, and making something new of yourself.

...He moves to try and take one of Neo's hands in his own, shakily, but with a firm resolve if allowed.

...I don't know if the stuff going on inside my head really is what they're all calling...that.
I still don't know if I get it.
What we are, what any of this is.
But I think, in an ideal world...

Even in thinking, he can't bring himself to use that dreaded four letter word.

Sonic's thoughts drift to an ideal world. A world where he has a partner who can test his worth and prove a challenge to him. They can race throughout the world, finding new places to go, to enjoy, to just be themselves in. They can take on anything that comes their way, and they can enjoy life for all it is. They can compete with each other, fight each other, and still come out of it happy. They could even go their own ways for a time if they want that, to experience the world on their own terms, to make their own stories.

And at the end of it all, they could come back to see each other and share the stories they've created. Right back into each other's arms and embrace, the only real home they'd ever need.

...It's a cute fantasy. Sonic knows it can't be a reality, but somehow, his heart aches for it as that thought ends up transferred through their bond.

I can't think of anyone else I'd want to share this with.

...

You're the greatest rival I've ever had, Neo, and I've got no intention of changing things between us.
But...thanks.
For hearing me overthink, at least.
Means a lot.

Sonic isn't going to force this. How could he, when Neo has barely had time to make his own life outside of all he's known? There's so much in this beautiful world and many others for Neo to see, he's sure of it. Neo deserves to see it.

There's an old phrase that Sonic's heard at least once in his life, from the place he used to come from, and it rings true even now.

"If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you...it is yours."

If he really does love Neo...he's willing to let him go.]

Edited (...nah, that's better) 2024-12-22 03:41 (UTC)

[Making something new of himself. Reshaping himself to be better, stronger, to enhance his natural strengths over his rival and to ensure that this time, this time he'd come out on top—

All of this has been his own decision. From the moment he prioritized Sonic's destruction over Eggman's orders, he's been living his own life. No matter how many times he's tried to convince himself of it, he isn't solely a machine of war. Things that he once deemed weaknesses are what make him Neo, and Sonic likes those things about him. To discard them so carelessly would be to change himself beyond recognition. And he... doesn't want that.

He's still not entirely sure what he does want. It's hard to imagine a future at all, even if it is one where he does succeed at finally killing his rival, because Sonic... Sonic isn't supposed to die. If Sonic dies, then where does that leave Neo? He won't have anything to pursue anymore. He won't have the center of his world. How can a world exist for him without Sonic?

Sonic's thoughts are overwhelming, but that dream of an ideal future, one where they are bound together yet free to pursue their own desires, ever returning to one another—]

And what if it never wants to leave to begin with?

[He doesn't need to communicate this through thoughts. No, that's not quite right. He doesn't want to communicate it that way. Neo gave himself a voice; he may as well make damn good use of it.]

I will always be yours; that will never change. No matter where we go, no matter what we... feel for one another, that remains the same. I do not care what we call it - what we have now is...

[it's everything I could ever want.

He seizes Sonic's hand then, the movement sudden, forceful, and his grip is tight like he isn't going to let Sonic have a chance to escape.]

You say I am capable of feelings. Then you should already know how much you mean to me.

[Of course Neo isn't good at expressing it, how could he be, when he's done nothing but delude himself into thinking that all those feelings are nothing? But here and now, with the bond able to share them so easily, he can express all of that and so much more without the need for cumbersome words that could never hope to capture it anyway.

Sonic can infuriate him and rile him up like none other, but he values that; their rivalry means everything to him. Spending time like this, even without any sort of competition or challenge is comforting. Neo looks forward to the silence between them in the evenings, when they do nothing in particular but cuddle on the couch and chat about their days. He likes hearing Sonic talk - of all the things he's seen and wants to see, of all the places he's been and people he's met. He feels happy, the happiest he's ever been capable of feeling, because he knows that his rival will be waiting for him, and that Sonic will push him to better himself no matter how many times he gets caught in his own circling thoughts and doubts. He's frustrated that he can't help or express this with his own words, but thankful for the bond existing to share all of this with Sonic, who needs to know just how damn important he is.

He's the center of Neo's world. He always has been.

He always will be.

And it doesn't matter what that feeling is called, because Neo likes it and doesn't want to let it go.]

[Sonic's about to put all of his thoughts in his heart and move on from this crisis. He's not sure if things will go back to normal, but he has a feeling they will; things always have a tendency to work out, and even if it hurts for a bit, there's so much in this beautiful world to take in and they'll still push each other. He can stuff the feelings away and pretend they don't exist, probably never finding someone for him, and he'll never probably find anyone of his own but that's okay. The world is vast and full of great things he can pick up along the way.

It's freeing to at least let Neo know of those feelings in him, whether he truly knows what they are or not.

Things can finally go back to normal, and maybe with any luck, they haven't missed the festival and can have some fun there. There were all sorts of games that Sonic wanted to show Neo, ones he was sure Neo would be able to make all too easy and compete against Sonic in, and maybe win some prizes, and--

"And what if it never wants to leave to begin with?"

Neo's words stop Sonic's brain in it's tracks.]

Neo--?

[It feels like a flood of everything, all at once. Neo's speaking up again, using that voice of his to communicate rather than his thoughts, but there's the overwhelming thoughts too, that tell so much. They tell a lot of things to Sonic, and in truth, they're a little overwhelming, but...

Each word, each affirmation, Sonic's heart feels a little lighter. Something in his heart swells at them, knowing Neo wants to be his. That this is truly everything that he's wanted, that Sonic wasn't just forcing feelings from his own heart onto the robot who's still trying to learn how to lead a life of his own. That he'd choose to come back, that he doesn't know what the future holds either or what they are, but that all remains the same.

Neo seizes his hand, and Sonic's mouth is slightly agape as he stares at Neo with wide eyes. He's never been made to feel like this before, so thoroughly surprised by those feelings being reciprocated so strongly, and it's strange. Amy's always had all of these flowery words for what it feels like to be in love, how it strikes the heart, and he never thought he could feel the same way. The shock persists for a while, Sonic doing everything to process what's in front of him.

He's...really the center of Neo's world, and it doesn't feel anything but wonderful to know of that. To feel everything that Neo feels, he knew Neo wasn't as cold of a machine as he made himself out to be, but he feels all of it right now, and...]

[Neo enjoys the time that they spend together, whether they compete or not; even those moments of comfortable silence, those times that Sonic has always wondered whether they were boring or not to Neo, he enjoys those too. All of these inane things, all of those things that have made Sonic into who he is, made him so human, Neo enjoys those things just as much as he does.

He enjoys their rivalry. He enjoys competing with him, but Neo also enjoys the things that make Sonic him. He doesn't even mind all of those little nudges into helping Neo find his own humanity, his own feelings and purpose, and...

It's all so overwhelming, but the joy that Sonic feels in knowing this--every bit of it, of knowing how happy he makes Neo, who deserves happiness, deserves his own life and joys, it's overwhelming to the point of aching. Neo will likely feel that through the bond as Sonic's face shifts from one of shock to one of pure joy; surprised at first, but slowly shifting to a genuine, all encompassing joy, it's all so much, knowing just how important he is to Neo, knowing how much he--

Sonic doesn't even hesitate for a second to pull Neo into a tight hug. One that's almost overwhelming in it's force, in it's joy and enthusiasm, in everything that Neo has made all too clear to him now, that he couldn't be happier to know.

For once in his life, Sonic is silent, though Neo can likely feel him shaking a bit as he buries his face into the other hedgehog's shoulder; if you feel anything wet there, no you don't. He's totally not tearing up a bit, honest, he hates tears, but...

Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You've made me the happiest guy in this world and any other.
I can't put it into words right now, but...
Thank you, Neo.
My greatest rival.

Sonic's own feelings are overwhelming and overjoyed, and they simply come through as those same two words again and again. He's thankful that Neo feels similarly. He's thankful that Neo is choosing this of his own accord, that this is his decision and he'd never leave. He's thankful to be the center of Neo's world, to know that the robotic hedgehog cares so much for him, yet would always be here to clash with him.

He's so thankful that Neo has become himself, and that Sonic can be a part of that beautiful journey alongside him.

Does Sonic love Neo?

Yes.]

[For once, Neo doesn't find himself questioning his actions and words and worrying if they were wrong, or too much, or not enough. For once, he allows Sonic to take all that in without overthinking. He doesn't have to worry, because he can feel everything Sonic does, and he knows that Sonic isn't upset or displeased by this - because how could he be? This is what he wants as well.

Neo's already shifted energy to his core so that when Sonic hugs him, he's in the process of warming up. He wouldn't want to risk freezing his beloved rival to death, now would he?

You don't need words. I already know how you feel.
You're very good at expressing it, at making sure I know.

His grip is tight against Sonic's back, but the hand that comes up to the back of his rival's head is gentle, stroking those quills absently as he inclines his head, pressing into Sonic's space both so he can nuzzle against him and...

Well, he doesn't have a mouth to kiss with, but that's what he'd be doing if he did.]

[Heh. Guess you really do, huh?

Sonic can't help but chuckle a bit at that, the sound bright and warm through their shared link as Sonic feels himself starting to cozy himself right into Neo as he feels his rival warm up. A physical manifestation of the warmth in both of them right now, and Sonic just wants to be enveloped in that beautiful warmth for a while and forget the world exists...

But Neo's hand gently pets those quills as he feels Neo incline his head into Sonic's space, and he'll bring his head up in kind--feeling Neo nuzzle into him like that gets a bit of a chuckle, before he feels his heart skip a beat at the realization.

...He's gonna have to ask Neo if he ever wants to see about getting a proper mouth at some point, but as it stands, Sonic's expression brightens overwhelmingly at Neo taking the initiative, and he returns the favor by reciprocating the kiss he so desperately craves, that he can return just as fervent and lovingly.

Even out here, in this cold forest, Sonic's never felt more at home than in his rival's arms. It's a feeling Sonic hopes he can transfer to Neo, in a way--that feeling of home. Of belonging in one place and one place alone, a place that's just for the two of them right now. Because Neo isn't the only one who wants to make his feelings known.]

[Ah, he really is so obvious about it... c-cute... He's pleased he could get across what he wanted, especially without the use of words or their shared link to make it obvious. This is really nice. Though in some ways nothing has changed at all, it does feel different now that there's a name to put to the flurry of feelings that come with the proximity to his beloved rival.]

Thank you. [I know it was difficult.] I've learned much today. I want nothing more than to remain right here with you, but...

[His gaze turns skyward; though they're quite a ways out from the festival, the fireworks that have just started are still visible against the night sky.]

...Perhaps we should head back. I don't want you to be too cold out here.

[Sonic chuckles a bit once the sound of the fireworks hit his ears, and he looks to Neo once the other hedgehog puts that out there.]

Awww, you really do care after all! [It was never in question. Promise. Sonic chuckles a bit, a little sad he has to get up from his boyfriend's warm space, but holding out a hand for Neo with a grin.] Not that I'd really ever be cold with you around, but I'm thinking getting back into town where the warm is will be a good idea, yeah. There might still be some cool games going on at the festival, too, if we get there quick.

Race you there? [...] Or...should we take our time, you think?

[Either way's fine by him. Neo's already expended enough energy today chasing after Sonic--they can take it at whatever pace Neo wants tonight.]

[Neo nuzzles against Sonic again at that, though he allows his rival to get up, taking Sonic's hand when it's offered to him.]

You already know my answer.

[And then, without even waiting for Sonic to respond, Neo fires up his jets and zips off. After all, how could he ever turn down another opportunity to race his rival? Even though there's no chance he'll win, he always, always strives to be better than Sonic.

And the amusement present through the bond makes it clear that he is not sorry at all about cheating to get a head start.]

You cheater--!

[...

You know, Sonic isn't sure what he should've expected, but it absolutely should've been that. Sonic's laughter is loud and bright and catching up fast to Neo as his own amusement and competitive spirit is made apparent, and truly?

He's the happiest man alive, with the best boyfriend he could ever ask for. And as they make it back to the festival, he doesn't care what anyone else thinks, because they're both happy and that's what matters most.]

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ROLLING AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND

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