[Lif's look abates in it's confusion, gaze softening and his words a little more gentle. It at least makes sense, when she frames it like that, and Lif will at least nod his head and--actually give him a second. He doesn't usually like taking his mask off; he hasn't really since that time in the Water Park back in the ocean. But he usually prefers to eat alone because this stupid thing gets in the way, more often than not.
But once that's off? Down the hatch it goes, easily as any vulnerary he drank in life. It's easy to feel it starting to work, and Lif does look back to Aela once he's done, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand.]
There. I do hope that will suffice. [Lif tips his head; he hasn't missed how blunt and gruff she's being, but his tone remains steady and softer than it gets with most.] Is everything quite alright, Aela? You seem ill at ease.
[It's still sort of surreal to see Lif drink like this... The important thing is that he has taken the potion, however. That means that his injury will hopefully be fine, at the very least until they can stop by a town. It's a long way back to Whiterun, and even if they travel by carriage it won't be an easy trip. They're not particularly close to Markarth, but it is the largest city in the Reach, which means that there's likely to be several healers with magic—
She glances up at Lif when he speaks up and then shakes her head with a short, sharp exhale. It sounds frustrated.]
I am, yes. I'm not one to worry incessantly like this.
[She never has. She worried more after she died down there in the ocean than she ever has before, which is... strange and concerning, if she's honest. It's not really surprising that it's carried over here, but that doesn't stop it from being frustrating.]
[Lif watches, his gaze unflinching as he does; whatever this is has managed to frustrate her deeply. It's genuinely not like Aela to be this frustrated, much less this worried. It isn't as if the wound he sustained was fatal--why does she worry so?
Lif quietly thinks, turning Aela's words over in his head before speaking up.]
...You are not, it is true. But this must run deeper than some sort of simple worry; indeed, it would not eat at you so, if it were that simple.
[Lif lets that hang in the air, but...]
Would you like to talk about it, Aela?
[He doesn't want to force her into it, but...well, there's a bit of worry in Lif's tone as well. Lif worries a lot more than he lets on, but he tries not to be too explicit about it most of the time. Now...well, it's out in the open.]
[No, she wouldn't like to talk about it. She'd like to forget about it and move on, and maybe Lif will forget all about it too in time.
...But that isn't really fair to Lif, is it?
So after a moment, Aela sighs and moves to sit, gesturing for Lif to join her. She keeps her attention turned outward, as if watching for trouble, but she doesn't really seem all that focused.]
A month or so before I was dragged to that place beneath the ocean, one of my shield-brothers died. He went on ahead of us, and wasn't strong enough to survive. The Companions insist on always having a shield-brother at your back, and I wasn't there to have his.
[She wasn't far away. If she'd just hurried— If the Harbinger had just woken up a bit sooner—]
By the time we got there, he was dead. There was nothing I could do for him.
[There's more to it than that, but it isn't anything she wants to bring up. Explaining that she thought she'd meet him again when Lif killed her isn't exactly something she wants to think about.]
Something in Lif's chest sinks upon hearing that--he may not have a physical heart, but as they sit together and he listens to Aela tell such a story--well, it's a familiar pain. Lif's felt it more than his fair share of times, but to hear it from Aela, of all people...
No wonder she reacted like she did. No wonder she wanted to ensure that he was okay, why she got so cross with him--why wouldn't she, after one false move lost her a shield-brother? The dead simply can't come back to life, after all. It's something that's clearly affected Aela deeply, and that's...]
...I understand. That is why you were so cross.
[The words are simple, but...]
...I imagine that the words mean little, after so long, but I am sorry for your loss. Such things...they stick with you, forever. Always wondering what you could have done better, to save them.
[In truth, Lif isn't sure what to do. What to say, really. Lif can't change the past, and he's spent a long time learning that sometimes it is better that way. But...
Lif's hand comes up, gentle and tentative, and grips Aela's shoulder in an attempt to bring her back into herself. To get her to look at him, perhaps, but--]
I have no intention of dying on you, Aela. I would kill anyone who tried--no matter who they may be, or how strong they are, I refuse to allow myself to die. And I know that you will not, either. I know you will always have my back--just as I shall have yours.
You will never have to worry about such a thing ever again.
[Lif's words aren't entirely confident, but they're intense--an oath, perhaps. A promise, even. But more than anything, Lif needs her to know that he has no intention of leaving her behind.]
[She's listening to Lif, certainly, but she doesn't turn to look at him until his hand finds her shoulder. His words bear the weight of an oath - she couldn't miss them if she tried.]
I know.
[It's such a simple phrase, but it really is one she's aware of and honestly believes in whole-heartedly.]
If I didn't trust in that, I wouldn't have come all the way out here with on you. I would have insisted we bring Farkas or Njada; another shield-brother to watch our backs. I know you won't die on me, just as I won't die on you.
It was just... surprising, I suppose.
[The wounds they sustained during their sparring sessions beneath the sea were different. They were "dead" so those injuries hardly mattered. But here, where death is a very real threat... It was surprising, despite how stupid that sounds.]
I know you understand it, but I do wish I hadn't told you quite like this. Skjor deserves to have tales of his bravery and cunning told, not my regrets and sorrows.
[It's her attempt at lightening the mood a bit, though she does truly believe that.]
[Lif likewise listens to Aela as she speaks; he's pleased that she knows that he won't leave her so easily. That she trusts him enough for it to be just the two of them on this journey, despite the perils that this land brings.]
We have not had to worry, about such injuries possibly spelling our end in quite some time.
[...He doesn't let go of her shoulder, though; if anything, his grip tightens slightly. A little more assuring and grounding.
He should let go though, shouldn't he? He should. And yet, Lif doesn't; he's not sure why, but...he wants to linger. He wants to linger for just a little longer--]
...Tell me about him, sometime. It does not have to be right now; should your memories of him be entrenched in sorrow, allow that sorrow to pass. When the time should come, I would be honored to share in the tales of his cunning and bravery.
To hear of the tales that would do his memory justice.
[Lif at least seems willing to lighten the mood himself, and his gaze seems happy, if nothing else.]
[Lif always has been good at reading her moods. He presses when he's curious, and backs off when she needs him to. It's an ebb and flow like the ocean, and Lif meshes seamlessly with her. It's been like this since they met up again after their deaths, and she's pleased that it hasn't changed even now.]
I will, then. Those are stories my shield-brothers will want to help tell, I'm sure. We'll recount his tales soon, I'm sure.
[And Kodlak's too, and every shield-brother of theirs that has come before. Lif is one of them now, and he deserves to know their history as well as everyone else.]
Thank you.
[It's simple, and it feels like she should elaborate, but Aela's not even sure where to begin.]
...For everything.
[Too simple, but it gets the point across well enough. Lif has done more for her than she can ever truly express, and the fact that he hasn't let go of her shoulder isn't lost on her. Perhaps—
[It's times like these that he almost wishes that come of the things that had been done to him in the ocean had been kept; he can't quite smile the way he could before, but it's clear from his expression that he would be doing just that if he could.]
I am looking forward to it.
[But then she lets those simple words escape her. It makes his chest tighten again--he's not sure what with, but it's something almost nerve-wracking. It's strange, but not unwelcome, and yet it strengthens his resolve in some ways.
...He really should let go of her, shouldn't he, he's being improper and could give her the wrong idea--
(But what is the right idea, in these circumstances? Lif doesn't know.)]
...Of course, Aela. It is never any trouble; I am willing to do all I can for you.
[That feels forward. Too much so, really. Lif's grip softens on Aela's shoulder before attempting to withdraw entirely, and Lif finds his gaze going elsewhere while the blue parts of his face darken a touch. It's fine. Everything's fine.]
No. Come on, get your act together. Now isn't the time or the place, and Lif's been injured. Even if he's going with that where she thinks he's going with that, it'll have to wait until his injury's been healed.
Besides, Lif's hand withdraws, and Aela checks her disappointment with it because again, now really isn't the time. They can discuss this more later.]
Glad to hear it. The same goes for you as well.
[She shakes her head once that's out there and then gets to her feet.]
But for now, you're resting. I'll take first watch.
[She'll be up for longer than that to give Lif more time to rest, but she's not going to risk getting too tired standing on watch. That's just asking for an ambush, after all.]
[let's be honest. lif doesn't know where lif is going with that.
But never the less, Lif nods his head. He'll start to get up, then; the last thing he needs is for something to happen to him in such a state. He doesn't want to worry Aela, after all.]
Very well. Wake me up when it is my turn to take watch; I will see you then.
[His gaze softens a bit as he looks back to her, before making his way back to his tent. Sure, it'll probably take him a bit to sleep--that, and he's an incredibly light sleeper--but he will attempt to make sure that he rests. Anything less would worry her.
(Though his brain certainly isn't going to shut off, as his thoughts drift to Aela and likely keep him awake for longer than intended as he tries and fails to sort himself out. It's fine.)]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Lif's look abates in it's confusion, gaze softening and his words a little more gentle. It at least makes sense, when she frames it like that, and Lif will at least nod his head and--actually give him a second. He doesn't usually like taking his mask off; he hasn't really since that time in the Water Park back in the ocean. But he usually prefers to eat alone because this stupid thing gets in the way, more often than not.
But once that's off? Down the hatch it goes, easily as any vulnerary he drank in life. It's easy to feel it starting to work, and Lif does look back to Aela once he's done, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand.]
There. I do hope that will suffice. [Lif tips his head; he hasn't missed how blunt and gruff she's being, but his tone remains steady and softer than it gets with most.] Is everything quite alright, Aela? You seem ill at ease.
no subject
She glances up at Lif when he speaks up and then shakes her head with a short, sharp exhale. It sounds frustrated.]
I am, yes. I'm not one to worry incessantly like this.
[She never has. She worried more after she died down there in the ocean than she ever has before, which is... strange and concerning, if she's honest. It's not really surprising that it's carried over here, but that doesn't stop it from being frustrating.]
no subject
Lif quietly thinks, turning Aela's words over in his head before speaking up.]
...You are not, it is true. But this must run deeper than some sort of simple worry; indeed, it would not eat at you so, if it were that simple.
[Lif lets that hang in the air, but...]
Would you like to talk about it, Aela?
[He doesn't want to force her into it, but...well, there's a bit of worry in Lif's tone as well. Lif worries a lot more than he lets on, but he tries not to be too explicit about it most of the time. Now...well, it's out in the open.]
no subject
...But that isn't really fair to Lif, is it?
So after a moment, Aela sighs and moves to sit, gesturing for Lif to join her. She keeps her attention turned outward, as if watching for trouble, but she doesn't really seem all that focused.]
A month or so before I was dragged to that place beneath the ocean, one of my shield-brothers died. He went on ahead of us, and wasn't strong enough to survive. The Companions insist on always having a shield-brother at your back, and I wasn't there to have his.
[She wasn't far away. If she'd just hurried— If the Harbinger had just woken up a bit sooner—]
By the time we got there, he was dead. There was nothing I could do for him.
[There's more to it than that, but it isn't anything she wants to bring up. Explaining that she thought she'd meet him again when Lif killed her isn't exactly something she wants to think about.]
I won't let another of my shield-brothers die.
[I can't goes unsaid.]
no subject
Something in Lif's chest sinks upon hearing that--he may not have a physical heart, but as they sit together and he listens to Aela tell such a story--well, it's a familiar pain. Lif's felt it more than his fair share of times, but to hear it from Aela, of all people...
No wonder she reacted like she did. No wonder she wanted to ensure that he was okay, why she got so cross with him--why wouldn't she, after one false move lost her a shield-brother? The dead simply can't come back to life, after all. It's something that's clearly affected Aela deeply, and that's...]
...I understand. That is why you were so cross.
[The words are simple, but...]
...I imagine that the words mean little, after so long, but I am sorry for your loss. Such things...they stick with you, forever. Always wondering what you could have done better, to save them.
[In truth, Lif isn't sure what to do. What to say, really. Lif can't change the past, and he's spent a long time learning that sometimes it is better that way. But...
Lif's hand comes up, gentle and tentative, and grips Aela's shoulder in an attempt to bring her back into herself. To get her to look at him, perhaps, but--]
I have no intention of dying on you, Aela. I would kill anyone who tried--no matter who they may be, or how strong they are, I refuse to allow myself to die. And I know that you will not, either. I know you will always have my back--just as I shall have yours.
You will never have to worry about such a thing ever again.
[Lif's words aren't entirely confident, but they're intense--an oath, perhaps. A promise, even. But more than anything, Lif needs her to know that he has no intention of leaving her behind.]
no subject
I know.
[It's such a simple phrase, but it really is one she's aware of and honestly believes in whole-heartedly.]
If I didn't trust in that, I wouldn't have come all the way out here with on you. I would have insisted we bring Farkas or Njada; another shield-brother to watch our backs. I know you won't die on me, just as I won't die on you.
It was just... surprising, I suppose.
[The wounds they sustained during their sparring sessions beneath the sea were different. They were "dead" so those injuries hardly mattered. But here, where death is a very real threat... It was surprising, despite how stupid that sounds.]
I know you understand it, but I do wish I hadn't told you quite like this. Skjor deserves to have tales of his bravery and cunning told, not my regrets and sorrows.
[It's her attempt at lightening the mood a bit, though she does truly believe that.]
no subject
We have not had to worry, about such injuries possibly spelling our end in quite some time.
[...He doesn't let go of her shoulder, though; if anything, his grip tightens slightly. A little more assuring and grounding.
He should let go though, shouldn't he? He should. And yet, Lif doesn't; he's not sure why, but...he wants to linger. He wants to linger for just a little longer--]
...Tell me about him, sometime. It does not have to be right now; should your memories of him be entrenched in sorrow, allow that sorrow to pass. When the time should come, I would be honored to share in the tales of his cunning and bravery.
To hear of the tales that would do his memory justice.
[Lif at least seems willing to lighten the mood himself, and his gaze seems happy, if nothing else.]
no subject
I will, then. Those are stories my shield-brothers will want to help tell, I'm sure. We'll recount his tales soon, I'm sure.
[And Kodlak's too, and every shield-brother of theirs that has come before. Lif is one of them now, and he deserves to know their history as well as everyone else.]
Thank you.
[It's simple, and it feels like she should elaborate, but Aela's not even sure where to begin.]
...For everything.
[Too simple, but it gets the point across well enough. Lif has done more for her than she can ever truly express, and the fact that he hasn't let go of her shoulder isn't lost on her. Perhaps—
Hah, no need to get ahead of herself.]
no subject
I am looking forward to it.
[But then she lets those simple words escape her. It makes his chest tighten again--he's not sure what with, but it's something almost nerve-wracking. It's strange, but not unwelcome, and yet it strengthens his resolve in some ways.
...He really should let go of her, shouldn't he, he's being improper and could give her the wrong idea--
(But what is the right idea, in these circumstances? Lif doesn't know.)]
...Of course, Aela. It is never any trouble; I am willing to do all I can for you.
[That feels forward. Too much so, really. Lif's grip softens on Aela's shoulder before attempting to withdraw entirely, and Lif finds his gaze going elsewhere while the blue parts of his face darken a touch. It's fine. Everything's fine.]
no subject
No. Come on, get your act together. Now isn't the time or the place, and Lif's been injured. Even if he's going with that where she thinks he's going with that, it'll have to wait until his injury's been healed.
Besides, Lif's hand withdraws, and Aela checks her disappointment with it because again, now really isn't the time. They can discuss this more later.]
Glad to hear it. The same goes for you as well.
[She shakes her head once that's out there and then gets to her feet.]
But for now, you're resting. I'll take first watch.
[She'll be up for longer than that to give Lif more time to rest, but she's not going to risk getting too tired standing on watch. That's just asking for an ambush, after all.]
no subject
But never the less, Lif nods his head. He'll start to get up, then; the last thing he needs is for something to happen to him in such a state. He doesn't want to worry Aela, after all.]
Very well. Wake me up when it is my turn to take watch; I will see you then.
[His gaze softens a bit as he looks back to her, before making his way back to his tent. Sure, it'll probably take him a bit to sleep--that, and he's an incredibly light sleeper--but he will attempt to make sure that he rests. Anything less would worry her.
(Though his brain certainly isn't going to shut off, as his thoughts drift to Aela and likely keep him awake for longer than intended as he tries and fails to sort himself out. It's fine.)]