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we're flying through the night
[There are a lot of things Hubert knows for certain.
He knows that Lady Edelgard will take the throne and usher in a new era for Fódlan. He knows that his duty is to serve Lady Edelgard, regardless of personal cost. He knows that he would do anything and everything for her. He knows that his entire being is devoted to her, completely. He knows that nothing can stand in the way of her conquest or of his devotion.
He also knows that he's been coughing up flower petals for exactly a week now.
Hanahaki Disease is certainly not uncommon in the monastery; most of them are a bunch of stupid teenagers, it certainly isn't surprising that several of them have managed to find themselves developing feelings for someone. Such a stupid, pointless thing should have been limited to the dumb teenagers who have nothing to worry about but grades and their stupid, pointless feelings for one another.
This shouldn't be happening to someone like him. Perhaps he would be taking the situation more seriously if his feelings were for Lady Edelgard - although a situation like that is a bit horrifying to imagine. He would never betray her trust in such a way. He loves her, certainly. But not like that. That would only cause problems.
No, these feelings have come from someone else; someone entirely unexpected.
Marianne.
It's been four months since they met. In truth, he doesn't recall much of their first interaction. Claude had called Lady Edelgard over (which meant he had come with her) to introduce the others in his house as they ate breakfast. All he can remember is assessing the individuals to see if any of them could potentially be useful to the future Empress or if they could pose a threat. Marianne hadn't stood out at the time.
She hadn't stood out much when they'd first ended up talking either. It had been during some downtime, when she was tending to the animals and he was doing his usual patrols around the grounds. He'd startled the horses she was tending to so badly it had taken her quite a long time to calm them down. He had lingered a bit - curiosity compelling him to stay and watch - but he doesn't recall much of their conversation that day. Marianne was just as quiet as he had figured.
They met a few times like that, where she took care of the horses and pegasi and he watched. Despite being the most intimidating student in the academy (because he was certainly more intimidating than Dedue), she had let him remain there without much in the way of commentary.
Eventually, she ended up joining their class. Professor Byleth is certainly a skilled instructor (despite their lack of experience in teaching), so it was no surprise that Marianne had eventually left the Golden Deer to join up with them. Not that he's really aware why Marianne had joined - he hasn't asked her. It's the most logical conclusion, though.
From there, they were set to stable duty together. He'd tried to get the professor to change their mind and stick him with Lady Edelgard, but they had refused to budge. Lady Edelgard also seems to be fine with her current job with Dorothea, so he supposes he can't complain too much... Even so, it's left him with a lot of time to get to know Marianne.
Oh, sure, they don't really talk that much. At first, it was difficult to work with her. She was so quiet and he was completely inexperienced at tending to animals, and the whole thing was a mess. But eventually she started explaining how and why she was doing things to help calm the animals, and while they certainly don't like him, they're beginning to warm up a bit.
He would have just left it at that, and maybe this whole Hanahaki disaster wouldn't have happened. But instead, he decided he needed to be three steps ahead - as always - and asked Marianne to teach him to ride. A horse, of course, he wouldn't dare get near a wyvern or a pegasus. Hopefully no one was aware of that little problem.
Marianne had agreed, and riding lessons have been going surprisingly smoothly. Hubert was taught to ride as a child, but his mastery of horses is... lacking. Desperately lacking. If he has to fight on horseback, he'll definitely die. So learning to train a horse and teach it to respond to his commands is important, and Marianne has been helping tremendously.
Well, she was helping. Before the whole Hanahaki disaster thing.
He hasn't seen her in three days. Not that he's avoiding her. Or keeping track of the days. No, that isn't it at all. It's just that he's been terribly busy with Lady Edelgard's plans - they still can't do anything just yet, but every step is another one closer to her victory. It's slow-going, but it's a necessity.
In truth, he's been distant from everyone, even her. He has work to do, certainly. But he also has to keep these stupid petals to himself so no one finds out. Admitting that he has a problem sounds like a horrible idea. It would just cause Lady Edelgard to worry and the other students of the Black Eagles house to tease him mercilessly. So no, he won't do that. Once he has the time, he'll simply track down Professor Manuela and make her remove this stupid thing. The memories he'll lose don't matter to him.
(Never mind that he could do this at any point and waiting only makes it worse.)
Today isn't really any better than any of the days before it. He can usually get through the days with only two coughing jags, and he's been lucky enough to hide it from everyone. Today continues that trend - but only barely.
It strikes him when he's in the library, searching through financial records for information that could assist Lady Edelgard. The near-choking feeling hits him suddenly, and he coughs up more than a handful of delicate, white petals. The fact that they're still white is good - it hasn't been long enough to risk staining them red. Perhaps that's the one good thing about this - at least he's coughing up light-colored petals.
Linhardt is in the library, but even the rough, nearly-pained sounds of coughing up flower petals isn't enough to wake him. Hubert can be thankful of that much, but he's certainly not wasting any more time in here. He puts the books away, grabs the petals, and leaves. Hubert heads back to his room in a hurry, those petals clutched tightly in hand so no one will see them. No one can know about this.
...He's missed a single petal, but surely that isn't important.]
He knows that Lady Edelgard will take the throne and usher in a new era for Fódlan. He knows that his duty is to serve Lady Edelgard, regardless of personal cost. He knows that he would do anything and everything for her. He knows that his entire being is devoted to her, completely. He knows that nothing can stand in the way of her conquest or of his devotion.
He also knows that he's been coughing up flower petals for exactly a week now.
Hanahaki Disease is certainly not uncommon in the monastery; most of them are a bunch of stupid teenagers, it certainly isn't surprising that several of them have managed to find themselves developing feelings for someone. Such a stupid, pointless thing should have been limited to the dumb teenagers who have nothing to worry about but grades and their stupid, pointless feelings for one another.
This shouldn't be happening to someone like him. Perhaps he would be taking the situation more seriously if his feelings were for Lady Edelgard - although a situation like that is a bit horrifying to imagine. He would never betray her trust in such a way. He loves her, certainly. But not like that. That would only cause problems.
No, these feelings have come from someone else; someone entirely unexpected.
Marianne.
It's been four months since they met. In truth, he doesn't recall much of their first interaction. Claude had called Lady Edelgard over (which meant he had come with her) to introduce the others in his house as they ate breakfast. All he can remember is assessing the individuals to see if any of them could potentially be useful to the future Empress or if they could pose a threat. Marianne hadn't stood out at the time.
She hadn't stood out much when they'd first ended up talking either. It had been during some downtime, when she was tending to the animals and he was doing his usual patrols around the grounds. He'd startled the horses she was tending to so badly it had taken her quite a long time to calm them down. He had lingered a bit - curiosity compelling him to stay and watch - but he doesn't recall much of their conversation that day. Marianne was just as quiet as he had figured.
They met a few times like that, where she took care of the horses and pegasi and he watched. Despite being the most intimidating student in the academy (because he was certainly more intimidating than Dedue), she had let him remain there without much in the way of commentary.
Eventually, she ended up joining their class. Professor Byleth is certainly a skilled instructor (despite their lack of experience in teaching), so it was no surprise that Marianne had eventually left the Golden Deer to join up with them. Not that he's really aware why Marianne had joined - he hasn't asked her. It's the most logical conclusion, though.
From there, they were set to stable duty together. He'd tried to get the professor to change their mind and stick him with Lady Edelgard, but they had refused to budge. Lady Edelgard also seems to be fine with her current job with Dorothea, so he supposes he can't complain too much... Even so, it's left him with a lot of time to get to know Marianne.
Oh, sure, they don't really talk that much. At first, it was difficult to work with her. She was so quiet and he was completely inexperienced at tending to animals, and the whole thing was a mess. But eventually she started explaining how and why she was doing things to help calm the animals, and while they certainly don't like him, they're beginning to warm up a bit.
He would have just left it at that, and maybe this whole Hanahaki disaster wouldn't have happened. But instead, he decided he needed to be three steps ahead - as always - and asked Marianne to teach him to ride. A horse, of course, he wouldn't dare get near a wyvern or a pegasus. Hopefully no one was aware of that little problem.
Marianne had agreed, and riding lessons have been going surprisingly smoothly. Hubert was taught to ride as a child, but his mastery of horses is... lacking. Desperately lacking. If he has to fight on horseback, he'll definitely die. So learning to train a horse and teach it to respond to his commands is important, and Marianne has been helping tremendously.
Well, she was helping. Before the whole Hanahaki disaster thing.
He hasn't seen her in three days. Not that he's avoiding her. Or keeping track of the days. No, that isn't it at all. It's just that he's been terribly busy with Lady Edelgard's plans - they still can't do anything just yet, but every step is another one closer to her victory. It's slow-going, but it's a necessity.
In truth, he's been distant from everyone, even her. He has work to do, certainly. But he also has to keep these stupid petals to himself so no one finds out. Admitting that he has a problem sounds like a horrible idea. It would just cause Lady Edelgard to worry and the other students of the Black Eagles house to tease him mercilessly. So no, he won't do that. Once he has the time, he'll simply track down Professor Manuela and make her remove this stupid thing. The memories he'll lose don't matter to him.
(Never mind that he could do this at any point and waiting only makes it worse.)
Today isn't really any better than any of the days before it. He can usually get through the days with only two coughing jags, and he's been lucky enough to hide it from everyone. Today continues that trend - but only barely.
It strikes him when he's in the library, searching through financial records for information that could assist Lady Edelgard. The near-choking feeling hits him suddenly, and he coughs up more than a handful of delicate, white petals. The fact that they're still white is good - it hasn't been long enough to risk staining them red. Perhaps that's the one good thing about this - at least he's coughing up light-colored petals.
Linhardt is in the library, but even the rough, nearly-pained sounds of coughing up flower petals isn't enough to wake him. Hubert can be thankful of that much, but he's certainly not wasting any more time in here. He puts the books away, grabs the petals, and leaves. Hubert heads back to his room in a hurry, those petals clutched tightly in hand so no one will see them. No one can know about this.
...He's missed a single petal, but surely that isn't important.]
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If...if you could find a way to make him agree, of course I would. I-I'd really like nothing more.
[...]
You'd...be willing to do that for me?
[Marianne is at least lowkey hoping he's gonna be a decent person about this? ...Hopefully? Surely there won't be anything stupid happening here, right???]
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Of course I would. I want you to be able to make your own decisions, to follow the path you want. I will speak to Lady Edelgard about it, but I believe it will be possible to sway him to our side.
[There's more than just that, of course. Having support from the Alliance will make things easier, or at the very least will throw the Alliance into chaos. Even if Margrave Edmund were to die, it wouldn't be a particularly large loss. If anything, he'd appreciate it, given everything the Margrave has done to Marianne. But that's not the point right now.
The point is that he wants nothing more than for Marianne to join them, because if she's with them he can keep her by his side and keep her safe, and maybe...
No. Best not to get ahead of himself.]
I want you to decide what course of action is best for you. It is your decision to make and yours alone.
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That's...
That actually sees Marianne uncurl herself as she looks up at Hubert, seemingly shocked by the idea. Marianne's never been able to decide for herself, only spurred on by the decisions of others like her father, or...maybe even the Goddess, in such a regard. Marianne knows it will be a lot to process, but the idea that Hubert would want that for her is...]
...Thank you. No one has ever...said something like that to me before.
[...]
You're--you're not as bad as you think you are, and I--I'd like that. I'd really like that, to...to not have to worry so much and to think for me. For once.
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The world we seek is one where everyone will have the freedom to decide what they want to do - that certainly includes you. I don't want you to feel as though you can't make your own decisions.
[Including about this. Especially about this.
But he can't ignore the latter part of that, and after a moment, he speaks up again.]
I... am truly sorry for my behavior at the Goddess Tower. I'm sorry I hurt you, Marianne.
[The words are a little too simple, but they're honest. He still can't bring himself to look at her.]
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[Marianne almost calls him kind again, but thinks better of it. Her own gaze darts when Hubert apologizes, and it takes all of her will not to curl up again, nor to apologize...at least immediately.]
...Do you really think that you were being selfish, by...courting me?
[Marianne breathes, though she clearly doesn't know how to tackle this.]
It hurt to hear all of that. To hear you say that you were unworthy, and for you to...run away. But I...I wasn't blameless either. I was being selfish too, by saying that.
[...]
I think you're more than worthy, though.
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I was being selfish. I chose my happiness over everything else. I knew this has the potential to end badly for Lady Edelgard's plans and I still pursued it. Even more than that, though... I knew it could only hurt you in the end, and I still couldn't bear to let you go.
More than anything, I really did want a chance to be happy with you, even if it was short-lived.
[And that... Honestly, it's terrifying to admit. It's painful to admit. And her words...]
You are far too kind to someone like me.
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[Marianne actually tries to stand when he says that much; she won't deny that maybe it was bad to pursue romance when they were making such big, grand plans, but...]
Even if it was risky to do something like that, you...you still should have that chance. I think so, anyway. I was...really, really happy with you too, and you have always treated me kindly. Even if it was selfish, isn't that something you should allow yourself too? Just a little?
[Marianne wants so badly to grasp his hands, to do something, but even now she doesn't move closer because she's scared he'll run again.]
I...I wanted to be happy with you, too, and I...still do.
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It isn't the first time he's stopped to wonder why he's like this, but he refuses to focus on it now.
Marianne's words do get him to look at her, searching her expression for anything to imply that this is a trick, that there's more to this. He doesn't think she's trying to hurt him, but... years of caution make it incredibly hard to trust anyone.]
I can't allow myself to be selfish, especially if it means I'll hurt you.
[That's not the only problem, but that is the primary one.]
I can never be someone worthy of your affection. You are... a kind and caring individual, someone who has been hurt over and over again by this cruel world. I could never forgive myself for bringing any more harm to you. I want you to be happy.
[It's difficult to admit it, but the words happen anyway and he fights to keep his gaze from shifting away again.]
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You're not hurting me by being selfish, Hubert. You're...you're really not.
[Marianne does her best to be determined, trying to get the words she desperately needs to say out.]
You do make me happy. Constantly. You go out of your way for me so much...you never once minded how shy I am, and you've always been so kind to me besides. Even if... [Marianne's hands raise in front of her, clasping in front of her.] Even if you're a 'bad person', that doesn't erase everything good, that you've done. I-It really doesn't. And...it never will, to me.
You've been 'worthy' of my affection since I first started teaching you how to ride a horse, and...and you still are.
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Is it really fair to deny her happiness just because he's not sure he's good enough for her?
Hubert exhales slowly, then starts forward.]
Thank you, Marianne. I... If I may be selfish, then I would like nothing more than for you to join us on this path. I want to keep you by my side, keep you safe... Because I...
[The words he needs to say so desperately don't come and he glances away, frustrated.]
...I care deeply for you. I never would have had to deal with those flowers if I didn't, and all our time spent together has only confirmed it. You mean so much to me, and I can never apologize enough for all the pain I have caused you.
[All the pain I may cause you.]
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He cares pretty deeply for her too. It's something that sees Marianne walk a little closer to him, just...kind of nervous but very, very happy.]
Of...of course you can be selfish. I was...selfish enough to ask to join you, too. I want to stay by your side, and help both you and Edelgard make the world better...
[Marianne gently holds out a hand for him.]
I care deeply for you, too, and I...I forgive you, Hubert. I've only fallen for you more, too. So I...I want to stay with you. Because you mean very much to me. And I want to see the world be better for you, too.
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What a strange thought. It's almost baffling that Marianne would want something like that, when the world hasn't been nearly as cruel to him personally as it has to her or Lady Edelgard, or even quite a few of their peers. But it's also a nice thought, and one he wants to cling to.
He takes her hand easily, clinging just as tightly.]
Thank you. For... all of this. For everything.
[For trusting me.
He's quiet for a moment before speaking up again, his gaze darting.]
What you said at the Goddess Tower... I feel the same way. I'm afraid I don't have the words to express it just yet. Please be patient with me, and someday I'll be able to say it properly.
Until then... I will endeavor to prove it to you.
[Over and over, for as long as it takes.]
no subject
[Marianne says that much with confidence she didn't even know she was capable of, but she means every word as she laces their fingers together. She doesn't want to let him go ever again--not when he wants to get her father to agree to let her help them, and maybe, just maybe, she won't have to lead an unhappy life...
It's a lot to think about--the worry that her father may say no is far from her mind right now, as Hubert speaks up again.
Marianne's face goes pink and she gasps, very slightly--she shouldn't be so surprised, but to have it confirmed makes her feel like she's on cloud nine, and it's more than worth the patience that she'll certainly have to wait to hear him to say it outright.]
Oh, Hubert...I...
[Marianne's look is utterly overjoyed, like she might just faint--but she winds up grasping the hand she's already holding with her other one, blushing brightly and unable to really look up at him, so she settles on looking at his hand.]
I-I understand. I really, really do. You're doing so much by saying even that and I'm...I'm so happy. You've made me so happy.
[Seriously, she looks like she's going to bounce off the walls here.]
I'll make sure I prove it to you, too. Just...just how much I...care for you, too. Because I know you'll prove it to me. You already have.
[...She's worried if she says love he'll run away again, so she bites it back.]
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I won't let you down, then. I'll do everything I can to ensure you'll never regret the decision to join us. I'll make the world we so desperately seek a reality and then...
[He brings his free hand up, resting gently against the side of her face. He's not trying to get her to look at him, he just wants the contact.]
And then when you're truly free, I hope you'll continue to choose me.
no subject
And then when you're truly free, I hope you'll continue to choose me.]
Of course--of course I'll choose you, Hubert. Always.
[Yeah, any and all caution has officially gone out the window--Marianne lets go of Hubert's hand before at least attempting to hug him. She's not sure if it's the right choice.]
And I'll...I'll help. I'll do whatever I can to. I-I promise.
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I know you will. Thank you. Thank you for hearing me out and choosing this path...
[The words trail off there, but he's not quite done yet. The next ones are soft, but she's certainly close enough to hear.]
...Thank you for allowing me another chance.
[He won't let her down. Never again.]
no subject
You're very welcome. For...for all of that, Hubert. I'm sorry I was so stubborn at first, but I'm...I'm glad we both took that chance.
[...]
Um...if Edelgard doesn't have anything pressing for you to do, would you...mind if we stayed together? For a little while?
[--Ah.]
P-Probably not in here. My room is...a bit of a mess, despite my best efforts. I'm sorry you had to see this...
[...Among other things. Marianne's hair looks like an absolute mess as well, especially now that she's standing. Seriously, her hair looks more like some kind of monster that could detach itself from her head, it's so messy.]
no subject
[At her words, he does glance around her room again. Yeah it's... pretty bad...]
Lady Edelgard doesn't require my assistance right away, so I would enjoy spending more time with you. Would you prefer to find someplace private?
[If her room isn't an option, then his own certainly is. Though that's still a bit awkward if anyone catches her... There are plenty of other places around the monastery that won't be crowded, especially at this time of day. Of course, that's assuming she'll want to be in public...]
no subject
[Marianne thinks for a moment.]
Well...if Ferdinand isn't trying to bother you today, I wouldn't mind going to your room. It's much nicer than in here, and I'm, um...worried other people would bother me, if they saw me outside...
[So if he's cool with it, she is too. Of course, her hand goes to her messy hair...]
Oh, but um--I-I should take care of my hair first. It's probably a mess...
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[No big deal. Ferdinand will leave if the door's locked and he thinks Hubert isn't there. This is a bit of a weird time for Hubert to be back in his room anyway.]
Would you like me to wait outside for a moment? Or would you prefer for me to head back to my room first?
[The latter is probably easier to avoid suspicion, but he'd be lying if he said he'd prefer it. He doesn't ever want to let go of Marianne.]
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[...going to ask for help with her hair, but Marianne flushes and averts her gaze some. No, no, that's so embarrassing--]
Y-you can wait outside, if you'd like. I'm...I'm going to need a little bit to take care of this, but I'll let you know when I'm ready...
[She really doesn't want to let go of Hubert either.]
no subject
Oh no, she's cute...]
What is it, Marianne?
[He's pretty sure she's not flushed for absolutely no reason, after all.]
no subject
I-It's nothing! It's nothing, I was, um....
[Marianne already wants to hide under her bed or something, but she whispers out the next words, and they're practically smooshed together so that they sound like one word.]
Going to ask if you could help me with my hair.
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I'd be happy to help you.
[One of his hands comes up easily, reaching out to brush his fingers through the loose strands at the side of her face.]
I won't pretend I'm an expert, but I used to help Lady Edelgard with her hair when she was younger.
[He sometimes helps if she wants a particularly complicated style, but that hasn't happened since they arrived at the monastery, so it's not worth mentioning.]
no subject
O-oh, you did? That's...really nice of you. I, um--
[...Let's just get in front of the mirror she has, she's fine.]
I'm...really happy you're so pleased to help. I-I haven't had someone else take care of my hair for a long time...
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