[Some part of Linhardt hates that Hubert knows basically all of his tells at this point. If Linhardt were a more emotionally competent man in his own right, he'd probably realize it isn't so much that, as much as it is the fact that he can only keep a solid lid on what he wants to avoid for so long before it starts seeping out. Eventually, something's got to give.
Fortunately for Hubert, that something is Linhardt. He doesn't look up from the book (he's not so bad at multi-tasking either), but he does start talking. It's...definitely a little stunted, considering Linhardt's own problems with expressing himself, but he's. He's trying.]
I don't feel as if I have enough time to properly...prove, nor brace myself for what's to come. [It's a start, though it really sounds like he's trying to suss it out as he speaks, though he winds up putting the book down and staring at one of his hands with that unreadable expression he's tended to employ a few times.] ...I've never liked killing, you know. Ever since our first day on the field, when I felt that bandit's blood on my hands...it disgusted me beyond reproach. It's why I've focused myself entirely on faith magic, to avoid having to take lives as much as possible. I can't avoid it forever, I know that, but being able to heal others on the battlefield...it let me have some form of use. Even if I couldn't fell enemy after enemy, I could heal the scars on our classmates, and ensure that they could live to see tomorrow. That's all I had prepared myself for, because I...
I never wanted to kill. I never wanted blood on my hands, to see the light fade from another human being's eyes...
But I know if I don't prepare myself now--if I don't spend every waking hour that I can to prepare myself for this moment, I risk only becoming a liability to Edelgard and yourself. I risk...being seen as expendable, as nothing but a burden to be discarded and thrown away. And that's...that's...
[Linhardt pauses, though he forces himself to find his words before Hubert starts talking. There's something that creeps in his tone, despite his face not changing; it sounds like fear.]
That's not the scariest thought, I think. I'd...rather be expendable, I think than face the idea that I would have to face you, should I falter.
[...oh. He's mostly just been trying to force his thoughts together, the intricate puzzle forcing itself to connect piece by piece, and somehow...he thinks he's found the root of it. It's making his chest tighten something fierce, and he doesn't want to look at Hubert after he says it.]
I won't betray the trust you both have given me. I won't, and I will do what is required. But...I need to work harder, and if not harder, I need to find a way to work smarter so that may never come to pass. I need to ensure that I prove that I can do what you both require of me. That's why I...
[...he trails off there. He's said too much already, practically laid himself bare before Hubert, and it's...frightening, really.]
no subject
Fortunately for Hubert, that something is Linhardt. He doesn't look up from the book (he's not so bad at multi-tasking either), but he does start talking. It's...definitely a little stunted, considering Linhardt's own problems with expressing himself, but he's. He's trying.]
I don't feel as if I have enough time to properly...prove, nor brace myself for what's to come. [It's a start, though it really sounds like he's trying to suss it out as he speaks, though he winds up putting the book down and staring at one of his hands with that unreadable expression he's tended to employ a few times.] ...I've never liked killing, you know. Ever since our first day on the field, when I felt that bandit's blood on my hands...it disgusted me beyond reproach. It's why I've focused myself entirely on faith magic, to avoid having to take lives as much as possible. I can't avoid it forever, I know that, but being able to heal others on the battlefield...it let me have some form of use. Even if I couldn't fell enemy after enemy, I could heal the scars on our classmates, and ensure that they could live to see tomorrow. That's all I had prepared myself for, because I...
I never wanted to kill. I never wanted blood on my hands, to see the light fade from another human being's eyes...
But I know if I don't prepare myself now--if I don't spend every waking hour that I can to prepare myself for this moment, I risk only becoming a liability to Edelgard and yourself. I risk...being seen as expendable, as nothing but a burden to be discarded and thrown away. And that's...that's...
[Linhardt pauses, though he forces himself to find his words before Hubert starts talking. There's something that creeps in his tone, despite his face not changing; it sounds like fear.]
That's not the scariest thought, I think. I'd...rather be expendable, I think than face the idea that I would have to face you, should I falter.
[...oh. He's mostly just been trying to force his thoughts together, the intricate puzzle forcing itself to connect piece by piece, and somehow...he thinks he's found the root of it. It's making his chest tighten something fierce, and he doesn't want to look at Hubert after he says it.]
I won't betray the trust you both have given me. I won't, and I will do what is required. But...I need to work harder, and if not harder, I need to find a way to work smarter so that may never come to pass. I need to ensure that I prove that I can do what you both require of me. That's why I...
[...he trails off there. He's said too much already, practically laid himself bare before Hubert, and it's...frightening, really.]